Ask Miss Singlefied: She acts like your girlfriend but claims she isn’t. Why?

http://www.Singlefied.com – DATING ADVICE: She acts like your girlfriend but claims she isn’t. Why? (DATING ADVICE FOR GUYS)

She holds your hand, is affectionate, and introduces you to all her friends. She certainly acts like your girlfriend, but claims she’s not! Why is she acting that way? Is she leading you on? Miss Singlefied let’s you know what’s up.

Dating can get really confusing when you don’t establish what your relationship is. It sounds silly, why does love and affection need to be verbally established? Well, that’s how you establish boundaries and standards. Without communicating these, it is easy for two people not be on the same page. And when two people are not on the same page, one person is bound to get hurt. Think about it, if there were no rules in sports, then people would able to do all sorts of things to win a game. But it’s only when these rules are established, then people know what is within boundaries. The same goes for relationships. What may be OK to one person may not be OK to the other. Remember, in the grand scheme of things, the person you’re hanging out with is barely a stranger. She hasn’t known you all your life. So how do you expect that you’ll both be on the same page with the same thoughts and ideas of what is good for a relationship. Before you start accusing someone of leading you on or sending you mixed messages, Miss Singlefied in this video shows you what you have the right to feel. You may just rethink your relationships!

Music as follows:
1) Cut Beat 100 by Sahmaoui Abdessamie under the Creative Commons Attributions License available at http://free-loops.com/8603-cut-beat-100.html

2) Rock N Knock by Sahmaoui Abdessamie under the Creative Commons Attributions License available at: http://free-loops.com/8602-rock-n-knock-.html

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Ask your dating questions at: http://www.Singlefied.com or tweet @SinglefiedYue. Yue Xu, aka Miss Singlefied, is an established dating coach for men from NYC, LA and Beijing. She is the founder and advocate of the SoberFirstKiss movement. #soberfirstkiss

Latest press featuring Miss Singlefied:
http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/ways-plays-hard-get

https://thebucketlistlife.com/49-knowing-what-you-want-in-a-relationship-with-dating-coach-yue-xu/

http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/13-best-dating-vloggers-of-2014

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13193/How-Women-Reset-A-Bad-Date/

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-24371673

http://nypost.com/2011/07/08/a-girl-in-every-borough/

http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2012/08/14/rules-expat-dating-ask-yue-xu

Dating Younger: What Freshman Guys Really Think of You

http://life2pointoh.com/2011/07/first-date-advice/

http://www.globaltimes.cn/content/728223.shtml

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/how-to-handle-a-breakup.html

http://www.cmn.com/2012/10/proper-digital-breakup-etiquette-dear-john-2-0/

http://www.examiner.com/article/how-to-make-your-new-year-s-eve-kiss-memorable-and-special

Subscribe to Miss Singlefied’s dating blog here:
http://www.Singlefied.com

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@SinglefiedYue

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Art of Conversation Part II: Deep listening

Art of Conversation #1: Setting the right intentions

Why You’re Still Single.

Dear Readers,

As we approach the end of 2012 (and apparently the end of the world), it is time to do my one cheesy post of the year.  Here’s the thing: this year has been very interesting for me because I have been challenged about the notion of love, The One, and marriage.  For anyone who knows me, I don’t believe marriage is for everyone.  I don’t believe in love at first sight.  And I certainly don’t believe in loving one person for eternity.  I’m not a romantic.  I’m an Aquarius.  Maybe sometimes I see things a little too…realistically.

However, even with this mindset, stripping romance down to its skeleton, I do believe in one thing: there is someone for everyone.  The universe is fair like that.  We, as humans, are meant to be among other humans.  We’re not meant to be single, forever.

Pairing off is arguably the end goal of dating, but many of you have wondered why it hasn’t happened for you.  Here’s why: you’re looking for the wrong things.  In fact, I believe 90% of singles are all in the same boat.

It’s not your fault because it’s how this dating culture is structured.  The problem is, how we date is based on what we know.  In other words, how we date is based on things that haven’t worked out for us in the past (otherwise, we wouldn’t still be dating, right?).  So if you think about it, how we date should be a constantly evolving activity that opens up to things we don’t know.  Hey, can’t knock it ’til you try it.

One of the questions that annoys me is “what’s your type?”  This question is based on what you’ve experienced in the past, so basically types that haven’t worked out.  Of course you’re going to answer this based on attributes you’ve been attracted to in the past, which has now apparently become “your type.”  Newsflash: that’s not “your type.”  Actually, you have no type, because your type will be that person who you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with.  And you haven’t met her yet.

“OK Miss Singlefied, how do we know what we’re looking for then?”

A client told me the other day that his type is “quirky and social.”  Then proceeded to tell me his “quirky and social” ex-girlfriend dumped him because he didn’t want to go out as much as she did.  You see the problem here?  But then I asked him, why were you attracted to this “quirky and social” girl?  He responded with, “she kept me on my toes.”  BINGO.  See, what he’s looking for in a girl is not necessarily “quirky and social” but rather “someone who…keeps him on his toes.”

So here’s the lightbulb moment.  What you should be looking for is not who she is, but rather how she makes you feel.  Let’s do a practice example translating your old list to the new and improved list:

I am looking for someone….

1) Sexy –> “someone who intensifies my sex drive”

2) Active –> “someone who inspires me to get off the couch”

3) Caring –> “someone who makes me feel cared for”

4) Smart –> “someone who stimulates my intellect”

5) Feminine –> “someone who makes me feel more masculine”

6) Hot –> “someone who makes me feel proud to be around”

(*NOTE: I understand there are many more physical attributes you all have on your list, but the 5’7″ brunette bombshell with a nice ass and light green eyes may make you feel absolutely nothing, other than some temporal penile reaction.  So I’m asking you to keep an open mind when it comes to specific physical traits.)

By shifting your list of attributes to a list of feelings, it gives you concrete things that make you happy while giving leeway to whom this person may be and what she may look like.  And also, this is a list unique to YOU, because only you know when you feel these feelings.  So, if a friend sets you up with someone that you’re not interested in, you don’t have to give a jackass explanation like “she was too short.”  All you have to say is, “I didn’t feel it.”

With that said, thank you all for making me feel inspired, challenged, and stimulated.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!

Sincerely,

Miss Singlefied

Curious about speed dating? Miss Singlefied recommends Hurry Date

Ask Miss Singlefied: Is she interested or just being nice? (special Coffee Meets Bagel edition)

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

Ask Miss Singlefied: What to do on a first date? (special Coffee Meets Bagel edition)

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova