Archive for the ‘Sex Stories’ Category

Written By: Dick Lambert

Heather was a beautiful auburn hair, dark eyes, athletic type with all the prerequisite curves. My friend who served in the Navy with her introduced us when she was on leave.  He had a crush on her but was never able to seal the deal. She was also tough as nails as she was an arc welder. Heather was an outrageous flirt. Soon though we would all learn that Heather was all sailor and we were all just ships for her to jump from one to the other.

Heather and I fucked around in my dorm room often. I did notice even when my friend had introduced her to me that she was a flirt and she continued to be around any guy friends I introduced her to. Things were going pretty well until one day when I saw her on campus with one of my friends I had introduced her to. This lone ship passed the USS Heather and in tow the USS My Friend Who Could Just Shrug at Me. I was a little wounded. We weren’t exclusive and I couldn’t really blame my friend or Heather for that matter either.

A few days passed and any prideful wounds were quickly healed up when Heather came by to visit seemingly just to blow me. There was teeth involved and it was pretty rough, but enjoyable. I was feeling pretty good one day until I walked into our bathroom to take a piss. I immediately heard her moaning in our bathroom shower during a dorm party. Our bathroom served me and my roommate and our adjoining two roommates on the other side of the bathroom.

There was ice all over the floor, and our beer balls strewn about the bathroom floor as we usually packed our shower with ice and beer for the party. There was Heather in the shower with my other roommate. He had her bent over with her arms against the wall, suds and water everywhere. She saw me and smiled and said to me in her husky sexy voice “fuck me.” Threesome in the shower. I got another great wet blow job where my roommates thrusts were what was moving her mouth back and forth on my dick. We both came at the same time and yes, in a moment of sheer locker room joy, high-fived each other.

We learned later on that Heather had worked her way throughout our dorm room floor onto the the next one. We figured that out when we all met accidentally at the local clinic to get checked out just to be sure. She did return after another leave and once again it was Fleet Week on campus.  All ahoy the USS Heather!

GRENADE!

Written By: Dick Lambert

Grenade- The solitary ugly girl always found with a group of hotties.  If the grenade doesn’t get any action, then neither does anyone else.

I am a good wingman. I have the grenade scars in my memory to prove it. The most recent grenade I took was for my best friend who wasn’t having much luck with the ladies of late. We were in the Poconos two years ago during the winter and met up with two women. Stephanie was bleach blond, athletic all around, yummy little snow bunny in a sweet tight package. Martha was the grenade. My best friend of course wanted Stephanie which meant I had to take one for the team. And take one for the team I did.. I had built my friend up and even fed him some clever banter to help him ease onto Stephanie’s plentiful slopes.

Once they retired to her room I was left with Martha by the fireplace. Martha was your typical winter grenade. A real walrus dressed up in a big tent of a parka that once unzipped, an avalanche of fleshy bits literally rolled out in a cascade of pale blubbery untouched fat. All that pale flesh reflecting the roaring fire made for a horrific Nature Channel documentary. I went in like a frenzied polar bear just kissing and biting any flab I could sink my teeth into. I played my part and even roared a few times to let Martha know I was into it. I held back the wine churning in my stomach when I landed upon a forgotten roll of fat that had not seen soap in ages.

The worst of it was Martha had gotten around probably by playing the grenade all her life. I was fingering her, trying to get her off as quickly as I could. My techniques though weren’t working. The problem was her gut wasn’t allowing me the proper angle of penetration. She was becoming more frustrated. I was three fingers deep into her with room to spare.

This quickly escalated into a a vigorous fisting for my survival. I didn’t want to go down on her and be trapped for a lifetime between the chubbiest thighs I had ever seen. I was fast and furious with my fist pumping. Thankfully it was working and she was getting very wet and very sweaty. Just as I was relieved she pushed me down and mounted me anyway. The combination of the fireplace, the sex, her weight, and all encompassing flesh was really overheating me. I grinned through it and rifled through my porn bank as fast as I could. The combination of wine, walrus, and heat was too much even for me, and I ended up passing out at some point. I try not to think about what happened to me when I was out. Let’s just say that Martha stalked me for a good solid six months, and my friend dated Stephanie for three months after that. That bastard still owes me a beer.

After you hook up with a girl, don’t you wish you could secretly hear how she talks about you to her friends?  Lucky you because I’m about to give you an excerpt from a real conversation:

Julia: So…how was your date last night with Blake?

Diane: Oh it was nice, we met up at this bar downtown and we just caught up on his trip to Aspen.  Then we had sex.

Julia: Yeaaaah? Was it good?

Diane: It was fun, I mean, he’s biiiig.

Julia: Oh shit, like how big?

Diane: Like, I can jack him off with two hands and there’s still plenty of room left for a third hand, or my mouth.  But I didn’t blow him because he’s huge and my jaw was tired from all the talking we did earlier, and I chowed down a big salad.  Hahaha.

Julia: So, he was good?

Diane: I mean, the man has a beautiful penis…when erect.  But he couldn’t stay up the whole time, especially when he was in me.  And so it just became this big floppy sausage swimming in and out of me to the point where it was just chafing my clit instead of stimulating it.  I had to stop it and tell him I was tired.  Went home and watched Youporn instead.

Julia: OMG, what a waste of a big penis.  Sounds familiar though.  I had tree stump penis last weekend.  Remember Scott, my sister’s friend?  Not that he went soft, but he just didn’t know what the fuck to do with it.  All he knew was the porn thrust – you know when you go in-and-out really fast like a fucking dog in heat?  It hurt!  I just wanted him to slow down and take his time penetrating me, but he was fucking like it was a video game.  Like the faster he humped, the more points he’d get or something.  And it’s not like I don’t like rough sex, but I need variety in speed AND positions!

Diane: Ewww, and that’s when you just flip over and sit on his face.  At least his tongue can’t be as violent.

Julia: Um…that’s exactly what I did.  That was a waste of a tree stump.  I miss Magic Dick Danny.

Diane: MAGIC DICK DANNY!  The little engine that could.  He was how small again?

Julia: Well, one-hand-jerk-off without any wiggle room.   So I guess it was more like the one-hand-twist.  But that man knew how to put me in all the right positions to hit my G-spot.  He just knew how to use it and was able to get deep penetration.  I never had to sit on his face.

Diane: He had a magic stick.  I still haven’t found mine.  Did I tell you about the Olympic dick I hooked up with a month ago?

Julia: Olympic dick?

Diane: This guy’s dick was so fucking big and hard that it could probably lift weights.  It was like an Olympic athlete, I was scared out of my mind.  We were hooking up and all of a sudden I feel this hard, fist-like creature poking into my inner thigh.  This thing was so huge that I think it could have gone right through me.  I couldn’t do it girl, I just couldn’t bring myself to ride that beast.  I think it would’ve been the closest pain to child birth.  My arm was tired from jacking it off and I don’t think my mouth could physically open that wide, so I didn’t bother with that either.

Julia: Good call, your teeth would’ve definitely scraped him.

Diane: And I would’ve choked and died.  So I told him I just wanted to cuddle, and he asked if I was a virgin.

Julia: You know what you need?  A grow-er, not a show-er.  So they start off small and sweet, and then they get all big and aggressive while inside you.

Diane: BAM!  Let’s go find me a grow-er.

Julia: Done and done.

_________________________________________________________

I don’t know if it was Ricki Lake who coined the phrase, “It’s not the size of the ocean, it’s the motion of the ocean” on her talk show in the late 90’s, but that’s the moral of the story here.  You could have the best tool in the toolbox, but if you don’t know how to use it, it’s a waste.  There are many ways of stimulating a girl in bed, and the size of your cock takes a backseat to staying hard, manhandling, foreplay, oral sex and dirty talk.

Written by: Dick Lambert

April showers bring May flowers but this time her name was Brook. Brook was a petite woman about five feet four inches on a tall day. You know and enjoy the type that just begs to be thrown around the room as you both break furniture during your lusty couplings. The first time I was with Brook I was in for a surprise. I was held fast between her two curvaceous thighs putting in my time eating her out.

Now, when I’m with a woman for the first time I like to pull out one and only one Dick Bag of Tricks. Brook was into me going down on her as she rarely let me up for air. My face was was being smothered against her wet mound. I had to regain some control so I started focusing more on her exposed clit while fingering her. My head was hovering over her while my tongue lapped away like a greedy kitty at a saucer of milk. Meanwhile, my finger was deep inside her entering more towards the top and angled back down. I am amazed that woman say most guys can not keep a rhythm while doing two things at once. Practice! I really got into a smooth rhythm and her gasping was a good indication that I was doing what she wanted. Early warning sign that I should have picked up on was how wet she was getting before I pulled out from my bag of “dickly” tricks. The sheets were getting pretty soaked. Finally, I could tell she was about to climax as she held my head above her clit telling me not to stop in a sexy panting voice that just egged me on further. My finger, still inside her moving back and forth but struggling to stay inside as it’s like a slip and slide. She cums and I feel the pressure build up in an instance as her muscles tense everywhere and release. Keep in mind she is holding my head down as a stream of warm liquid wetness goes up my arched finger right into my mouth and face!  I am soaked and the bed sheets are soaked through.  She holds me fast until she is done and then collapses deeper into the mattress. I am awestruck for a moment as I gasp for breath and futilely wipe my drenched face. She smiles and we both say that was fantastic. Well, it turns out Brook is a squirter able to get so wet and build up such pressure she actually squirts a stream of orgasmic joy. I don’t think it surprises you to know that Brook ended up being my first wife!

Written By: Dick Lambert

Diane was a surprising woman. I met her in the back seat of a mutual friends car while we were on the way to a street fair. The topic of conversation lead to sex as it always should when you are the only guy in a car of three females. Pauline and Tammy were teasing Diane to tell me about her special power. I was mighty intrigued and pleaded with Diane to tell me. Diane didn’t need much coaxing as she said to me, “Let me show you instead” as she deftly took off her top and bra in the car. She had small but firm breasts that were defying gravity as she was pretty young. They were like two perfect scoops of vanilla ice cream with the most obnoxious pencil eraser topped nipples I had ever seen. I was looking rather close because it looked like maybe her lusty nipples were pierced at one time. Tammy yelled out do it. Diane squeezed her breasts as I was coming in for closer inspection, then suddenly a white liquid squirted me in the face.  It was breast milk!

I did what countless men before me had done at a much younger age and went to latch right on to the closest nipple. Diane was briefly taken aback by it and playfully told me to stop and proceeded to squirt me in the face again with her double barrel calcium level uppers.  Pauline yelled to stop as Diane was getting it all over the back seat of the car. Diane asked why I didn’t turn away. I explained to her it was natural and delicious. Especially when the tits presented to me were so firm looking and delicious as well.

We flirted throughout the street fair and eventually ended up back in Pauline’s car to fool around in the back seat. I lavished Diane’s magical nipples with a never ending cascade of licks, bits, and sucking. She was happy for the relief as I lapped up her warm boob cocktail. I certainly was hard at work making a milk mustache. Finally, she returned the favor and showed me she had other talents as her mouth milked my cock dry in what was one of the more quicker and intense orgasms I had ever had. She swallowed all of it greedily. She then instructed me to get hard again by tit fucking her with, surprise surprise, her milk acting as a warm lubricant. This was a novel sensation and in no time I was hard again and fucked her in the uncomfortable backseat of Pauline’s car.

We met up with Tammy and Pauline near the food vendors. Pauline took one look at us and said ” You are both assholes. Take my car, get it washed inside and out and return it to me tomorrow. I hate you both.” We did as we were instructed and had another romp before I was in bed after enjoying some warm milk and Diane’s cookie. I slept like a baby that night!

The strange thing was, Diane was not breast feeding and had never had a child.  An unsolved mystery I’m still trying to figure out.