Heartbreak and the Emotional Cushion

One of the greatest things I’ve learned about you guys in recent years is that men have feelings too.  You get sad, you cry, and you get, dare I say it, ”emotional” about shit.  I find it fascinating when I meet a guy who is trying to get over a girl….from 3 years ago.

Women fall fast, but men fall hard.

I would argue maybe 80% of clients are trying to get over a girl whether they want to admit it or not.  When a guy comes to me and tells me he wants to get laid by as many chicks as possible, my first response is always “tell me about the last girl you were involved with.”  And more times than not, this prompts an emotional discussion beginning with something like, “She fucked me up…”

It may take awhile for you to decide to commit to a girl emotionally, when it seems that women are constantly looking for that kind of commitment.   However, when you do fall for a girl, you are totally invested and it’s very difficult to get over those feelings after a breakup.

It has been found in numerous studies , that your brain processes emotional pain similar to physical pain.  Your body actually physically hurts.   Men and women deal with heartbreak in very different ways:

See what happens in the above chart is that women start building what I call an Emotional Cushion right away after a heartbreak.  We do so by divulging our emotions internally and externally.  We also start gathering our support group and thus, making the cushion extra cushion-y.  Think of it this way: let’s say you start falling off a building, in those moments of freefall, women are slowly building this large mattress below, because we know without it, it’ll hurt really fucking bad.  You guys, on the other hand, like to think that once you go SPLAT, you’ll come out of it just fine without anything to fall on.

So that leads me to today, nearing the end of breakup season, and talking to an influx of heartbroken men who are just digging themselves deeper and deeper into emotional pain.  What can you learn from women?  Build an emotional cushion.  Start with the internal cushion, where you should reflect and face the pain almost immediately.  Then branch out into external cushion.  I know some of you don’t feel comfortable to talking to  your guy friends, but seek out a good friend who is a girl, a sister, or even a dating coach, perhaps.  Facing and communicating your emotional pain may just break your fall.

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