Posts Tagged ‘yue’

Yes, women watch porn.  Probably not as much as you, but we definitely do not deprive ourselves of such cinematic pleasures.  The porn that we prefer to watch; however, is a little bit different that what you guys like.  Our pornographic preferences are very telling of what we like in bed:

1) Amateur

It’s what I call “realistic fantasy.”  There’s something hot and voyeuristic about watching another real couple getting it on, not some hired porn star making contrived faces and stretching out her vagina for a close-up.  Amateur porn is also very relatable; thus, we can easily put ourselves in that situation and experience vicariously through the familiar characters on-screen.

Your takeaway:

It’s somewhat hard for women to have fantastic sex with a stranger.  First-time sex and one-night-stands are rarely enjoyable.  We want familiarity with the person, because we need an emotional connection to fully enjoy sex.  What you should know is 1) don’t beat yourself up if your first time with a girl is not pornographic mind-blowing and 2) if the two of you have hot sex, she is at a certain level of comfort with you and there are emotional ties.

2) Partial nudity

We like using our imagination because our mind likes to fill in the blanks.  It’s sexy to watch a girl riding a guy with her bra straps hanging and her skirt flapping.

Your takeaway:

You want to get us naked, we got that.  But if you want to get us really turned on, don’t rush the undressing stage of foreplay.  Linger around every button, zipper, snap, strap, and latch.  It’s easy with overtly sexy clothes (lacy tops, drawstring skirts, etc), but some clothes are meant to be made sexy.  So she’s wearing your XL T-shirt.  Instead of taking it off the conventional way, slither your hands from the neckline or the sleeves to caress her breasts.  Maybe she’s wearing tight-fitting jeans.  Instead of doing the awkward peel-off, unzip her jeans and peel just right past her ass, then finger her in that confined space.  This feeling of urgency and naughtiness (like you’re trying to do it discreetly so no one can see) will drive her utterly insane.

3) Established environment

Half of what turns us on about porn is the act of what they’re doing, and the other half is where they’re doing it.  We’re into establishing shots of a bedroom, park, office, kitchen, or whatever it may be.  It sucks when a porn starts with a facial close-up or POV shot of cock-in-pussy.  We need to know where they fuck they are so we can place ourselves in that fantasy.

Your takeaway:

Be creative with where sex takes place.  And just a hint, it doesn’t always need to end up on a bed.  On the floor next to the bed, pressed up against the wall, on a kitchen counter, on the stairway, in the closet, etc.  If you’ve been fucking a girl for a while, before you start introducing new positions, toys, fetishes, or your anus, try switching up the environment first.

4) Storyline

Why are women so turned on by the movie Unfaithful with Diane Lane?  Because the hot sex scenes were preceded by a hot storyline.  Bored, suburban married woman runs into smoldering hot and sexy French man whose chemistry is so undeniable that they have to fuck no matter how wrong it is.  The lead-up to sex is just as important as the sex itself.

Your takeaway:

If you’re really trying to get a girl in bed, you got to set the mood for it.  We’ll be a tigress when all 5 of our senses are aroused.  So, your story leading up to sex should include something visual (start with a stroll in the park), tasty and smells good (nice dinner or good wine), touchy (make sure to casually touch her arm or leg throughout the evening), and pleasant to the ear (put on some music back at your place).  A story like that should always end up in the horizontal mambo.

“Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves.”

– Carol Lynn Pearson

One of the greatest things I’ve learned about you guys in recent years is that men have feelings too.  You get sad, you cry, and you get, dare I say it, ”emotional” about shit.  I find it fascinating when I meet a guy who is trying to get over a girl….from 3 years ago.

Women fall fast, but men fall hard.

I would argue maybe 80% of clients are trying to get over a girl whether they want to admit it or not.  When a guy comes to me and tells me he wants to get laid by as many chicks as possible, my first response is always “tell me about the last girl you were involved with.”  And more times than not, this prompts an emotional discussion beginning with something like, “She fucked me up…”

It may take awhile for you to decide to commit to a girl emotionally, when it seems that women are constantly looking for that kind of commitment.   However, when you do fall for a girl, you are totally invested and it’s very difficult to get over those feelings after a breakup.

It has been found in numerous studies , that your brain processes emotional pain similar to physical pain.  Your body actually physically hurts.   Men and women deal with heartbreak in very different ways:

See what happens in the above chart is that women start building what I call an Emotional Cushion right away after a heartbreak.  We do so by divulging our emotions internally and externally.  We also start gathering our support group and thus, making the cushion extra cushion-y.  Think of it this way: let’s say you start falling off a building, in those moments of freefall, women are slowly building this large mattress below, because we know without it, it’ll hurt really fucking bad.  You guys, on the other hand, like to think that once you go SPLAT, you’ll come out of it just fine without anything to fall on.

So that leads me to today, nearing the end of breakup season, and talking to an influx of heartbroken men who are just digging themselves deeper and deeper into emotional pain.  What can you learn from women?  Build an emotional cushion.  Start with the internal cushion, where you should reflect and face the pain almost immediately.  Then branch out into external cushion.  I know some of you don’t feel comfortable to talking to  your guy friends, but seek out a good friend who is a girl, a sister, or even a dating coach, perhaps.  Facing and communicating your emotional pain may just break your fall.

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5. Emoticons. 

You may think you’re being cute, when we think it’s your passive aggressive way of saying “like me” or “just kidding.”  Man up to what message you’re trying to get across and don’t hang your insecurities on a stupid cartoon face.

4. Unplanned dates.

When you ask a girl out, you should already have a plan in mind.  Although plans may change and things could come up spontaneously, we still want to know that you put in some effort.  Some of you think presenting an open-ended date is your polite way of letting us have a say in what to do.  Guess what?  You ask us out.  You plan.  Then, we’ll make alternative suggestions if needed.

3. Empty invites.

It really irks us to hear a guy say the words, “we should do that sometime” and then never follow through with it.  The more you give us empty invites in passing, the more we’ll write you off as the boy who cried wolf.

2. Empty promises.

Similar to empty invites, don’t give us empty promises like “I’ll call you tomorrow after work” or “I want to take you to dinner Thursday” and never come through with a plan.  I’m sure you’ve all had a friend who does this to you, too.  When a guy tells us he’s going to do something, we expect him to do it.  No girl wants to date a flaky douche.

1. Fishing.

If you want to ask us out, ASK. US. OUT.  I’m astonished by how many guys I see writing texts or emails like, “Do you like to watch movies?” “Maybe we should hang out sometime,” “What do you like to do on weekends?” and “There’s this new restaurant I’ve been meaning to check out.”  Stop fishing for a girl to invite herself on a date with you.  Instead of beating around to bush to see if we’d be interested, why not just come right out and ask us out on a definitive date?  Remember: pussies never get pussy.

Buy a computer and get a free Xbox 360 from Amazon

Buy a computer and get a free Xbox 360 from Amazon