Is She Interested or Just Being Nice?

Posted: 03/22/2011 by Singlefied in Dating, First Date, How To
Tags: , , , ,

There is an interesting thing that happens when a guy is into a girl upon meeting her.  He either thinks the girl is uninterested (by not picking up on any recognizable signals), or thinks the girl is totally interested when she’s not (by looking too hard for specific signals).

Girls are very tricky to read sometimes because we are affected by a thing called Feminine Skepticism.  I call it, the “guilty until proven innocent” mindset.  See, when you approach us, we’re already playing defense.  We’re waiting for you to prove yourself – are you nice? Normal? Sweet? Stable? Funny?   While we’re sizing you up as you deliver your case (in the dating court), every girl has a different way of hiding her feminine skepticism.  I personally do the sarcastic raised eyebrows as if to say, “Yup, I’m listening but only because you’re still talking.”  Other girls hide their skepticism with a smiley demeanor; they’re thinking they’re being nice while you might think she’s interested.  I don’t envy you, we are confusing to read.  An Indiana University research study had American subjects observe speed dating events in Germany to gauge the level of interest between the rotating couples.  While most were correct at gauging male interest, “80 percent of the subjects thought the German women pictured were interested when they were just being sociable.”

So what are some signals that aren’t just social, polite behavior, but rather, signals of interest?  Psychologists claim the following:

– Broad grin, showing all of her teeth

– Sing-songy tone of voice

– She mimics your stance and movements

– Intentional physical contact (I like to touch the shoulder, arm or knee)

– “A good one to watch for: After making eye contact, she looks down a bit, gathers or otherwise preens her hair, and then looks up at you while her chin is tipped.”

In the same study, men who showed interest did the following: drew attention to themselves with a loud laugh or spread their arms out side, grinned from ear-to-year, dropped their voice an octave, and also mimicked their partner’s stance and movements.

Gosh why do we heterosexuals make it so hard on ourselves?  I wish we could be like gay men: make eye contact and it’s a done deal.


  1. Datingisms says:

    […] Skepticism is what makes women hard to read.  Know what signals are of interest vs. out of politeness. LikeBe the first to like this post.▶ No Responses […]

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