Let’s take all the lessons learned from 2011 and apply them to a kick ass 2012. I can already see that 2012 is going to be hotter, smarter, and kinkier than 2011.
10. Surround yourself with success stories
Misery does love company so hanging out with your loser friends, who think women are the devil, is probably not the best way to start off 2012. People take on the mindset of the characters they surround themselves with. Have you ever noticed that you eat a lot more around your foodie friends? Or drink a lot more around your alcoholic buddies? It’s called “groupthink,” a social phenomenon where groups reach social consensus without good reasoning. It’s something that happens psychologically with all us in group situations. So, if you’re going to experience groupthink, why not experience it with happy, successful people? 2012 is the year to be selective about who you hang out with the most. Is it your buddy Tom who can’t over “that bitch” or your coworker Dave, a former douche who is dating an awesome girl with even more awesome single girlfriends?
9. Don’t hold on and don’t lead on
This is where I firmly stand: feelings are either there or not. Feelings and chemistry cannot be manufactured. This is why sometimes we have feelings for people we should’t have feelings for. It’s out of our control. So, there’s no hope in forcing chemistry with anybody. If the girl you’ve been pining after has already told you she’s not interested, I can 100% guarantee you she’s still not interested. 2012 is not the year for you to convince that girl that you would treat her like a princess. That girl don’t give a shit. This is the year to let go. Have you closed the Ex Files? If your answer is, “Yes, we just meet up occasionally to catch up,” then I don’t want to talk to you anymore. You obviously do not understand what “closing the door” means.
Similarly, if you’ve been leading a girl on, sure it’s fun and games, but you know you’re hurting her feelings, too. We all like to surround ourselves with people who like and admire us. But that’s what friends and stalkers are for. Not the poor girl who poured her heart out to you. Let. her. go.
8. Constantly improve yourself
I had a really interesting conversation with my good friend B the other day. He’s been in NYC forever and used to be quite the playa, like Dick Lambert level. When I first moved to NY 7 years ago, B used to play this game called “Shampoo.” Similarly to how you shampoo, the suds would build up to a bigger and bigger lather. Well, B would literally take a girl out on a date, and while on the date, hit on a hotter girl. And while on the date with the hotter girl, he would hit on an even hotter girl. I’ve personally witnessed him do it a couple times and was compelled to give him a plaque.
Recently I was out with B, and he said this to me, “Just the satisfaction of knowing I could sleep with that chick [points at hot girl] is good enough. Frankly, I’d rather go home early, avoid waking up next to someone I’m never going to call, and actually get my ass to the gym in the morning.” B now looks better than ever and even took up Spanish lessons. Instead of wasting his time on girls that were nothing but a hot piece of ass, he made himself into a hot piece of ass.
How can you improve yourself this year? You can always be smarter, fitter, richer, cooler, nicer, and just overall better.
7. Act your age
The Peter Pan Syndrome is only cute around your mom, and even she may want to slap you sometimes. If you’re in the I-Don’t-Know-What-I’m-Doing age bracket, then fine, you be a dumbass and nobody’s gonna judge. But if you’re a grown ass man pulling a Benjamin Button, nobody’s going to have sympathy for your dating woes. The fact is, you know exactly how you’re suppose to act at your age. The “I’m a 22-year-old trapped in a 30-year-old’s body”? Not hot. What is hot is the 22-year-old trapped in his 22-year-old body.
We, women, want to date a man who acts his age. It’s really not too much to ask.
6. Start new adventures
Dating is a lot more fun if you see it as a series of adventures. Remember the first time you and your buddies went on a roadtrip to nowhere? Or when you decided to discover a new route to work? Those are adventures. Those are the times when you didn’t know what to expect but you were excited about the unknown. Dating should be the same. That girl who’s standing behind you at Starbucks? She’s a new adventure. I wonder why she has jogging gear on in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. And that seemingly quiet girl you met at last weekend’s house party? She’s a new adventure. I wonder what really makes her tick. Adventures are about learning and EVERYONE can teach you a thing or two.
5. Stop playing the victim
Everybody comes with a disclaimer. “Emotionally-damaged, questionably-distant with a streak of douchiness.” I’m a big fan of disclaimers because it’s an honest approach to dating. However, what is not healthy is using disclaimers to excuse your behavior or your unfavorable situation. Let me tell you that almost every client I’ve had opens up the conversation with, “I just got out of a really bad relationship,” or “My family is fucked up,” or “I’ve had to support myself all my life…” and then finish the sentence with, “and that is why I’m an asshole,” or “that is why I can’t have healthy relationships.” I get it, we’ve all been through shit and it makes for our strengths and weaknesses. However, victimizing yourself will only make you lazy and complacent. You’ll always have something else to blame other than yourself. Having emotional baggage is like having a handicap. But, does the one-legged man not go on the treadmill because he only has one leg? No, he fucking finds a way. Does the deaf lady stop playing music because she can’t hear? No, she fucking finds a way. So, does the guy with a dysfunctional family avoid starting a family of his own? No, he fucking finds a way to start a better family. We are human beings and it is in our power to morph, cope and transform. Your life challenges and hardships are there to strengthen you for the road ahead, they’re not there to excuse the road you’re stuck on. Move forward.
4. Be open to change
Your dating life may be less than favorable because everything’s the same. If you keep plugging in the same formula, you’re going to keep getting the same result. 1+1 will always equal 2. So let’s take a lesson from basic algebra and change the variables. Find the variables that are the most negative in your life. Is is the bumblefuck town you’ve been in for 10 years? Is it the hellish job that causes you to drink gallons of alcohol? Or maybe it’s the same circle of childhood friends who’ve now married their cousins and had ugly babies? 2012 is a year for change and you gotta be open to it. Once your variables change, your outcome is guaranteed to be different.
3. Be respectful and respectable
I don’t need to elaborate much on this; it’s common sense. You should always treat others with respect, even if it means hurting them or putting them in an undesirable situation. Being a respectable human being can only yield respectable dating results.
2. Be a MAN
I don’t blame some of you for forgetting to be a man sometimes. This society is so focused on gender equality, that it forgot to emphasize the importance of being a man. The role of the man is often overlooked and undermined. That has to change. But YOU should still focus on fulfilling your manly role. There’s a great website called The Art of Manliness that focuses on manly things not just in relationships, but in every aspect of your life. What makes us as women attracted to you is the fact that we can’t be you. We can’t be men. We’ll never be men. That is why your manliness is sexy and admirable. We want you to take your stance, smell like a man, take charge, claim your woman, show your strength, acknowledge your weaknesses, and fucking manhandle us like there’s no tomorrow. Pound your chest and have something to show for it, Tarzan.
1. DON’T BE A DICK
There’s a big difference between having a big dick and being a big dick. You have a choice in the latter. Choose wisely.