Ask Miss Singlefied: What’s the difference between love and infatuation?

Dating in China = LBH + horny local + twinsies

Dating in China changes faster than these half-assed skyscrapers that get built.  This time around, I’m learning more about the deceasing stock of foreigners (white guys), how local girls are getting smarter, and why Confucius won’t let Chinese guys go for white girls.  I was told that if you get offended, I’m doing my job right.   Here’s a podcast I was invited to do by the Economic Observer all about dating in china.

My Theory About L.O.V.E.

It’s my big 3-0 today.  How’s that for some self-promotion?  This birthday feels a little different than the rest.  For one, I’ve come to really appreciate the people in my life: friends who’ve come through for me unexpectedly, family members who are supportive of my non-traditional lifestyle, and you guys, my readers who like what I have to say (whether you agree with me or not).  Also, this is the first time in my life where I’ve really embraced this concept of “love.”  Since love is in the air today, I will get grossly mushy and discuss this scary 4 letter word.

Everybody is looking for love.  We date because we’re looking to have that “feeling” with someone.  In the meantime, the other people we date are just fillers, distractions and warm bodies for lonely nights.  Love puts us in a state of mental retardation. Women often have the misconception that guys are looking for sex/fun and not love.  It’s simply not true.  What I find with my clients is that sometimes guys are more proactively looking for love than girls!  In a study of 16-year-old boys conducted by the State University of New York at Oswego, results showed that when choosing a girl to date, the boys were more motivated by love than sex and physical attraction.

So what exactly is love?  There are two types of love that you could experience within the first 3 dates with someone:

1) “Yeah, I can see myself falling in love with her”:  This is what I call Comfort Love.  She makes you feel good.  You guys have a great time together.  There’s already a level of familiarity.  You have a lot in common.  You can sense that the more time you spend together, the more your love will grow.  Is it exciting and passionate?  Not really.  It just feels good and loving.  Like being home for Thanksgiving.

2) “Holy shit, I don’t know what just hit me”:  This is what I call Risky Love.  You may not have much in common and you don’t even feel that comfortable around her.  But damn, there is just something about this chick that you can’t stop thinking about.  She drives you nuts.  She makes you second-guess yourself.  She makes you feel like you don’t have the upper-hand.  This girl challenges you and as frustrating as she can be, you can’t wait to see her again.  This type of love explains why sometimes we fall for the wrong people.  Is it stable and long-lasting?  Not really.  It’s an adrenaline rush.  Like being on a rollercoaster.

There are 3 possible scenarios that can happen in our lifetime:

a) You marry Comfort Love and then get seduced by Risky Love.

b) You are addicted to Risky Love until it mentally drains you, then you marry Comfort Love.

c) Your Risky Love transforms into Comfort Love.  (Best Scenario)

So on my very special birthday, my wish is for everyone to be surrounded with love (whether Comfort or Risky).  And fine, I also wish for there to be a rare disease epidemic among women where our only cure is to put our mouths on penises.  Better?