This weekend, make sure you have all the necessary “tools” to create your own fireworks:
Tools for improving your pick-up game:
Tools for training your dragon:
How to Deal with Penile Performance Anxiety
Tools for in the bedroom:
Learn from Women-Friendly Porn
Tools for when you’re alone:
and when all else fails…
1) Think of your favorite color. Describe it with three words.
2) Think of an animal. Describe the animal using three words.
3) Think of your favorite body of water (natural or manmade). Describe that using three words.
4) Imagine you’re in a room that is painted all white, with no doors or windows. Describe how you feel using three words.
GOT IT? DON’T SCROLL PAST THE LINE UNTIL YOU’VE GOT ALL YOUR ANSWERS.
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The words you used to describe your favorite color are how others perceive you. Your words for the animal are how you see yourself. Your descriptors for your favorite body of water describe your sex life. And your feelings inside the white room are how you perceive death.
Interesting, here are my answers:
Color/Others Perceive Me: Hot, Passionate, Turbulent (Someone hose me down! Or give me Adderall)
Animal/Self-perception: Furry, Intelligent, Agile (Yikes, furry?)
Water/Sex: Blue, Clean, Confined (Note to self: buy whips and chains)
White Room/Death: Liberated, Lonely, Abandoned (Right on point)
Now of course if you’re hitting on a chick, the only question you need to ask is, “Describe your favorite body of water using 3 words.” One of my friends answered, “Large, salty, and turquotic.” I’m guessing you don’t need to waste a drink on her.
Every time girls go out, it’s inevitable that we’re approached by a creeper. Sucks for us but awesome for you! Why? Everything is relative, so if you immediately talk to a girl after she has been creeper attacked, by comparison, you’ll seem 10x more normal and desirable. And if you’re the one to get rid of the dude, you’ll come off as the hero. Here’s how The Creeper Sweeper works:
1) Spot or plant The Creeper. He’s usually alone and creating quite a stir with a girl or group of girls. You can tell by the disgusted looks on the girls’ faces. He may be saying stuff such as, “Where you girls going after this? How ’bout in my pants?” or “Who loves butt sex? Raise you hand!” He may also be the silent creeper; the guy with a staring problem who hovers around girls making them incredibly uncomfortable.
2) Follow The Creeper until he reaches your target. The good thing about him is that he makes his rounds. It is without a doubt he’ll end up bugging the girl you’re digging.
3) Let The Creeper do his thing. ALWAYS let him be creepy first and perform his one-man-play, “I Use Lines from Pornos in Real Life.” Sometimes girls mistaken his first act as a funny, party guy who may be really drunk. By his 2nd act, he’ll have offended someone. And during his last act, one of the girls will try to shoo him away unsuccessfully…because The Creeper is also a lingerer.
4) Sweep The Creeper. As soon as he performs his last act, go in there and save the day. If it looks like he gets the point and is leaving, go approach the group immediately. Now, if it looks like he’s still lingering, gently escort him away. Don’t fight with him, because he’ll be belligerent. Once he’s gone, make up some shit like, “I see this guy here every week, I’m sorry you girls had to deal with him. I thought you were going to slap him! [point to hottest girl in the group]” Perfect ice breaker.
All of a sudden, you just became the most attractive guy in the room! Fuck yeah.
If this technique is too involved and if you’re ballsy enough, take my Toast and Bolt challenge instead.
SINGLEFIED 