HOW TO: Talk Dirty

Posted: 03/01/2011 by Singlefied in How To, Sex
Tags: , , , ,

As we established before, the Sex Soundtrack is essential to the overall sexual experience.  Without noises, it’s nothing but a boring movie that will leave her dry and you flaccid.  Some of you are daring enough to try a little dirty talk beyond the moans, groans, whispered “shit” and “fuck.”  But before you get overly ambitious with your creative concoctions of dirty words learned from porn, I have some bad news for you.  Most of you are doing it wrong.  My girlfriend Tracey was fucking a guy who repeatedly asked, “You like riding my cock with your little pussy?”  The first time was hot, but by 10th time of the EXACT SAME question, she blurted out “Shut the fuck up!”  To perfect your dirty talk technique, follow these 3 simple rules:

1) Commit.  If you’re going to talk dirty in bed, commit to the idea.  Don’t get shy and stop half way.

2) build iT UP.  Like any good story, you start small and end with a bang.  Ease her in with a splash of dutty (“I love sucking on your tits”) and end with down right nasty (“Rub your pussy juice all over me”).

3) Enunciate.  Besides getting a broken penis from reverse cowgirl, there’s probably nothing worse than miscommunication in the heat of the moment.  My friend Lacey thought this guy said, “I want to stick it in a burrito,” when he was really saying, “I want to stick it in your pussy hole.”  They had a good laugh about it, but he never got to stick it where he wanted it.  How sad.

And just for upkeep, you should always be expanding your sex talk vocabulary.  The more variety you throw into the experience, the more memorable you’ll be.


  1. Datingisms says:

    […] with your creative concoctions of dirty words learned from porn, I have some bad news for you.  Most of you are doing it wrong. LikeBe the first to like this post.▶ No Responses /* 0) { jQuery('#comments').show('', […]

  2. energia4 says:

    Lovely site. Learning never stops they say. It won’t stop here. Nice post, made me feel wicked.

  3. […] I don’t know if it was Ricki Lake who coined the phrase, “It’s not the size of the ocean, it’s the motion of the ocean” on her talk show in the late 90′s, but that’s the moral of the story here.  You could have the best tool in the toolbox, but if you don’t know how to use it, it’s a waste.  There are many ways of stimulating a girl in bed, and the size of your cock takes a backseat to staying hard, manhandling, foreplay, oral sex and dirty talk. […]

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