Posts Tagged ‘singlefield’

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I spent the last couple of weeks escaping the NY heat in beautiful Los Angeles.  During my time there, I decided to do a little online dating myself, since I keep blogging about it.  I mean, I spend a lot of time evaluating people’s profiles, drafting messages, and hearing success/horror stories from girlfriends.  But, it has been since 2003 that I actually did online dating myself.  Some good ol’ ethnographic research was overdue!

Let me just say this: I think online dating is great for practice and for having a little casual fun.  However, I advise everyone to view it as a “layover” to a real relationship.  Here are some pros and cons:

PROS:
It’s efficient so you don’t have to waste time at bars and clubs sorting through the “bad lemons.”
It’s great practice (some of my clients go on 5 dates/week just to hone in their skills).
All the cool kids are doing it.  There’s no longer a stigma attached to online dating.  It seems that everyone is on some site these days.
It can be fun.  Going “shopping” for a potential mate while buying toilet paper online is fucking awesome.  That shit never happens offline.

CONS:
It breeds “serial daters.”  Online dating is addictive and once people start going on multiple dates, they get addicted to that idea.
It makes you think there’s always something better.  “What if I haven’t gone through all 600 matches and the best woman for me is the 589th match?  I cant settle for match #56.”
It makes you more insecure.  Women are bombarded with emails and most guys don’t get the response they want.  You guys have a better chance talking to a pretty girl in person (at a bar) than getting a response from her online.
It doesn’t make people want to settle down.  Online dating is like high school.  The Freshman class is always changing so there’s always “fresh meat.”
It takes the mystery out of organic dating Before you meet someone in person, you already know so much about them that you’ve already formed your own opinion and judgment.
It makes you overlook people you should be dating.  The most important thing in a profile is the picture.  Online daters tend to message the ones that are most attractive, not necessarily the ones that are in their league.  In an offline situation, a man is able to evaluate whether a woman is approachable or not.  He is also able to see his competition of men who are also talking to her.  But in an online situation, it creates a fake atmosphere where people think everyone is on an even playing field.  This is why a lot of men do not get the response they want!
The curse of the buffet Too many options doesn’t necessarily mean its a good thing.  Many people get overwhelmed and confused by their abundance of choices.  Eventually, the profiles start blending together and it’s hard to decipher who you really want to pursue.

So with that said, I want to introduce you to some winners I met (GUYS, IT’S REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO STAND OUT.  YOUR COMPETITION SUCKS ASS):

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Thanks to the hilarious Simone Grant, I was given the opportunity to guest post for her popular blog, Sex Lies & Dating in the City.  *No exes were harmed in the making of this post:

Let’s face it, most of us don’t exactly get “closure” when we go through breakups.  Sometimes, after much time has passed, it’s hard to even pin point what were the exact reasons for splitsville.  For the past year, I’ve been playing around with this idea of an Exit Interview.  We have exit interviews when we leave a job, so why don’t we have exit interviews when we leave a person?

The premise of the Exit Interview is to reveal each other’s strengths and weaknesses, reasons for departure, and key takeaways for the next relationship.  I know, this all sounds so corporate, but the Exit Interview is most successful when it’s mostly void of emotions.  As a , I recommend all of my clients to first close the ex files for at least 3 months and then conduct the interview.  This way, it allows both parties a time to chill out and think (somewhat) rationally.

While this all sounds fine and dandy, and it has proven successful with several of my friends and clients, I decided it’s time to practice what I preach.  I picked 3 victims from my past and went for it.  Here’s an overview of my victims:

1)   The Freebird.  He loved the idea of falling in love.  The problem was, we weren’t in love.  Also, his younger age created a sense of insecurity about where he was in his life, and I needed more from the relationship.  Not commitment-wise.  I just needed more of a man.  [I ended it]

2)   The Good Guy.  He was perfect on paper.  The problem was, I never felt a connection with him.  I tried and tried to like him.  But in the end, my heart wouldn’t budge. [I ended it]

3)   The One.  I pictured him at the end of the aisle.  The problem was, he was a perpetual bachelor whose heart was as small and crammed as a NYC apartment.  Not much room for anybody else.  I thought I could change him.  He was my “project.” [He ended it]

EXIT INTERVIEW: The Freebird:

We decide to meet for lunch at a casual restaurant.  The premise is to “catch up” but of course I have ulterior motives.  Freebird looks cuter than ever with his borderline hipster style and frayed backpack.  That’s the problem: Freebird would’ve been my perfect crush in high school.  He’d walk by me in the hallway on his way to Chemistry and I’d giggle to myself while secretly writing our initials in hearts inside my locker.  But again, that would’ve been great in high school.

Our conversation starts with the usual small talk and I slowly ease my way into the hard-hitting questions, Barbara Walters style.  I ask him why he thinks our relationship ended….(read the rest here).

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I’ve been getting lots of questions about online dating lately, which makes perfect sense.  Summer is prime online dating season.  For those of you who’ve been online dating for a while, I’m sure you’ve noticed that the “inventory” in the summer is a lot better than in the winter.  So, I thought now would be a good time to give you a compilation of all the tools you’ll need to be a successful online dater.  And of course, if you need personalized help such as reviewing your profile, message drafting, etc, you can check out the services I offer.

1) Your profile pic: it’s the most important thing.  I recently saw a guy whose profile picture was him playing beer pong.  Dude, unless he’s the beer pong world champ, I can guarantee you no girl would ever click on his profile.

2) Try a niche online dating site Some of the bigger online dating sites are just a clusterfuck of random chicks who you have nothing in common with (except they have vaginas, and you like vaginas).  If you’re looking for a better response rate, it’s time to find your target audience.  My favorite is still HowAboutWe.

3) Personalized and targeted messaging Did you know the majority of your competition sends out general messages, such as “Hey, wanna chat?”  No girl wants to respond to that.  That’s what Live Links is for, dumbass. Like any good ad, you’ll get the best response rate if your messaging is personalized and targeted.

4) Don’t get carried away.  I call it “The Curse of the Buffet.”  Looking at too many choices is not always a good thing.  Know when you’re getting out of hand with your online “shopping” and serial dating.

Remember, the key to dating online is to take it offline.  If you find yourself spending more time sifting through profiles and IM’ing until 5am, you might as well be jerking off to porn.  Much better use of your time.

 

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I love sharing my illicit experiences with you guys. I hope they titillate and inspire you to new levels of lewd and crude ways to get off with those heavenly creatures we call women. I have a lot of success without a doubt but sometimes I feel like the Anti-Dick when I fail. When I do fail it is in spectacular fashion, so without further ado let me share with you the last two weeks.

I hang out with this one female and it is obvious to all that she worships and is completely intimidated by me. Let’s not mince words, she is obsessed with me and would do anything for me. Sounds great right? She is marrying material except I don’t want to get married. She is also a tad below my high standards for looks. Lets face it, I love having some nice arm candy wrapped around me that others covet and do a double take while thinking how does a guy like that get a girl like that. Otherwise, she is pretty damn awesome; smart, witty, sweet, shares some of the same hobbies I enjoy. But there is no chase, no pull of chemistry, it just seems too damn easy for me. I know what would happen: I would take her for granted and a few weeks from now write about how I hooked up with her cousin or mother. Meanwhile, we go on these “NoDates” together, you know dinner and a movie but no affection. Today she jumped into my car for another “NoDate” and had a gift bag of a bunch of cute thoughtful gifts. I’m tempted but I don’t want to run over her heart.

Meanwhile, on top of my plethora of “NoDates” I have this young female friend on XBox Live. We met playing Team Fortress 2 together. She is sweet but awfully young like just now she is legal. She is a good player though, so we chat on our mics from our separate lives but we have been playing together for so long inevitably we became Facebook friends. Well, this week she admitted in a tirade of heartfelt messages that she wants me to marry her non-English speaking mother so one they get their green card, two so her mom doesn’t grow old alone, and three because it would be nice to have a father figure around like me since I don’t talk down to her when I give her good fatherly advice. The messages were so serious and desperate they pulled at my few heart strings. The next morning was a final message from her saying her mom said we should all go to the zoo together.

Am I getting soft?

Then finally my one good friend calls me up saying he has found the perfect girl for me. She is this cute hard edge death metal chic who is Jewish and harbors some dark Nazi sexual fantasies she hasn’t found anyone to fulfill with. Now, I am perverted and twisted but Nazis? I always say try it once for it’s better regret something you have done then regret something you haven’t done but how down the rabbit hole would this take me? None of this stopped me from looking her up on Facebook. She is skinny, tough, but soft, Israeli woman, who defiantly loves Death Metal. Speaking further with my friend, apparently he and four other friends had a conference with her at the local bar to sell her on me. Now, I know all about her and I could see us getting together and all that implies but again not only is that some dark twisted shit but it just seems too easy.

The last weeks were just a slew of belt notches in the waiting from the friend willing and waiting to be sacrificed on the penis alter of Dick Lambert, the desperate illegal non-English speaking mom of a video game teammate, to the sick little songbird that wants me to break her further. Aren’t there any normal women out there? Anyone up for a good ole fashioned chase?

Even I know the exquisite pain of the guy who goes home alone because without the bitter baby, the sweet ain’t as sweet.

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Now only $20.44 on Amazon

The gym is a perfect place to meet hot girls…only if you do it right.  Many guys like to pick up girls while they’re working out.  BIG MISTAKE.  The gym is first and foremost a place where people go to work out.  Please don’t disrupt their routine and also it makes you look like that guy who comes to the gym to prey on sweaty girls.  Dude, your goal at the gym should be to work out as well.  That beer belly isn’t going on vacation anytime soon.

So here’s the key to picking up girls at the gym: think HIGH SCHOOL.  The gym is the perfect environment to recreate the high school mentality of the established Seniors vs. the new Freshman meat.  Remember when you were a Senior and felt like you ruled your school?  You knew all the teachers, you had an established group of friends, and you knew where all the classes were.  Didn’t it feel so good to catch a lost Freshman trying to find her way to Biology and you casually pointing her in the right direction?  And of course if she was cute, even better!

Now that you have the high school mentality, I am going to give you step-by-step instructions on how you can pick up the new Freshman class at your gym, breaking it up into the Advanced and Beginner levels:

1) Establish your seniority

Advanced: Get to know all the staff at your gym.  Shoot the shit with the guy who checks you in.  Talk to your instructors after class and get on their mailing list.  Try out a couple trial personal training sessions with different trainers.  And most importantly, get to know the membership services people.  They’re going to be key to your dating success.  Also, take classes so you familiarize yourself with them.  Explore the gym so you know where everything is: weights, cardio, stretching machines, kettle bells (girls love that shit), and mats.

Beginner: Just be good with names.  Try to learn 2 new names of staff members every time you go to the gym.  And most importantly, know the names of the membership services staff.  Also, get to know the gym and where everything is located.  Try out a new class a week so you can form your own opinion about it.

2) Spot your Freshman class

You’ve all seen staff giving prospective customers tours of the gym.  Most people take these tours during their lunch break or right after work.  These tours usually come with a free trial pass, which the customers will usually use that same day, and sometimes right after the tour.  BINGO, this is your Freshman class.  They don’t know where anything is, they don’t know anybody, but they do know they want to work out and look good.  Perfect.  Time to pounce.

3) Intercept a gym tour

When you see a hot girl on a tour, go approach the staff member who is with her.  Here’s a little insight: membership services staff love it when gym members approach them during a tour, because it shows that the gym cares and gets to know their members and you would also be like a walking testimonial for why you chose this gym.

Advanced: Since you should already know the staff member by now, go over to say “Hi,” throw in something personalized for that particular staff (“You were right about the abs class, it was a killer”), then turn to the girl and say, “You’ll love it here.  [INSERT STAFF NAME] will take good care of you.”  BAM, you just established relevance with your Freshman meat.

Beginner: Maybe you don’t know the staff member too well or you may not even know his/her name.  Don’t worry, go over and say “Hi” anyway, they’ll welcome a friendly greeting.  Then ask a quick question (“Do you know if Mark is training today?”  “Where can I find the schedule for Labor Day weekend?”  “Do you have time later I can talk to you about upgrading my membership?”).  And if you have the guts, turn to the girl and say the same thing as an the advanced technique (see above).

4) Re-approach Freshman in the hallway

Remember what I always preach, which is girls will be more open to your advances if you’ve established some sort of familiarity.  Now that you’ve done this with your tour interception, it’s time to make your move.  But DO NOT approach her during a workout, catch her on her way from the water fountain, or taking a break between machines.

Advanced: Approach her first and establish that you met her on her tour earlier, so she has context of who you are.  Then ask her what she thinks of the gym.  She may have questions or concerns and you can address those accordingly.  Maybe she wants to know what classes you recommend and since you’re well versed in all the classes, you can give your honest opinion.  Maybe she’ll ask you which trainer you like, you can even lead her to your favorite trainer and introduce the two.  Remember, you’re the established Senior and she’s the lost Freshman.  Your confidence should come across that way.

At the end of your conversation, make sure to ask if she’s thinking about joining.  If she says no, you should just ask her out.  I mean, what do you have to lose, you won’t see her again.  But if she says yes, proceed to the next step.

Beginner: You may not know names, classes and equipment as well as the advanced guy, but you do know your way around the gym.  Direct her to what she’s looking for, tell her about special quirks of the gym (“The water tastes better on the 2nd floor for some reason” “There’s a pregnant abs teacher, it’s interesting…” “If you come back after 8, it’s a lot quieter.”)  She’ll appreciate all your tips and will still look to you as the knowledgeable Senior.

5) Ask her to the Prom

Well, not necessarily the Prom, but a date at least.  Before you ask her out, make sure to have more face time.  Get to know her workout schedule and try to coincidentally match it up.  Once a friendly relationship is established, you can casually ask if you can buy a smoothie afterwards, or grab a quick dinner.  I mean, who can refuse food after a work out, right?

Good luck this weekend gym rats!  And for the rest, maybe it’s time for you to join the gym.

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Written By: The Unsung Romantic (Continued from Episode 1)

Her Codename: Kinky Double-Lover

Category: Polyamorous (See Polymory)

Maybe this is the kind of crazy you want? A girl who is admittedly convinced that it is possible to be in love with more than one guy at a time – or more. Before we summarize the story of Kinky Double-Lover (KDL), let’s always remember our task at hand with each episode: To find out what kind of crazy is just the right amount to make you want to lose your mind for her, forever. I’m not quite there yet.

So I met KDL online under the masquerade that is Match.com. I’ll be honest, online dating is a shitload of fun, if only for the sole reason that the majority of women and men patrolling the menu pages of specimens already have severe issues dating in a traditional, conventional way. I also have an underlying theory that many of the people on Match.com have severe sexual fantasies, repressions and primal needs they mask with the task of meeting your perfect match to live happily forever after with … It is possible.

The thing with a polymorous individual is that there is a constant need for attention (sexual and emotional). Most of the time, if the male grants her with both of these stimulus packages she is unable to handle what she states she wants. So, for you as the guy, you either have to be the one to fuck her or not-to-fuck her. Unless you can find the ability to role play every couple of months into both male figures.

How did it play out with Kinky Double-Lover? Within the span of a year, we met online, went on our first date and decided it be prudent to go on a second date where the inevitable happened – We had sex. Not just any sex, but the kind of sex that automatically brands this new relationship as we are only here to fuck. Then the ultimate-inevitable thing happened – she said after texting away furiously on her phone by our fourth date, “So I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend … ” “What do you think?” This is where I first thought as the alpha-male that I was so damn good I made this girl break up with her boyfriend, which was instantly followed by me saying, “What boyfriend?” and “So, what do you want me to do now?” What I learned was that apparently she loved the way we fuck and the taste of my dick so much more than anyone before (a line she had rehearsed very well, with very many).

But here is the real truth as we fast forward one year into the future …

Over the span of twelve months, KDL broke up with me twice, said she loved me twice, got back together with me twice and at the 10th month anniversary, broke up with me a third time after an impromptu trip to Italy just after Christmas all because she was now madly in love with my Italian counterpart who had a similar name, similar job, similar age, was an ex-boyfriend and best of all – had a similar fucking-style. So similar that in a surprise email via Facebook from my arch nemesis, I found out that she had professed her love for him and me in a very convoluted double-life she was living by telling us exactly word for word these beautifully recited lines, “No one fucks my ass like you. No one. God, I love you. I could marry you.” Here is the best thing we found out after joining forces in a cooperative investigation – When KDL was saying I love you to him, she was asking me to throw her against the wall and (fill in the blank). When that got old, she would swap our roles and we’d be the fun-loving just hang out, cuddle team who would speak of a future together while she was sex-skyping Mr. Italy.

When either one of us reminded her that we could fulfill her need to be loved and be fucked like a loveless creature at the same time (gasp), she exploded into a violent storm of denial telling the other that we did not fulfill one of those elements. So in the end, she broke up with him and then, I broke up with her, leaving her to create another paradox relationship of two guys and a girl in a galaxy far-far-away.

The thing is, KDL is the polyamorous fantasy of a girl every guy sometimes dreams of. The one that wants to just be cuddly and leave you to fucking others one month, while the next she is begging for you to fuck her until she bleeds (literally) and no one else. And the best thing is, she never, ever asked me, nor him if we had other affairs going on.

The question for you is this:  Do you have what it takes to tell your ego that cuddle-fucker is most likely now and forever in search of filling continuous separate voids of sex and love? And that no matter how good you are in bed, or how much love you profess, it will never be enough for her. She will always somehow and somewhere have another kinky double-lover hidden under the sheets. If that’s your crazy, my advice is to check your emotions at the door as hard as it may be and keep your #2, #3 and more on speed-text up until the ripe age of death.

Background Check: After further investigation, it was also revealed that polyamorous KDL is a Korean-Adoptee.  We will cover the particulars of adoptees, Korean girls and Asian girls as a whole in future stories.

Do you have a story about what your “That Kind of Crazy” is? Spill it, brother.

Cheers,

The Unsung Romantic