Close the Ex-Files

Posted: 12/16/2010 by Singlefied in Dating
Tags: , , ,

As humans, we tend to hold on to things, especially memories of the past. That is why it’s hard for us to get rid of photos, souvenirs and memorabilia because these things trigger tangible memories. Same goes for your ex. More guys than girls still keep in touch with their most recent ex and some even hang out on a regular basis. My friend Wendy was dating a guy who kept in touch with all of his ex-girlfriends. He even had pictures of him and all of his has-been girlfriends on his Facebook for the whole world to see. She stopped seeing him after 2 weeks.

Many people will disagree with me on this, but I truly believe once you break up, you should cut off all communication. Here are my top reasons for closing your ex-files:

1) Hanging out with an ex will constantly remind you of a failed relationship. Nobody wants to be reminded of their failures.

2) The presence of an ex will trigger your past behavior. The man you were. Which, in turn, holds you back from being the man you can become.  We’re all works in progress, so why take 2 steps back when you’ve just taken 2 steps forward?

3) Whether you insist on there being no sexual chemistry whatsoever between you and your former lover, the new girl you want to date will never believe you.  Why?  Everyone has had ex-sex at some point in their life.  There will always be a lingering suspicion that you may/still are hooking up with your ex.  Even if you’re not, why create this unnecessary drama?

4) You’re setting yourself up to getting hurt.  You think you’re over her.  It’s all dandy right now when both of you are single.  But what if one day you see her holding hands with some guy and tells you she can no longer hang out with you?  Wouldn’t you feel like such a loser?!

5) Guys often say to me, “I still want to be friends with my ex because she’s fun to hang out with.”  Why?  You have no other friends to hang out with?  Are your friends not fun?!  You have enough friends.  No need to cling on to one that comes with baggage.

6) To put it bluntly: new pussy is better.  No need to revisit the land of been-there-done-that.

Now, I don’t think you have to cut off communication from you ex FOREVER.  If she was a big part of your life or meant a lot to you, you guys will naturally find your way into a platonic friendship zone when the time is right for BOTH parties involved.  If with all this said and you still want to hang on to your ex, maybe you don’t really want her to be an ex.

  1. Datingisms says:

    […] presence of an ex will trigger your past behavior. The man you were. Which, in turn, holds you back from being the […]

  2. […] mostly void of emotions.  As a dating coach, I recommend all of my clients to first close the ex files for at least 3 months and then conduct the interview.  This way, it allows both parties a time to […]

  3. […] princess.  That girl don’t give a shit.  This is the year to let go.  Have you closed the Ex Files?  If your answer is, “Yes, we just meet up occasionally to catch up,” then I […]

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