QUICKIE TIP #1: When her texts are confusing…

Calling is Not Extinct in Dating

It seems that everybody read last week’s NY Times article, “Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You.”  Fair enough that we hardly call each other anymore, as the article states, “Phone calls are rude.  Intrusive.  Awkward.”  We all seem to have better things to do than to actually hold our phones up to our ears (gross, who does that?!) and talk to a human.  However, this is why I still stand by the courtesy call, when it comes to dating.

Think about it, in this cruel game of dating, it’s hard to stand out sometimes.  You may be just another guy trying to get into another girl’s pants.  How do we, as jaded women, know that you take us seriously?  Sure, you can text us seemingly esoteric jokes, but how do we know you’re not mass texting?  Listen, I know plenty of guys who will mass text “Thinking of you.  What are you up to?” to a rotating list of 5+ girls hoping that one will actually respond with, “Thinking of you too.  Let me take off my skirt and come over.”  We know that the advancements in technology are meant to improve efficiency, in other words, require less effort from you to accomplish what you want to accomplish.  So, if you actually pick up the phone to call us, you’ve already stood out from the clutter of lazy men who are texting us from urinals.

I don’t like to give rules, but I’ll call these “guidelines to calling a girl”:

– ALWAYS call for the first date.  It’s a nice and polite thing to do, plus it makes it clear that it is an official date.

– You don’t have to leave a voicemail.  My friend Krissy the other day forgot how to check her voicemail (she’s not the brightest, but still).  If the girl doesn’t pick up, it’s perfectly acceptable to text her, “Hey just tried calling you.  Wanted to see if you want to hang out Thursday.”

– Call with a purpose.  Meaning, don’t call to small talk or just to check in.  Have a call-to-action.  Call if you want to know if she’s free this weekend or want to express something to her, not if you want to hear her blabber about her weekend ski trip.  Save catch-ups and small talk for in-person conversations.  It’s brilliant if a guy calls and says, “Hey, I want to hear about your ski trip.  Want to get drinks tomorrow?”

– Exercise common sense.  Call during “normal” hours (usually between 10am-11pm), don’t call too much, don’t call when you’re in a loud area, and don’t call when you’re on the shitter.  Common sense, folks, common sense.

– Personalize for her.  Some girls love to talk on the phone and some girls hate it.  During your first 3 dates, ask her how she likes to be contacted.  There are so many ways to reach a person these days (Facebook, text, bbm, IM, twitter), but everyone has their preferred method.

– End the conversation first.  If you make the call, you end the call.  Don’t be a lingerer, that’s annoying.  Once you’ve accomplished your purpose, end swiftly but naturally along the lines of, “Well, I will see you Thursday!  Have a good night.”

Although phone calls appear to be on its way to extinction, it is a bigger deal than you think.  Because phone calls are rare these days, when you do call, it’s a nice, bold gesture.  Plus, it’s one of the best ways to gauge her interest level.  If she’s really into you, she’ll answer the phone/call you back at least once.  If she’s sorta into you, she’ll respond back to your follow-up text.  If she’s not into you, you won’t hear back from her.  I don’t care how busy she is planning for her company’s IPO, if she doesn’t respond after receiving your missed call, she’s not into you.  So therefore, don’t follow-up your follow-up text with a follow-up phone call and another follow-up text.  Creeper.

When to Stop Calling

This is the easiest concept but the hardest to master.  Many of you commit the crime of not knowing when to stop contacting a girl.  So when should you stop?  When she rejects you.  Sounds so simple, BUT some of you can’t identify rejection even if it was disguised as Kim Kardashian’s ass.  Let me break it down for you:

You: “Hey, you want to grab a drink Friday?”

Her: “I have some friends in town Friday.”

===> REJECTION

If she really wants to hang out with you, she’ll either 1) suggest an alternate day, 2) invite you to hang out with her friends, or 3) not lie about her friends being town.  Either way, a girl who likes you would jump at the chance of seeing you.  Don’t follow-up this response by asking her out another time.  All you’re going to get is either another rejection or a pity date.

You: “Little Fockers looks like a funny movie.  I would like to go see it sometime this week.”

Her: “Let me know how it is!”

===> REJECTION

In this scenario, the first mistake is that the guy should be more take-charge and just come out and ask her to the movies.  Besides that, if a girl is into you, she’d be extra sensitive to your hints and would tell you that she’d go see it with you.  And if she doesn’t want to go see Little Fockers, she’d suggest another movie.  But in this case, she’s basically saying, “That’s nice, but I don’t want to go to the movies with you.”

I’d say these are some of the more subtle rejections that girls give out, if you can’t pick up on the other more obvious ones, I guess ignorance is bliss (and lonely).  But when you do realize you’ve been rejected, keep in mind that a rejection is a “not now.”  She may not be interested in you at the moment but give her some time to warm up to you.  How do you do that?  By leaving her alone. Give her time to miss you and wonder why you haven’t called or texted in a while.  If after 3-4 weeks, you’re still thinking about her, drop her a line.  She might be thrilled to hear from you (now that she hasn’t been on a date in a month and is afraid she’s turning into the cat lady).

Before you all complain about how complicated girls are and how we can’t be more straight forward with our rejections, think about how you turn us down.  Similar tactics, huh?!