Archive for the ‘Oral Sex’ Category

A Note on Oral Sex

Posted: 12/21/2010 by Singlefied in Oral Sex, Sex
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I don’t know what I was smoking when I wrote Good Vibrations…Down Under.  EVERYBODY likes oral sex.  So I must clarify that some people do not like it because they’ve never experienced someone who knew what they were doing.  C’mon, you’ve had that girl who used too much teeth.  Similarly, we’ve all had that guy who was a little too much dog and not enough human.  For girls, when oral sex is bad, it’s baaaad.  And I will put the blame on us, because we don’t tell you when you’re bad.  We still thrust and moan, which gives you affirmation that you’re doing a good job.  Then you’re going to use the same retarded technique on the next girl.

From today, let’s make a pact.  You study up on your oral sex skills.  Porn is a good start.  “Sit on my face” never fails.  I, on the other hand, will encourage girls to help you perfect your technique by guiding you with our hips and hands, or verbal commands.  I will also advise girls to get dick sucking tips from the gays.  Deal?  Deal.

Good Vibrations…Down Under

Posted: 12/12/2010 by Singlefied in Oral Sex, Sex
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Why do girls like vibrators?  Because they vibrate.  Vibrations feel good down there.  Next time you visit vajayjayland, try moaning or humming.  It’ll drive her insane.

And while we’re on the topic, can I just dispel the myth that EVERY girl likes it when you go down on her?  It’s simply not true.  I know plenty of girls who are really not into it and even if they go down on you, they’d rather you not reciprocate.  So, how would you ever know?  Talk about it.  Ask.  Know what she enjoys from the get-go so you can maybe save your tongue for other parts of her body.