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How to (NOT) celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Nothing says “I dig you” like pork fat

Lucky for all of us suckers, Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this year, which means Friday night is going to be one big pink, cheesy orgy. This year, I keep getting asked the same question from you guys over and over again. So, in the interest of time (and my sanity), let me answer it in a post.

QUESTION:

“I just started dating a girl and we’re not serious yet.  I don’t think it’s appropriate to make a grand gesture for Valentine’s Day.  Is it OK if I just not celebrate it with her?”

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION:

“I’ve been seeing this girl I really like.  She anti-Valentine’s Day and already told me she doesn’t like all the cheesy gestures.  Should I just take her word for it and not celebrate it with her?”

ANSWER:

It doesn’t matter what scenario you’re in, if you are seeing someone and you happen to LIKE this person, YES you should do something for Valentine’s Day.  Here’s the reason why: It really doesn’t matter what she tells you about her feelings toward the “holiday,” if you like her, wouldn’t you want to do something nice for her?  Think of Valentine’s Day as just another opportunity to show her that you like her.  Even if she’s verbally against everything V-day stands for, no girl will ever turn down a nice gesture.  In other words, it can’t give you negative points.

MY ADVICE:

1) If you just started seeing someone new, make a smaller, but meaningful, gesture.  Do something or tailor something to her interests.  And to make it more casual, go for an activity-based date, such as a hike or a trip to the zoo.  TIP: It doesn’t always have to be dinner, chocolate and flowers.

2) If you are dating a girl who doesn’t like the cheesiness factor of Valentine’s Day, then do something non-traditional!  Maybe something stems from an inside joke, or go out and make fun of the cheesiness that’s happening.  TIP: JUST DO SOMETHING.  Every girl still wants to be recognized that day, whether she wants to admit to it or not.

And for those of you who are single for V-day, consider getting some heart candies for all of your female co-workers (the way we used do it in school).  The better “in” you have with the females around you, the better the chance they’ll set you up with their very eligible single friends.

Ask Miss Singlefied: Her friends disapprove of you. What do you do?

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Curious about speed dating? Miss Singlefied recommends Hurry Date

Reclaiming Manhood: Save the Diminishing Role of Men

Men: society owes you an apology.  See, while we’ve been focusing on women’s equality, defining the modern woman, and increasing women’s rights, society has totally forgotten about you penile creatures.  While we’ve been busy “bettering” the lives of women, you’ve been left in the shadows, gathering dust.  I am a self-proclaimed masculinist.  I am pro-male.  And therefore, I feel like we must work together to redefine your role. Because honestly if we don’t, you’ll become obsolete; replaced by robots and dildos.  Let me explain:

1. THE CURRENT SITUATION: You’re not man enough.  Hey, those aren’t my words.  In recent years, a gazillion articles and books have been written about you guys not manning up.  In this article, Why Men Are in Trouble, William J. Bennet  writes, “We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, ‘Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married.'”  And in The End of Men, Hanna Rosin talks about women taking over the workforce, superseding men’s ability to drive the economy.  OK, you get the point.  But basically your perceived lacked of manhood and your infectious Peter Pan Syndrome has led to instructional websites like The Art of Manliness, and books like The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love, in which the author Robert Manni claims that “[if men step up], they’ll realize that the ascent of women is really a good thing.”

2. THE PROBLEM: Your manly roles have been stripped away.  Back in the day, women needed you for the basic necessities.  You were the breadwinner, the head of household.  Without you, we would’ve been hungry, homeless, and babyless.  I would even go as far as saying you validated a woman’s place in society by marrying her.  Nowadays, your services are no longer required.  Women are equally as educated, make just as much money (if not more), and test tube babies are coming out just fine.  In fact, marriage and kids no longer need to be part of the equation.  So what are you good for anymore?

3. THE BIGGER PROBLEM: Women expect you to be manly, whatever that means.  How many times have you heard this scenario – “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “OK.”  “Ugh, you should know what’s wrong.”   We’re not pulling this shit out of thin air.  It’s because women have these expectations of what a man should do and say, but we can’t pinpoint what that is exactly.  Why?  Because again, your role is undefined.  I see this happening a lot: the woman does something to show that she’s an independent woman, but then gets mad when the guy treats her too equal.  For example, “I offered to pay because I make my own money, but fuck him for taking my money when he was the one who asked me out first.”  Or, “I wanted to express my opinions at the dinner party because I am well-informed on this topic, but fuck him for not backing me up!”  Again, it’s your undefined role that’s creating miscommunication with the female species, leading to frustrations, arguments, and 50 Shades of Grey.

4) THE SOLUTION: Redefine manhood.  It’s time we put the attention back on you guys.  Let’s work together to redefine your role in a relationship.  Here are a couple of my suggestions –

• The Ego Booster.  Tell her she’s beautiful.  Tell her she’s smart.  And tell her her ass looks good in those jeans.
• The Side Taker. When she’s bitching about her nasty boss, she’s not looking to you to play devil’s advocate.  You take her side ’cause you’re on her team.  So that’s right, her boss is a hoe.
• The Protector.  I don’t care if she’s an Olympic gold medal wrestler, you should be the one to shield her from bad people, falling objects, slippery puddles, on-coming cars, dance club gropers, vomit on the sidewalk, crawly creatures, and vampires.
• The Vagina Stimulator.  She may have a vibrator with colorful tentacles coming out of it, but trust me, whatever that thing can do, you can do ten times better.  Why?  Because you have hands, a mouth, and a real penis.  So find out what she likes, what makes her feel good, and do it better every time.

I think above all else, women want to feel like women around their men.  We want to feel feminine yet empowered.  Women are in no shape or form perfect, but the least you can do is fulfill your (new) roles as a man.  Think about it, less time spent figuring each other out = more time in the sack.  Sounds like good math to me.

*Side note for my female readers: Feminism can go too far.  Anything they can do, we can do better…yes.  But do we really want to do everything?  Why burden ourselves with all the pressure and responsibilities? Is it that imperative to prove that we are equal, as opposed to proving how great we are at being women.  And let them prove how great they are at being men.  Because men are great at being men, only when we give them the chance.

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

Miss Singlefied Conducts Her Own Exit Interviews

Thanks to the hilarious Simone Grant, I was given the opportunity to guest post for her popular blog, Sex Lies & Dating in the City.  *No exes were harmed in the making of this post:

Let’s face it, most of us don’t exactly get “closure” when we go through breakups.  Sometimes, after much time has passed, it’s hard to even pin point what were the exact reasons for splitsville.  For the past year, I’ve been playing around with this idea of an Exit Interview.  We have exit interviews when we leave a job, so why don’t we have exit interviews when we leave a person?

The premise of the Exit Interview is to reveal each other’s strengths and weaknesses, reasons for departure, and key takeaways for the next relationship.  I know, this all sounds so corporate, but the Exit Interview is most successful when it’s mostly void of emotions.  As a dating coach, I recommend all of my clients to first close the ex files for at least 3 months and then conduct the interview.  This way, it allows both parties a time to chill out and think (somewhat) rationally.

While this all sounds fine and dandy, and it has proven successful with several of my friends and clients, I decided it’s time to practice what I preach.  I picked 3 victims from my past and went for it.  Here’s an overview of my victims:

1)   The Freebird.  He loved the idea of falling in love.  The problem was, we weren’t in love.  Also, his younger age created a sense of insecurity about where he was in his life, and I needed more from the relationship.  Not commitment-wise.  I just needed more of a man.  [I ended it]

2)   The Good Guy.  He was perfect on paper.  The problem was, I never felt a connection with him.  I tried and tried to like him.  But in the end, my heart wouldn’t budge. [I ended it]

3)   The One.  I pictured him at the end of the aisle.  The problem was, he was a perpetual bachelor whose heart was as small and crammed as a NYC apartment.  Not much room for anybody else.  I thought I could change him.  He was my “project.” [He ended it]

EXIT INTERVIEW: The Freebird:

We decide to meet for lunch at a casual restaurant.  The premise is to “catch up” but of course I have ulterior motives.  Freebird looks cuter than ever with his borderline hipster style and frayed backpack.  That’s the problem: Freebird would’ve been my perfect crush in high school.  He’d walk by me in the hallway on his way to Chemistry and I’d giggle to myself while secretly writing our initials in hearts inside my locker.  But again, that would’ve been great in high school.

Our conversation starts with the usual small talk and I slowly ease my way into the hard-hitting questions, Barbara Walters style.  I ask him why he thinks our relationship ended….(read the rest here).

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