HOW TO: Spot a Liar on a Date

When I was a Freshman in high school, I dated a compulsive liar.  He told me he won the lottery where he would receive $850/month for the rest of his life.  He had a walk-on role on One Life to Live.  He had cancer but miraculously survived it by smoking cigarettes.  And no, he did not make out with the slutty skater girl who never wore a bra.  But guess what, he was 18, I was 14, I wanted to go to the Senior prom, so shit, I believed everything he said.  Good thing I didn’t give him my V-card!

Now I’m not as stupid (my mom would be so proud) because I’ve learned tested techniques to decipher whether someone is lying or not.  Since people do most of their lying on a first date, use the following steps to evaluate what’s really coming out of her mouth:

1) Get a date who has working eyes.

2) Ask her about her past.  It has to be a simple question that someone would have no problem answering without feeling like they were being judged.  Ex: “What was the name of your first pet?”  “What was it like growing up in ______?”  “What was it like when you first moved here?”  PAY ATTENTION TO HER EYE DIRECTION.  Does she keep looking left or right?  Keep note of it.

3) Ask her to imagine something.  Again, keep it simple and fun.  Ex: “Imagine yourself 5 years from now, what are you up to?”  “Let’s say you’re stranded on a desert island and can only take 3 things, what would you take?”  “If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?”  AGAIN, PAY ATTENTION TO HER EYE DIRECTION (it should be the opposite of #2).  Keep note of it.

4) Ask her some real questions.  This is your chance to test her honesty.  If she keeps looking in the same direction as she did in step #3, she may be lying.  Looking in that direction denotes constructed visual (looking up), auditory (looking side) or internal (looking down) images.  Meaning, she’s making shit up using her imagination.  However, if she looks in the same direction as she did in step #2, she’s telling you remembered visual, auditory or internal images.  Chances are she’s being honest with you, because she’s recalling these images from memory.

Of course this is not 100% effective but I often use this technique on my clients when I first meet them, just to get a sense of whether they’re honest about who they are and what coaching they need from me.  On a date, you can also play Two Truths and a Lie as a fun ice breaker, and more often than not, when telling the one lie, her eye gaze will be in the opposite direction of the two truths.

And if the chick’s got a lazy eye or is cross eyed, check for some verbal and physical cues.

Happy weekend!  Now go call out some motherfuckin’ liars!

Ask Miss Singlefied: How to avoid drunk texting an ex?

HOW TO: Deal with Penile Performance Anxiety

12% of guys are medically impotent but over 70% of men experience performance anxiety, which is not a disorder, more of a mindset.  The majority of us girls have encountered Mr. Softies every now and then.  There are several ways to deal with it next time your cock goes limp:

1) Acknowledge that you’re limp.  It’s surprising how many of you guys will ignore your sleepy cock and still attempt to penetrate.  Stop trying to rub your shriveled penis against our skin hoping it’ll wake up.  It’s best that you stop attempting sex and accept the fact that your mini-me is on protest.

2) Diagnose your problem.  Try to figure out why you’re suffering from Penile Performance Anxiety (PPA – yeah, I just made that shit up).  There are many contributing factors: you’re nervous, you’re stressed, you really like the girl, you’re too wasted, you’re no longer turned on, you’re insecure about the size of your penis, or an image of your Aunt Bertha just popped into your head.

3) Breathe.  A lot of times the lack of oxygen combined with nerves contributes to PPA.  Sexual energy is a natural flow and anxiety and nervous disrupt the flow.  If you breathe and relax yourself, it’ll be easy for you to get it up again.

4) Communicate.  Don’t apologize for your floppy penis, it makes you seem pathetic.  What you should do is offer an explanation to the girl.  Often times, we just assume you don’t find us attractive, which makes us self-conscious and less fun in bed.  If you offer us an explanation (“Listen, I had a stressful day at work.  I find you incredibly sexy and I think I just need to relax”), we’ll be impressed by your maturity and confidence, and take the blame off of us.

5) Offer a solution.  Like I said, most of the time PPA happens when you’re not relaxed.  Offer to give each other massages, extend foreplay, and take things slower.  If you feel comfortable doing so, ask the girl to rub your head (the one on your shoulders), this is the best way to calm your nerves.  When you feel like you’ve been rebooted, re-introduce some of your perversity.  The contrast between calm and horny will give you a boost of energy and increase in your blood flow, allowing your buddy to rise to the occasion.

6) Take preventative measures.  We often encounter guys, when hit with PPA, who say, “Shit, this happens to me every time I drink.”  Or “I usually have this problem when I first sleep with someone.”  If you see a pattern, do something about it!  If you know drinking makes you impotent, don’t drink as much.  If nerves are the problem, offer to do massages right before foreplay.

7) Know when you have a dead penis.  There is a huge difference between a dead and a floppy penis.  A floppy penis has signs of vitality.  A dead penis is completely lifeless.  If you have a dead penis, you should go see a doctor.  Erectile dysfunction cannot only affect your love life, but it can also affect your mental well-being.

HOW TO: Spot a Gold Digger

• She magically disappears right before the check comes
• She’s waaaay more attractive than you are
• She goes to hedge fund meetup events for “fun”
• Her Facebook pictures are mainly of her in formal gowns attending some benefit for a life-threatening disease
• She lives all the way uptown but only likes to hang out on Wall Street
• Her vacation photos are only just of her, in some exotic place, smiling at the photographer who has seemingly manly fingers
• She likes to allude to expensive outings such as going to shows, getting bottles at a club and weekend getaways
• She cancels a date because she couldn’t afford a mani-pedi and a blowout.  She didn’t want to let you down by not looking up-to-par
• She carries a Chanel bag, wears Cartier jewelry, and walks around in Louboutins, yet she still can’t quite tell you what she does for a living.  (“I was in real estate, and sometimes I guest bartend at this place downtown…”)
• She thinks “What’s your net worth?” is a good question to follow “What’s your favorite food?” on a first date
• Her profile is on Sugardaddie.com AND Wealthymen.com