So I went to a sex party…

Yes you read that correct. I went to my very first sex party organized by the Organ House and recorded the whole experience. Audio that is. Confession: I’ve been to a sex club before so I knew this wouldn’t be SHOCKING, but what made this different was that I would know some of the people there. And that’s just…awkward. My friends and I went with an open mind and I think you should hear about our experience for yourself, but here are some of my major learnings:

1. Most first timers don’t end up having sex with anyone.  But the cheese and music are orgasmic.
2. Many couples go as a form of couples therapy. As one couple said at the party, “We’re here to figure out where we want to take over relationship.”
3. Radical consent is contagious! The first time I experienced this was a woman at the party asked if she could give me a hug. It made me pause and think about every time I should give consent or ask for consent about something I take for granted.

Give it a good listen and I’d love to hear about your first experiences at a sex/play party.

Here are some pics of the communal apparatuses found throughout the sex party:

#SoberFirstKiss

When was the last time you had a sober first kiss?  I mean an organic, raw meeting of the lips without a drop of alcohol, or a puff, a syringe, a bump…or whatever your choice may be.   Think about it.  And then try to recall what it felt like.

I’m not going to bore you with all the stories I’ve been hearing in the last couple of years involving drunken first kisses, ultimately leading to dragged out relationships.  It happens.  And it happens to the best of us.

So, I’m here to start a revolution: #SoberFirstKiss.  My theory is that your first kiss with someone is the most telling of your chemistry with each other.  And chemistry is like food to any relationship.  Without it, a relationship will starve to death.  However, alcohol (and other fun enablers) impair our judgment.  At some point, drunken makeout sessions become more about occupying our mouths, as opposed to enjoying the person we’re swapping saliva with.

A sober first kiss is awkward, nerve-wracking, exciting, and RAW.  Your senses are heightened as you feel, in slow-mo, every touch, every moan, and every heart beat.  Frankly, you have plenty of time to decide whether you want to go through with the kiss or not.  I personally went through this a couple months ago.  It was like the climax of a typical romcom where our bodies gravitated closer, we decided who was going to take which side, and just as our lips were about to meet, I called “time out.”  I was extremely sober and I was extremely sure that I didn’t want to kiss him.  And we never saw each other again.  Now, if I had a couple mojitos in me, I’d probably still be trying to “make it work.”

The deal is, I think we waste too much time dating the wrong people, because we get off on the wrong foot (lip).  You get plenty of information about a person on a first date and you certainly get sufficient information from a sober first kiss.  So, let’s not fuck it up in the beginning.  There’s either chemistry or there isn’t.

Save time.  Save energy.  Save saliva.  #SoberFirstKiss.

 

Try out sober kissing at a speed dating event. Miss Singlefied recommends Hurry Date

Ask Miss Singlefied: STD testing…how to bring it up?

The best condoms as used by Japanese porn stars

Reclaiming Manhood: Save the Diminishing Role of Men

Men: society owes you an apology.  See, while we’ve been focusing on women’s equality, defining the modern woman, and increasing women’s rights, society has totally forgotten about you penile creatures.  While we’ve been busy “bettering” the lives of women, you’ve been left in the shadows, gathering dust.  I am a self-proclaimed masculinist.  I am pro-male.  And therefore, I feel like we must work together to redefine your role. Because honestly if we don’t, you’ll become obsolete; replaced by robots and dildos.  Let me explain:

1. THE CURRENT SITUATION: You’re not man enough.  Hey, those aren’t my words.  In recent years, a gazillion articles and books have been written about you guys not manning up.  In this article, Why Men Are in Trouble, William J. Bennet  writes, “We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, ‘Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married.'”  And in The End of Men, Hanna Rosin talks about women taking over the workforce, superseding men’s ability to drive the economy.  OK, you get the point.  But basically your perceived lacked of manhood and your infectious Peter Pan Syndrome has led to instructional websites like The Art of Manliness, and books like The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love, in which the author Robert Manni claims that “[if men step up], they’ll realize that the ascent of women is really a good thing.”

2. THE PROBLEM: Your manly roles have been stripped away.  Back in the day, women needed you for the basic necessities.  You were the breadwinner, the head of household.  Without you, we would’ve been hungry, homeless, and babyless.  I would even go as far as saying you validated a woman’s place in society by marrying her.  Nowadays, your services are no longer required.  Women are equally as educated, make just as much money (if not more), and test tube babies are coming out just fine.  In fact, marriage and kids no longer need to be part of the equation.  So what are you good for anymore?

3. THE BIGGER PROBLEM: Women expect you to be manly, whatever that means.  How many times have you heard this scenario – “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “OK.”  “Ugh, you should know what’s wrong.”   We’re not pulling this shit out of thin air.  It’s because women have these expectations of what a man should do and say, but we can’t pinpoint what that is exactly.  Why?  Because again, your role is undefined.  I see this happening a lot: the woman does something to show that she’s an independent woman, but then gets mad when the guy treats her too equal.  For example, “I offered to pay because I make my own money, but fuck him for taking my money when he was the one who asked me out first.”  Or, “I wanted to express my opinions at the dinner party because I am well-informed on this topic, but fuck him for not backing me up!”  Again, it’s your undefined role that’s creating miscommunication with the female species, leading to frustrations, arguments, and 50 Shades of Grey.

4) THE SOLUTION: Redefine manhood.  It’s time we put the attention back on you guys.  Let’s work together to redefine your role in a relationship.  Here are a couple of my suggestions –

• The Ego Booster.  Tell her she’s beautiful.  Tell her she’s smart.  And tell her her ass looks good in those jeans.
• The Side Taker. When she’s bitching about her nasty boss, she’s not looking to you to play devil’s advocate.  You take her side ’cause you’re on her team.  So that’s right, her boss is a hoe.
• The Protector.  I don’t care if she’s an Olympic gold medal wrestler, you should be the one to shield her from bad people, falling objects, slippery puddles, on-coming cars, dance club gropers, vomit on the sidewalk, crawly creatures, and vampires.
• The Vagina Stimulator.  She may have a vibrator with colorful tentacles coming out of it, but trust me, whatever that thing can do, you can do ten times better.  Why?  Because you have hands, a mouth, and a real penis.  So find out what she likes, what makes her feel good, and do it better every time.

I think above all else, women want to feel like women around their men.  We want to feel feminine yet empowered.  Women are in no shape or form perfect, but the least you can do is fulfill your (new) roles as a man.  Think about it, less time spent figuring each other out = more time in the sack.  Sounds like good math to me.

*Side note for my female readers: Feminism can go too far.  Anything they can do, we can do better…yes.  But do we really want to do everything?  Why burden ourselves with all the pressure and responsibilities? Is it that imperative to prove that we are equal, as opposed to proving how great we are at being women.  And let them prove how great they are at being men.  Because men are great at being men, only when we give them the chance.

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

Your 2011 Year in Review

2011 was a great year for Singlefied.  We officially launched the blog, created great partnerships, attracted worthy attention from the press, started the successful show Ask Miss Singlefied, and ended the year with a sexy write-up on Jackfroot.com.  But most importantly, we met you.  Thank you for your support, feedback, stories and discussions.  As a thank you, let’s review all the popular posts from 2011 that will make your dating life even better in 2012 [given that the world does not fucking end].

Who are you?

Get to know yourself: the good, the bad, the ugly.

How to stop being victimized as the nice guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where are you?

With each new year means movement in your Dating Timeline.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who are women?

How do women think differently.

How to talk to her.

How she becomes attracted to you.

How to handle hot, bitchy women.

How to tell when she’s truly interested.

How to handle rejection.

Why she swallows.

 

 

 

What do women like in bed?

Learn from porn for women.

How to keep your dick hard.

 

 

 

 

 

Tools of dating:

Online dating

Speed dating

What colors to wear on a date

Handling the ex

Coping with heartbreak

The Creeper Sweeper

 

 

 

WARNINGS

5 things that won’t get you another date

Curse of the buffet (dating too many women at once)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SpeedDating(SM): A Timesaving Guide to Finding Your Lifelong Love

An Inside, Uncensored Look at Miss Singlefied

I was recently interviewed and profiled by JackFroot.com.  I promised I wouldn’t hold anything back.  And I didn’t…

________________________________________________

Up Close and Personal with Miss Singlefied

STAN KARR YEUNG
If Will Smith’s character from the 2005 movie Hitch were a real person, he would be a she, and she would be Chinese and hot. Everything else is pretty much the same, minus the story line and plot, actually only the part where Hitch helps guys with dating advice is the same.

Read the rest here

How To Get The Girl | IGNORE and SCORE: Dating Mindsets Explained – How To Attract And Date Beautiful Women

Ask Miss Singlefied: She wants sex on the first date but you refuse. What now? (Halloween Edition)

Men’s Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex

That Kind of Crazy (Women) – Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (Episode Three)

Written By: The Unsung Romantic (Continued from Episode 2)

Her Codename: Little Miss Manners

Category: Multiple Personalities, Control Freak

I call her Little Miss Manners (She’s a loaded cannon of fucktarded contradictions and will come up in future episodes). I based her name after those Little Miss books from the ’80s my sister would collect – I now associate a lot of them with grown women who carry the same peculiar traits.

What still leaves me bereft of comprehension is how well groomed her public performances, I mean appearances, were and yet how unabashedly filthy this girl was under the sheets, behind closed doors … in the back of a cab. This one was (is) a special kind of crazy and I think she represents more than a justifiable amount of women out there who believe that decorum isn’t only exercised on the floors of military galas, but in every fucking aspect of her life. That is, for everything except the bedroom. She abides by that age old sports locker room, military barracks meets Catholic church policy also known as the “don’t ask, don’t tell” motto.

Let me help you understand to what level of “don’t ask, don’t tell” Little Miss Manners executed this bipolar mantra:

The Action: Post-dinner at one of the wonderful gastronomic spots in Tribeca, we dart over to the piers to meet friends for more drinks. I’m suited up, she’s looking remarkably perfect and everyone we are schmoozing with admires no more than an occasional peck on her cheek from me. Little do they know what comes next in our timeline will deliver several sexual health violations. The cab ride to her place of work turned into a ride through Times Square where I found myself pants off, ass up and her heels in the air while Mr. Cabby thought it would be a benefit to him and the innocent tourists in the city to experience what all New Yorkers do in cabs regularly – fuck. This led to her office that officially reinforced my belief in a greater being and that porn does exist in real life … She asked for a “pearl necklace” on her office floor.

The Reaction: Jump to a couple of days later where I now feel as if I have reached a much deeper understanding of who this woman is, what she likes and how we conduct our business.

Phone call from me to her – Me:  “Hey babe. How are you? I can no longer look at a cab in the same way.”    Her: “What are you talking about?” Me: “I wonder who’s vacation photos we will end up in after the trip down great white way. Anyway, you looked beautiful the other night. And I feel bad for wrecking the office.”   Her: “Um, what are you talking about. What happened in the cab? Please don’t address my office as if it is a free for all …”  Me: “Uh, I’m just saying it was a great evening. Pearls and all.” Her: “I have a client coming in, but let’s grab dinner later! muah. bye!” 

I spent the rest of the day wondering if I dreamed the entire night. Were we that wasted? Did she not remember? Shit, maybe she didn’t like one bit of it. I was baffled. And then the craziness ensued. After multiple months of dating, intimacy and continuous porn sex, the aftermath that ensued when I casually offered a wink or at times abruptly stated my dirty approval was always received by the same amnesiatic responses:

“What do you mean?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Excuse me?”

I came to the self-conclusion that it’s possible I was either hallucinating, blacking out or simply losing my mind. That was until this convoluted illuminating sentence came out of her mouth while sitting on the couch after I gently whispered in her ear some not for Sunday school thoughts, “Shhhhhhhhhh. Stop it. Do you not understand? Don’t ask me, don’t tell me. I don’t do those things. They don’t happen. You have me confused for someone else. ” 

What came after was another fine romp in the sack and a morning break-up by me.

The question for you is this: Why? Why would I give up someone who was a lamb by day, wolf by night? Or is it lady by day, whore by night? You get the drift. We fellas spend all of our waking hours dreaming of a woman you can bring home to mom, marry and still have the ability to make YouPorn with, but is there is a limit to that multiverse. Is Little Miss Manners an example of that limit? For me, yes, but if a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is your style then my advice is to make sure you have at least one good “girl”of a friend in life that is your acting dirty-story soundboard advocate to spill all of your guts to after the act.

Background Check: After further investigation, it was discovered that Little Miss Manners wasn’t so button-lipped after all. Thanks to her best friend (girls are so loyal), it was noted that not only were the sexcapades shared, but they were full-detailed monologues … delivered in public spaces.

Do you have a That Kind of Crazy story to share? Tell us and we’ll make you one of our next episodes.

Cheers,

The Unsung Romantic

 

 

 

Check out “Sex Diaries” in New York Magazine, real life sex stories from New Yorkers.

That Kind of Crazy (Women) – She Always Loves Two of Us (Episode Two)

Written By: The Unsung Romantic (Continued from Episode 1)

Her Codename: Kinky Double-Lover

Category: Polyamorous (See Polymory)

Maybe this is the kind of crazy you want? A girl who is admittedly convinced that it is possible to be in love with more than one guy at a time – or more. Before we summarize the story of Kinky Double-Lover (KDL), let’s always remember our task at hand with each episode: To find out what kind of crazy is just the right amount to make you want to lose your mind for her, forever. I’m not quite there yet.

So I met KDL online under the masquerade that is Match.com. I’ll be honest, online dating is a shitload of fun, if only for the sole reason that the majority of women and men patrolling the menu pages of specimens already have severe issues dating in a traditional, conventional way. I also have an underlying theory that many of the people on Match.com have severe sexual fantasies, repressions and primal needs they mask with the task of meeting your perfect match to live happily forever after with … It is possible.

The thing with a polymorous individual is that there is a constant need for attention (sexual and emotional). Most of the time, if the male grants her with both of these stimulus packages she is unable to handle what she states she wants. So, for you as the guy, you either have to be the one to fuck her or not-to-fuck her. Unless you can find the ability to role play every couple of months into both male figures.

How did it play out with Kinky Double-Lover? Within the span of a year, we met online, went on our first date and decided it be prudent to go on a second date where the inevitable happened – We had sex. Not just any sex, but the kind of sex that automatically brands this new relationship as we are only here to fuck. Then the ultimate-inevitable thing happened – she said after texting away furiously on her phone by our fourth date, “So I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend … ” “What do you think?” This is where I first thought as the alpha-male that I was so damn good I made this girl break up with her boyfriend, which was instantly followed by me saying, “What boyfriend?” and “So, what do you want me to do now?” What I learned was that apparently she loved the way we fuck and the taste of my dick so much more than anyone before (a line she had rehearsed very well, with very many).

But here is the real truth as we fast forward one year into the future …

Over the span of twelve months, KDL broke up with me twice, said she loved me twice, got back together with me twice and at the 10th month anniversary, broke up with me a third time after an impromptu trip to Italy just after Christmas all because she was now madly in love with my Italian counterpart who had a similar name, similar job, similar age, was an ex-boyfriend and best of all – had a similar fucking-style. So similar that in a surprise email via Facebook from my arch nemesis, I found out that she had professed her love for him and me in a very convoluted double-life she was living by telling us exactly word for word these beautifully recited lines, “No one fucks my ass like you. No one. God, I love you. I could marry you.” Here is the best thing we found out after joining forces in a cooperative investigation – When KDL was saying I love you to him, she was asking me to throw her against the wall and (fill in the blank). When that got old, she would swap our roles and we’d be the fun-loving just hang out, cuddle team who would speak of a future together while she was sex-skyping Mr. Italy.

When either one of us reminded her that we could fulfill her need to be loved and be fucked like a loveless creature at the same time (gasp), she exploded into a violent storm of denial telling the other that we did not fulfill one of those elements. So in the end, she broke up with him and then, I broke up with her, leaving her to create another paradox relationship of two guys and a girl in a galaxy far-far-away.

The thing is, KDL is the polyamorous fantasy of a girl every guy sometimes dreams of. The one that wants to just be cuddly and leave you to fucking others one month, while the next she is begging for you to fuck her until she bleeds (literally) and no one else. And the best thing is, she never, ever asked me, nor him if we had other affairs going on.

The question for you is this:  Do you have what it takes to tell your ego that cuddle-fucker is most likely now and forever in search of filling continuous separate voids of sex and love? And that no matter how good you are in bed, or how much love you profess, it will never be enough for her. She will always somehow and somewhere have another kinky double-lover hidden under the sheets. If that’s your crazy, my advice is to check your emotions at the door as hard as it may be and keep your #2, #3 and more on speed-text up until the ripe age of death.

Background Check: After further investigation, it was also revealed that polyamorous KDL is a Korean-Adoptee.  We will cover the particulars of adoptees, Korean girls and Asian girls as a whole in future stories.

Do you have a story about what your “That Kind of Crazy” is? Spill it, brother.

Cheers,

The Unsung Romantic

 

 

 

Sex Stories w/ Dick: Hope Your Fourth Was Explosive

I will admit things had slowed down somewhat for me between work and real life drama lately. I had been hanging out with a woman more and more and somehow I just couldn’t close the deal and was going to end up in just friends land. This past weekend changed it for me.

Every Fourth of July I play paintball for a number of years. I have been playing paintball off and on for awhile so I am pretty good at it. Fuck it why be modest? I am great at it and I’ve been featured in a paintball magazine or two.

Since it was Fourth of July, the paintball matches were war themed. Our referee, this cute short college sorority “I just wanna be treated like one of the guys” firecracker took us on the D-Day field. Half of us are Americans storming up this hill against the other half in four bunkers as the Germans. I am on the bottom right with three other guys. She blows the whistle and we storm Normandy. Paintballs are flying all around us, teammates are going down, and we are pinned behind cover, paralyzed in the moment of faux warfare.

I yell to the younger guys to cover me so I can get to the next part of cover. They cover me laying down a flurry of paintballs. I make it and manage to take out one enemy. I then yell to the guys to flood this side and cover one another on three. Ready! For America! 1! 2! 3! We storm the shit out of the other team wiping out all the remaining enemies. High fives and fist bumps all around. My cadre of players is formed for the day and I lead them from win to win.

The ref pulls me aside later on when we break for lunch by the equipment rentals and gives me her phone number and kisses me full court press. After my testosterone soaked gamer day of paintball, I am late and unshowered to meet my soon to become girl who is a friend. I am feeling super ballsy and confident that when we are told dinner will be an hour and and half wait at the restaurant, I make another bold move as we are leaving in possible defeat.

I jump the fence for the outdoor dining section and ask another couple if we could join them as my friend needs to eat she isn’t feeling so well. They agree and we are nom nom on some good chow without an ungodly wait. I am telling my story of p-ball glory to my girl soon to be just friends when I see it. That moment on a woman’s face when you can see she has decided she is going to fuck you. I speed through dinner and get her home in time for our own fireworks.

I’d give details but its 7:21 am and we just finished our second marathon session of sex and I have to meet this blog deadline. Plus, I might just make this one an actual girlfriend.

Who am I kidding I’m still a dick.