Picking Up Girls w/o Really Trying

I know I like to give you guys some proactive pick-up strategies such as the Creeper Sweeper and Toast ‘n’ Bolt.  Mystery, the pick-up artist even takes it one step further and tells you to do magic tricks and shit to break the ice.  Well boys, there are less involved ways, such as paying attention to what you wear.  This past weekend was the prime example of that.

Thursday: I notice a guy wearing a Power Balance wristband on the subway (I have one too) and I ask if it’s helping him surf the train.  We have a solid 5-minute convo debating the “science” behind using holograms to improve balance and agility.  I get to my stop before he could finish his argument, so he asks for my number.  Smooth.

Friday: Spotted.  A guy wearing a UT-Austin t-shirt, my friend Lisa’s alma mater.  She approaches him to ask what year he graduated.  Turns out they’re 6 years apart, no over-lapping friends or classes, but lived in the same apartment complex (just not at the same time).  He gets her a drink and she goes home with him.  Fist bump explosion.

Saturday: Starbucks catch-up sesh with one of my clients.  He’s sporting a vintage Laker’s hat, which I mistakened for a gross, dirty hat.  While ordering his coffee, hot girl taps him on the shoulder and asks if he’s from LA.  She is and her dad collects vintage Laker hats.  They have a giggle about how much New Yorker’s don’t like LA’ers.  They exchange business cards.  He puts cream in her coffee.  I charge him double for the session (dating advice AND picked up a chick).

Sunday: Brunch with the girls.  Next to us, a bro-brunch.  My friend Dana discovers one of the guys is wearing Silly Bandz .  Kinda gay but she has her’s on too.  She yells out, “Hey, what you got over there?”  He responds, “Cars!”  Next thing you know, it’s a coed brunch for 8.

No, I’m not trying to tell you that the next time you go out, get decked out in silly bandz, balance bracelets, sports team hats and college shirts.  But, next time you’re out, make a conscious decision to wear something that’s a statement about your interests.  Not only does it give you character, it helps to break the ice.  And if you’re feeling more aggressive, keep your eye out for something a girl’s wearing that could interest you, and use it as a conversation starter.  However, let’s keep it classy.  “Hey I noticed your thong peeking out of your jeans is from the 2011 Victoria Secret’s Very Sexy collection” won’t break the ice, but she might break your nose.

When to Stop Calling

This is the easiest concept but the hardest to master.  Many of you commit the crime of not knowing when to stop contacting a girl.  So when should you stop?  When she rejects you.  Sounds so simple, BUT some of you can’t identify rejection even if it was disguised as Kim Kardashian’s ass.  Let me break it down for you:

You: “Hey, you want to grab a drink Friday?”

Her: “I have some friends in town Friday.”

===> REJECTION

If she really wants to hang out with you, she’ll either 1) suggest an alternate day, 2) invite you to hang out with her friends, or 3) not lie about her friends being town.  Either way, a girl who likes you would jump at the chance of seeing you.  Don’t follow-up this response by asking her out another time.  All you’re going to get is either another rejection or a pity date.

You: “Little Fockers looks like a funny movie.  I would like to go see it sometime this week.”

Her: “Let me know how it is!”

===> REJECTION

In this scenario, the first mistake is that the guy should be more take-charge and just come out and ask her to the movies.  Besides that, if a girl is into you, she’d be extra sensitive to your hints and would tell you that she’d go see it with you.  And if she doesn’t want to go see Little Fockers, she’d suggest another movie.  But in this case, she’s basically saying, “That’s nice, but I don’t want to go to the movies with you.”

I’d say these are some of the more subtle rejections that girls give out, if you can’t pick up on the other more obvious ones, I guess ignorance is bliss (and lonely).  But when you do realize you’ve been rejected, keep in mind that a rejection is a “not now.”  She may not be interested in you at the moment but give her some time to warm up to you.  How do you do that?  By leaving her alone. Give her time to miss you and wonder why you haven’t called or texted in a while.  If after 3-4 weeks, you’re still thinking about her, drop her a line.  She might be thrilled to hear from you (now that she hasn’t been on a date in a month and is afraid she’s turning into the cat lady).

Before you all complain about how complicated girls are and how we can’t be more straight forward with our rejections, think about how you turn us down.  Similar tactics, huh?!

Close the Ex-Files

As humans, we tend to hold on to things, especially memories of the past. That is why it’s hard for us to get rid of photos, souvenirs and memorabilia because these things trigger tangible memories. Same goes for your ex. More guys than girls still keep in touch with their most recent ex and some even hang out on a regular basis. My friend Wendy was dating a guy who kept in touch with all of his ex-girlfriends. He even had pictures of him and all of his has-been girlfriends on his Facebook for the whole world to see. She stopped seeing him after 2 weeks.

Many people will disagree with me on this, but I truly believe once you break up, you should cut off all communication. Here are my top reasons for closing your ex-files:

1) Hanging out with an ex will constantly remind you of a failed relationship. Nobody wants to be reminded of their failures.

2) The presence of an ex will trigger your past behavior. The man you were. Which, in turn, holds you back from being the man you can become.  We’re all works in progress, so why take 2 steps back when you’ve just taken 2 steps forward?

3) Whether you insist on there being no sexual chemistry whatsoever between you and your former lover, the new girl you want to date will never believe you.  Why?  Everyone has had ex-sex at some point in their life.  There will always be a lingering suspicion that you may/still are hooking up with your ex.  Even if you’re not, why create this unnecessary drama?

4) You’re setting yourself up to getting hurt.  You think you’re over her.  It’s all dandy right now when both of you are single.  But what if one day you see her holding hands with some guy and tells you she can no longer hang out with you?  Wouldn’t you feel like such a loser?!

5) Guys often say to me, “I still want to be friends with my ex because she’s fun to hang out with.”  Why?  You have no other friends to hang out with?  Are your friends not fun?!  You have enough friends.  No need to cling on to one that comes with baggage.

6) To put it bluntly: new pussy is better.  No need to revisit the land of been-there-done-that.

Now, I don’t think you have to cut off communication from you ex FOREVER.  If she was a big part of your life or meant a lot to you, you guys will naturally find your way into a platonic friendship zone when the time is right for BOTH parties involved.  If with all this said and you still want to hang on to your ex, maybe you don’t really want her to be an ex.