Ask Miss Singlefied: How should you celebrate V-Day with someone you just started dating? (+ foolproof guidelines for any relationship)

How to (NOT) celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Nothing says “I dig you” like pork fat

Lucky for all of us suckers, Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this year, which means Friday night is going to be one big pink, cheesy orgy. This year, I keep getting asked the same question from you guys over and over again. So, in the interest of time (and my sanity), let me answer it in a post.

QUESTION:

“I just started dating a girl and we’re not serious yet.  I don’t think it’s appropriate to make a grand gesture for Valentine’s Day.  Is it OK if I just not celebrate it with her?”

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION:

“I’ve been seeing this girl I really like.  She anti-Valentine’s Day and already told me she doesn’t like all the cheesy gestures.  Should I just take her word for it and not celebrate it with her?”

ANSWER:

It doesn’t matter what scenario you’re in, if you are seeing someone and you happen to LIKE this person, YES you should do something for Valentine’s Day.  Here’s the reason why: It really doesn’t matter what she tells you about her feelings toward the “holiday,” if you like her, wouldn’t you want to do something nice for her?  Think of Valentine’s Day as just another opportunity to show her that you like her.  Even if she’s verbally against everything V-day stands for, no girl will ever turn down a nice gesture.  In other words, it can’t give you negative points.

MY ADVICE:

1) If you just started seeing someone new, make a smaller, but meaningful, gesture.  Do something or tailor something to her interests.  And to make it more casual, go for an activity-based date, such as a hike or a trip to the zoo.  TIP: It doesn’t always have to be dinner, chocolate and flowers.

2) If you are dating a girl who doesn’t like the cheesiness factor of Valentine’s Day, then do something non-traditional!  Maybe something stems from an inside joke, or go out and make fun of the cheesiness that’s happening.  TIP: JUST DO SOMETHING.  Every girl still wants to be recognized that day, whether she wants to admit to it or not.

And for those of you who are single for V-day, consider getting some heart candies for all of your female co-workers (the way we used do it in school).  The better “in” you have with the females around you, the better the chance they’ll set you up with their very eligible single friends.

Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day

For singles, here are some ideas for you today:

– Have a porno-watching marathon with the volume on full blast

– Find the ex you can’t stand and have some incredible hate fuck

– Go to an anti-Valentine’s event and rack up on desperate, horny bitches

– At a restaurant, send over an anonymous drink to a random girl on a date with the note, “Will you marry me?”

– Have a threesome with you, your hand and your penis

– Go to church.  Where else do you think the hot virgins are hiding out?

Hope you all have a great V-Day.  Here’s a great video done by my friend PK to a bit by Dane Cook.

Dane Cook on Love: A Typographic Exploration from pk on Vimeo.

V-Day D-Day

Let’s be frank here, no single person likes Valentine’s Day.   It’s just another day to remind you that couples are so cool they get a holiday and the closest holiday to celebrate singlehood would be St. Patrick’s Day.  So, what happens when you just recently started dating a girl and V-Day is less than a week away?  Here are a couple solutions:

1) If you just started dating a girl and you’re really not that into her: get rid of her already!  Don’t wait until after V-Day, it just makes it worse.  Cut her loose and go on a dating hiatus this week.

2) If you just started dating a girl and you are into her, but not enough to commit exclusively: organize or find a group event.  Maybe get a group of your friends to go out for dinner, have a party, or even organize a group bowling tournament.  Find something that says, “I like you enough to spend Valentine’s with you, but I’m not ready to commit.”  And when you present it to her, don’t ignore the words “Valentine’s Day.”  Make it clear that you’d like to spend Valentine’s Day with her in a group situation.

3) If you just started dating a girl and you are ready to commit exclusively: do something one-on-one but not too fancy.  You want to show her that you are fo’ realz about her to spend this commercialized holiday with her, but you don’t want to over-commit by making it too serious.  Propose a nice dinner and something chill afterwards.  Maybe meet up with your other coupled-off friends for drinks or rent a movie (a.k.a. have sex while a movie plays in the background).

The way we, as girls, feel is that we don’t want to make Valentine’s Day a big deal, but we don’t want to be left out either.  Just make sure you communicate and set the right expectations, and you will be handsomely rewarded.  It’ll be like prom night, you’re guaranteed to get some.  And trust me, despite the Pepto-Bismol colored decor, jacked-up flower prices, and PDA overkill, we WILL make your night worthwhile.