Posts Tagged ‘breakups’

2011 was a great year for Singlefied.  We officially launched the blog, created great partnerships, attracted worthy attention from the press, started the successful show Ask Miss Singlefied, and ended the year with a sexy write-up on  But most importantly, we met you.  Thank you for your support, feedback, stories and discussions.  As a thank you, let’s review all the popular posts from 2011 that will make your dating life even better in 2012 [given that the world does not fucking end].

Who are you?

Get to know yourself: the good, the bad, the ugly.

How to stop being victimized as the nice guy.









Where are you?

With each new year means movement in your Dating Timeline.










Who are women?

How do women think differently.

How to talk to her.

How she becomes attracted to you.

How to handle hot, bitchy women.

How to tell when she’s truly interested.

How to handle rejection.

Why she swallows.




What do women like in bed?

Learn from porn for women.

How to keep your dick hard.






Tools of dating:

Online dating

Speed dating

What colors to wear on a date

Handling the ex

Coping with heartbreak

The Creeper Sweeper





5 things that won’t get you another date

Curse of the buffet (dating too many women at once)










SpeedDating(SM): A Timesaving Guide to Finding Your Lifelong Love

One of the greatest things I’ve learned about you guys in recent years is that men have feelings too.  You get sad, you cry, and you get, dare I say it, ”emotional” about shit.  I find it fascinating when I meet a guy who is trying to get over a girl….from 3 years ago.

Women fall fast, but men fall hard.

I would argue maybe 80% of clients are trying to get over a girl whether they want to admit it or not.  When a guy comes to me and tells me he wants to get laid by as many chicks as possible, my first response is always “tell me about the last girl you were involved with.”  And more times than not, this prompts an emotional discussion beginning with something like, “She fucked me up…”

It may take awhile for you to decide to commit to a girl emotionally, when it seems that women are constantly looking for that kind of commitment.   However, when you do fall for a girl, you are totally invested and it’s very difficult to get over those feelings after a breakup.

It has been found in numerous studies , that your brain processes emotional pain similar to physical pain.  Your body actually physically hurts.   Men and women deal with heartbreak in very different ways:

See what happens in the above chart is that women start building what I call an Emotional Cushion right away after a heartbreak.  We do so by divulging our emotions internally and externally.  We also start gathering our support group and thus, making the cushion extra cushion-y.  Think of it this way: let’s say you start falling off a building, in those moments of freefall, women are slowly building this large mattress below, because we know without it, it’ll hurt really fucking bad.  You guys, on the other hand, like to think that once you go SPLAT, you’ll come out of it just fine without anything to fall on.

So that leads me to today, nearing the end of breakup season, and talking to an influx of heartbroken men who are just digging themselves deeper and deeper into emotional pain.  What can you learn from women?  Build an emotional cushion.  Start with the internal cushion, where you should reflect and face the pain almost immediately.  Then branch out into external cushion.  I know some of you don’t feel comfortable to talking to  your guy friends, but seek out a good friend who is a girl, a sister, or even a dating coach, perhaps.  Facing and communicating your emotional pain may just break your fall.

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The Exit Interview

Posted: 01/04/2011 by Singlefied in Dating
Tags: , , ,

If there is one thing I dread more than getting stuck behind a fat tourist wearing Jordache jeans in Times Square, it would be running into an ex.  And when you do, it’s always when you least expect it, right?  The last time I ran into an ex unexpectedly, I had just stuffed my face with pizza and ice cream and was gimpy from 2 broken ribs from snowboarding.  Hot, I know.  Then I think, why is it so awkward to run into your ex?  Because so many relationships end without closure.  Perhaps it’s because closure means hearing the truth, and sometimes the truth really fucking hurts.

In recent months, I started juggling with the idea of an Exit Interview.  I mean, we have exit interviews when we leave our jobs, why don’t we have it when we leave relationships.  Don’t you think it would make future ex-encounters much less awkward?  A client of mine recently went through a messy breakup with a girl I know and this is how I would imagine an Exit Interview for him would have been like:

Him: So, I brought you in today to talk about why you’ve decided to leave me.

Her: OK.  I’ve decided to pursue other opportunities.

Him: What is it about the other opportunities that has prompted the leave?  Better money?  Better title?

Her: Actually, there are no other specific opportunities in mind.

Him: So why are you quitting us?

Her: Because we’re growing apart.

Him: Please explain.

Her (flustered): I think we’re better off as friends.

Him: How so?

Her (agitated): Because it’s not really you, it’s me.

Him: OK, what is it about you that has changed?

Her (frustrated): Well, nothing, but I think we could use some time apart.

Him: Why so?

Her (defeated): FINE.  I think you’re boring.  I’m bored.  We do the same thing every weekend.  We have the same routine in bed.  I literally find myself yawning more than usual around you.  I find my gynecologist more exciting than you in the sack.  So I started having a crush on my gyno.  But that’s besides the point.  I need something more exciting, ’cause sometimes, I like pressing the “refresh” button.

Him: So…those would be some of my weaknesses.  Any strengths?

Her: You’re cute, you’re loyal to your friends, and you make really good mac ‘n’ cheese.  Especially when you sprinkle it with bacon bits.

Him: Alright, I will be sure to process your feedback.  Please pack up your toothbrush and curling iron, but please leave my college sweatshirt you’ve been wearing as pajamas.  Thanks.

Unfortunately, this conversation never took place and now he is left more confused than ever.  If the Exit Interview had happened, he would know that for his next gf, he should embrace change and spontaneity, and to make more mac ‘n’ cheese.  Also, if he ran into her again, it wouldn’t be so awkward after having such a mature closure.

But alas, I don’t think we’re at that level of communication sophistication yet.