Archive for the ‘Understanding Women’ Category

Yue Xu, aka Miss Singlefied, has been quoted in the latest Men’s Health article:

 

Men's Health 5 Ways She Plays Hard to Get

 

There’s a method behind her madness: She’s playing hard to get to gauge your interest and level of commitment, a new study in the European Journal of Personality reveals. Women who act demure at first are mainly looking to weed out guys who want one-night-stands rather than real relationships, says study author Peter K. Jonason, Ph.D.

But is your new lust playing an evolutionary dating game or is she just not that into you? Don’t feel bad if you’re not sure—you’re wired to think she’s interested, even if she’s not, READ MORE HERE

Nothing says "I dig you" like pork fat

Nothing says “I dig you” like pork fat

Lucky for all of us suckers, Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this year, which means Friday night is going to be one big pink, cheesy orgy. This year, I keep getting asked the same question from you guys over and over again. So, in the interest of time (and my sanity), let me answer it in a post.

QUESTION:

“I just started dating a girl and we’re not serious yet.  I don’t think it’s appropriate to make a grand gesture for Valentine’s Day.  Is it OK if I just not celebrate it with her?”

ALTERNATIVE QUESTION:

“I’ve been seeing this girl I really like.  She anti-Valentine’s Day and already told me she doesn’t like all the cheesy gestures.  Should I just take her word for it and not celebrate it with her?”

ANSWER:

It doesn’t matter what scenario you’re in, if you are seeing someone and you happen to LIKE this person, YES you should do something for Valentine’s Day.  Here’s the reason why: It really doesn’t matter what she tells you about her feelings toward the “holiday,” if you like her, wouldn’t you want to do something nice for her?  Think of Valentine’s Day as just another opportunity to show her that you like her.  Even if she’s verbally against everything V-day stands for, no girl will ever turn down a nice gesture.  In other words, it can’t give you negative points.

MY ADVICE:

1) If you just started seeing someone new, make a smaller, but meaningful, gesture.  Do something or tailor something to her interests.  And to make it more casual, go for an activity-based date, such as a hike or a trip to the zoo.  TIP: It doesn’t always have to be dinner, chocolate and flowers.

2) If you are dating a girl who doesn’t like the cheesiness factor of Valentine’s Day, then do something non-traditional!  Maybe something stems from an inside joke, or go out and make fun of the cheesiness that’s happening.  TIP: JUST DO SOMETHING.  Every girl still wants to be recognized that day, whether she wants to admit to it or not.

And for those of you who are single for V-day, consider getting some heart candies for all of your female co-workers (the way we used do it in school).  The better “in” you have with the females around you, the better the chance they’ll set you up with their very eligible single friends.

If you know anything about Miss Singlefied is that she holds nothing back.  And lucky for you, the self-proclaimed “masculinist” will be interviewed live by Just Call Her founder Tommy Danger.  That means anything goes, from dating advice to why rejection is tied to a woman’s ovulation cycle.  TONIGHT! @11pm EST!  You can call-in to join the conversation or tune in as she tucks you into bed.

In case you missed it, you can listen to the entire 30-minute interview here.

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

Men: society owes you an apology.  See, while we’ve been focusing on women’s equality, defining the modern woman, and increasing women’s rights, society has totally forgotten about you penile creatures.  While we’ve been busy “bettering” the lives of women, you’ve been left in the shadows, gathering dust.  I am a self-proclaimed masculinist.  I am pro-male.  And therefore, I feel like we must work together to redefine your role. Because honestly if we don’t, you’ll become obsolete; replaced by robots and dildos.  Let me explain:

1. THE CURRENT SITUATION: You’re not man enough.  Hey, those aren’t my words.  In recent years, a gazillion articles and books have been written about you guys not manning up.  In this article, Why Men Are in Trouble, William J. Bennet  writes, “We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, ‘Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married.’”  And in The End of Men, Hanna Rosin talks about women taking over the workforce, superseding men’s ability to drive the economy.  OK, you get the point.  But basically your perceived lacked of manhood and your infectious Peter Pan Syndrome has led to instructional websites like The Art of Manliness, and books like The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love, in which the author Robert Manni claims that “[if men step up], they’ll realize that the ascent of women is really a good thing.”

2. THE PROBLEM: Your manly roles have been stripped away.  Back in the day, women needed you for the basic necessities.  You were the breadwinner, the head of household.  Without you, we would’ve been hungry, homeless, and babyless.  I would even go as far as saying you validated a woman’s place in society by marrying her.  Nowadays, your services are no longer required.  Women are equally as educated, make just as much money (if not more), and test tube babies are coming out just fine.  In fact, marriage and kids no longer need to be part of the equation.  So what are you good for anymore?

3. THE BIGGER PROBLEM: Women expect you to be manly, whatever that means.  How many times have you heard this scenario – “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “OK.”  “Ugh, you should know what’s wrong.”   We’re not pulling this shit out of thin air.  It’s because women have these expectations of what a man should do and say, but we can’t pinpoint what that is exactly.  Why?  Because again, your role is undefined.  I see this happening a lot: the woman does something to show that she’s an independent woman, but then gets mad when the guy treats her too equal.  For example, “I offered to pay because I make my own money, but fuck him for taking my money when he was the one who asked me out first.”  Or, “I wanted to express my opinions at the dinner party because I am well-informed on this topic, but fuck him for not backing me up!”  Again, it’s your undefined role that’s creating miscommunication with the female species, leading to frustrations, arguments, and 50 Shades of Grey.

4) THE SOLUTION: Redefine manhood.  It’s time we put the attention back on you guys.  Let’s work together to redefine your role in a relationship.  Here are a couple of my suggestions -

  • The Ego Booster.  Tell her she’s beautiful.  Tell her she’s smart.  And tell her her ass looks good in those jeans.
  • The Side Taker. When she’s bitching about her nasty boss, she’s not looking to you to play devil’s advocate.  You take her side ’cause you’re on her team.  So that’s right, her boss is a hoe.
  • The Protector.  I don’t care if she’s an Olympic gold medal wrestler, you should be the one to shield her from bad people, falling objects, slippery puddles, on-coming cars, dance club gropers, vomit on the sidewalk, crawly creatures, and vampires.
  • The Vagina Stimulator.  She may have a vibrator with colorful tentacles coming out of it, but trust me, whatever that thing can do, you can do ten times better.  Why?  Because you have hands, a mouth, and a real penis.  So find out what she likes, what makes her feel good, and do it better every time.

I think above all else, women want to feel like women around their men.  We want to feel feminine yet empowered.  Women are in no shape or form perfect, but the least you can do is fulfill your (new) roles as a man.  Think about it, less time spent figuring each other out = more time in the sack.  Sounds like good math to me.

*Side note for my female readers: Feminism can go too far.  Anything they can do, we can do better…yes.  But do we really want to do everything?  Why burden ourselves with all the pressure and responsibilities? Is it that imperative to prove that we are equal, as opposed to proving how great we are at being women.  And let them prove how great they are at being men.  Because men are great at being men, only when we give them the chance.

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

Sample scenario:

Buddy: “Yo, what happened with the girl you met on Saturday?”

You: “I got her number.  Texted her on Tuesday.”

Buddy: “Nice.  And?”

You: “Nah.  I mean it’s only been three days.  I know she’s really busy with work.  She works at Google, and you know working there can be a bitch.”

Buddy: “What did you text her?”

You: “I wrote…’Hey, it’s Derek, we met on Sat. Wanna grab drinks Thursday after work?’”

Buddy: “As in yesterday?”

You: “Yeah, but it’s cool because I know she takes yoga pretty often, so I’m sure she was occupied with that yesterday.”

Buddy: “Right, ’cause it’s hard to type out a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you’re in down doggie style.”

You: “I believe it’s ‘down dog.’  Thanks.  And shit, she might be out of town for work, I know she travels a lot for her job.  Whatever, I texted her again yesterday to see if she’s in town on Saturday.  Nothing back yet, but if anything she’s just playing games.”

Buddy: “Yeah, playing games as in ignoring you?”

You: “No, she’s just making me work for it.  I like that.  Feisty.  Or maybe she didn’t get the text.  She doesn’t have an iPhone, so you know how crappy the other phones are.”

Buddy: [NO RESPONSE]

You: “Dude, she’s a cool girl.  Not like the rest.  She has a busy life.  I think she’s also involved with some sort of volunteer organization.  And her friends from out of town may still be here.  I’ll probably give her a call this weekend.”

___________________________________________________

What does a PR agent do?  They cover up their client’s mistakes, highlight the positive points, and distract the public from the truth.  For example, when Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch like a chimpanzee, PR statements were put out staying he was preparing for a new movie role.  When Kobe was accused of rape, PR statements described him as a “responsible” man who got involved in a conspiracy.  But guess what, you’re not doing PR for the girl you’re pursuing.  Deep down, you know when you’re being rejected, when she’s being a bitch, and when she’s not interested, but for some reason, some of you still feel the need to DEFEND her.  Especially in front of your friends.  Stop making excuses for her because it doesn’t do you any good either.  In the above scenario, you should just face the truth: she’s clearly not interested but gave you her number because she likes the attention.  But c’mon, no response after 2 texts?  That’s just disrespectful and rude.  You shouldn’t have to defend that fact.

So next time, you find yourself defending some chick you’re chasing after, ask yourself, “Do I actually believe this statement?”  And if you don’t, you better fucking be paid for your PR blitz.

Don’t Take It Personally!: The Art of Dealing with Rejection