3 things happened to me recently. I was interviewed (and quoted) for a a blog post on Cougars on Urbane Perspective. I randomly came across an episode of Strange Sex on Discovery Health on Cougar-Cub relationships, namely a 73-year-old Hattie on a first date with a 33-year-old Ron. Then, a client of mine just recently started dating a woman 8 years his senior.
FACT: As of 2003, 34% of women in the U.S. over the age of 40 are dating younger men. (Strange Sex)
Guys, if you remember from my Dating Timeline, most of you will go through a period of dating older. For some of you, it may stick for a while and a small percentage of you will even end up marrying a cougar. So before you start searching for love on Cougar Life, let me give you some Pros and Cons.
PROS OF DATING OLDER WOMEN:
– She’s established. Older women tend to be at a more stable stage in life (than you), thus; creating more stability and less drama than clueless 20-year-olds.
– She’s independent. They’ve made it this far alone, so they’ve accumulated enough resources and confidence to survive on their own. They’re not dependent on your or your money.
– She’s at her sexual peak. Women reach their sexual peak much later than men, so it makes sense that a 35-year-old woman would want to hump all day with her 21-year-old boy toy. How can any guy argue with that?
– She’s eager to teach. You, mister, have a lot to learn. An older woman has been through more than you in life and in bed. Also, she’s probably been with enough men to know exactly what you want, too. Such as, how to hold your balls when you’re about to jizz.
- She knows what she wants. Older women tend to play less games because they’ve been there, done that. They’ll lay out all their cards from the beginning so you know what you’re getting into.
– She wants to play. Listen, a 40-year-old woman knows pretty well that she’s not going to find lasting love with a 22-year-old guy straight out of college. Chances are, she’s had her share of heartbreaks, serious relationships, and maybe even marriages. This is her time to play. Recess, anyone?
CONS OF DATING OLDER WOMEN
– She comes with baggage. Maybe it’s distrust of men from a cheating ex. Anger from a nasty divorce. Or a strong desire for independence due to a possessive former flame. Older women may have their ish together and have enough self-awareness to recognize the baggage they carry. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have baggage.
– Age will come up. In arguments, she will play the age card. When you’re losing at Trivial Pursuit, she will play the age card. As much as you both think age is just a number, there are fundamental physical, mental and cultural differences that you can’t possibly ignore.
– You’re disposable. A woman dating a man significantly younger than her (10+ years) sees him as an accessory. She wants to bring him to parties, show him off to her friends, and bring him to her 20 year high school reunion. All is fun and games until you start feeling emotionally attached, and she starts flirting with your younger brother. This is not the case for all, but it is a valid concern.
– She’s set in her ways. She has a way of living her life and she knows what she likes. It’ll take a lot to break her out of her routine or to do anything your way.
– She doesn’t want to take care of you. It’s often the misconception that cougars provide maternal love to their younger lovers. Although all women have a basic level of maternal instinct, an older woman does not want to take care of the man she’s dating. She wants to care for you but not baby you. If you’re looking for a 2nd mom, you have a better chance of convincing your mom to become a lesbian.
– Your friends may not get along. Her friends may be married with 5 kids and your friends are still doing keg stands. It’s going to be hard to get everyone to hang out as one big happy group. Not getting your friends to hang out together could put a damper on your joint social life.
So there you go! Just like with any girl, there are Pros and Cons. I believe everyone should try dating outside of their age range, race, comfort zone…so go for it. Mrs. Robinson is waiting!