Posts Tagged ‘date a stripper’

Written by: Dick Lambert

Continuing on from last week’s stripper post of the rules of dating a stripper, this week is about fucking one.  What’s it like to bang a stripper, Dick? The first time I had just exit interviewed out of a long relationship, my mates being the mates that they are took me to the local strip club to celebrate my release after serving.

A cute, short, and stacked blond comes by to ask if I want a lap dance. I say no, maybe later. A little later she comes back in a different outfit; now sporting panties, ass-less chaps, and a cowgirl hat with tall black boots. She says “It’s later, lets go.” My friends give me the nod that this one’s on them.

We go to the middle of the lap dance room and she starts grinding away and talking to me. I find out she is from a town not far from me but lives in Hawaii, and she is here to visit her family. We continue talking more all the while she is grinding a little harder on me. The song ends and she continues, not even pausing to ask if I want another dance or not. Another two songs go by and she is really creating a lot of friction between us. I feel her getting warmer and I swear I feel a slight dampness on my leg. She continues to grind until she finally shudders and collapses into me. She says “Thank you,” kisses me on the cheek and then tells me to sit up front for her show.

The show starts and I am up front as requested. She is dressed as a sexy teacher doing a dance to Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher.” She lavishes me during her performance as if it’s my bachelor party. She tells me to wait for her. My friends leave me. She comes out after the place is closed and I am rideless, milling about a little unsure. She wants to go to her hotel so she can change.

At the hotel, I head into the bathroom with the intention of taking a leak. She rushes in and tells me not to waste it, while dragging me into the shower. The water is running and we get naked as the shower is pelting us. She gets on her knees, tells me to piss into her open mouth. Who am I to say no? I piss in her mouth. She tells me over and over she isn’t a slut like a mantra while we have the best stand up shower fuck that I still haven’t come close to topping today.

Not every stripper will have you piss in her mouth as your mileage may vary, but it will likely be a very extreme experience for good or bad. Just go with it. Next week, I will write about the price of dating a stripper.  What could be so bad about a girl who lets you golden shower her vocal cords?  Just you wait.

Written by: Dick Lambert

I’m going to give you a three part on strippers because I have that much damn wisdom and experience with pole dancers.  So, sit back and learn how to date them, how good are they in bed, and what it’s really like to date them.
The absolute sure fire way to date a stripper is to work at a strip club.  The DJ, bouncer, or manager finds
themselves surrounded by co-workers who happen to be working as strippers.  What happens at work? People fuck
each other.  The more time or exposure you have around someone in a boring environment, such as work, the
probability of fucking them goes up.  Yes, that is right, working at a strip club becomes boring for the strippers, the
DJ, the bouncers, the bartender, and the dishwasher.

Let me assume though, you haven’t been as blessed as I have working as a DJ at three different strip clubs.  I have
fucked a stripper from at least every Eastern Block Country, my dick is fucking international.  Maybe you have a good
office job…YAWN and benefits… ok, you got me there.. but you can still date a stripper.   There are some hard and fast
rules that you have to adhere to though:

#1 You cannot buy a stripper.  Unless you are stupid wealthy, then sure, everyone has a price right?   The worse
thing you can do is spend a lot of money on lap dances with her.   All this does in her mind is remind her she is at work and you are a customer.   Also, strippers don’t like to be compared to prostitutes so attempts to buy their affections don’t work.  Besides, they probably make more than you anyway.

#2 Don’t horn dog around with the other strippers. She doesn’t want to see that you had three lap dances with
Amber whose real name is Emily and she fucking hates Emily because Emily is a catty bitch.  Plus she is a woman
and if she is considering dating you, she doesn’t want to think you have a thing for strippers.  LOL I know go figure.

#3 Don’t do the brush’n’linger with your singles. If you want to date her,  just hand her the single, look her in the eyes and say “Thank you.”  Don’t do the creepy brushing hand off of the singles.  You know what I’m talking about, when you put the dollar in her cleavage and you brush’n’linger your hand there.  It’s creepy and desperate.

#4 Do not monopolize her time. Let her do her thing at work.

#5 Close the deal a half hour before the place closes. Tell her you are heading out somewhere and you’d like to see her when she isn’t working.  Be a little nonchalant Johnny Don’t Care because she runs into a lot of weirdos and stalkers, so you want to avoid being pushy.  You want to put the power in her hands.

Next week, I will let you know what it’s really like to fuck a stripper.   You’re welcome, you lucky bastards.