Posts Tagged ‘cock’

HOW TO: Talk Dirty

Posted: 03/01/2011 by Singlefied in How To, Sex
Tags: , , , ,


 
As we established before, the Sex Soundtrack is essential to the overall sexual experience.  Without noises, it’s nothing but a boring movie that will leave her dry and you flaccid.  Some of you are daring enough to try a little dirty talk beyond the moans, groans, whispered “shit” and “fuck.”  But before you get overly ambitious with your creative concoctions of dirty words learned from porn, I have some bad news for you.  Most of you are doing it wrong.  My girlfriend Tracey was fucking a guy who repeatedly asked, “You like riding my cock with your little pussy?”  The first time was hot, but by 10th time of the EXACT SAME question, she blurted out “Shut the fuck up!”  To perfect your dirty talk technique, follow these 3 simple rules:

1) Commit.  If you’re going to talk dirty in bed, commit to the idea.  Don’t get shy and stop half way.

2) build iT UP.  Like any good story, you start small and end with a bang.  Ease her in with a splash of dutty (“I love sucking on your tits”) and end with down right nasty (“Rub your pussy juice all over me”).

3) Enunciate.  Besides getting a broken penis from reverse cowgirl, there’s probably nothing worse than miscommunication in the heat of the moment.  My friend Lacey thought this guy said, “I want to stick it in a burrito,” when he was really saying, “I want to stick it in your pussy hole.”  They had a good laugh about it, but he never got to stick it where he wanted it.  How sad.

And just for upkeep, you should always be expanding your sex talk vocabulary.  The more variety you throw into the experience, the more memorable you’ll be.

 



Snow sculptures in the shape of penises have created an uproar in Lafayette, Indiana.  The neighbors are not happy to see male genitalia, especially Ms. (Va)Ghina Robinson.

Along the same lines, no girl really likes seeing your penis.  We like the way it feels, but aesthetically, it’s not a masterpiece.  I know girls who are actually afraid of seeing penises and can only have sex in the dark.  I wonder, though, if our general “dislike” of cocks is because the lack of them in the media.  In porn (even porn for women), the penis takes a backstage to the vagina.  In movies, we see a gazillion boobs but I’m still curious what mini Brad Pitt looks like.

So what I’ve learned from this video is that we need to show more penises.  The end.