The “Anti-Cliché” Cliché Guys (Part I)

Posted: 05/04/2011 by Singlefied in Dating
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever met someone who is so afraid of becoming a cliché stereotype that they do everything opposite of what society thinks they should do, in turn, becoming another cliché?  That person is the “Anti-Cliché’ Cliché, and us girls have come across quite a few of them in our dating journey.  Have we dated you?

a) THE ATHLETIC NERD

You can play Halo, CoD and WoW…at the same time.  You were on your high school robotics team and dude, you were national champs!  Inventing a robot to jerk off for you was the best idea ever, put a whole new twist to “the stranger.”  Then you got accepted to MIT and thought showers in computer labs were the best things since being exempt from PE for going to Math Camp…until…you met girls.  Real. Live. Girls.  Then you realized girls liked guys who played sports.  So you decided to try sports.  You were too short for basketball.  Football was too rough.  Badminton was too nerdy, even for you.  So you settled on rock climbing.  Now you’re officially an athlete, ’cause you go to a climbing gym once (sometimes twice!) a week.  You’re hardcore about building your muscles.  This is your sport and this is how you’ll pick up chicks.

Why we will date you:

You got the quirky thing going for you and you will introduce us to a new sport.

Why we’ll stop dating you:

We realize quirky = nerdy.  ‘Cause have you seen the guys who indoor rock climb?  You were a lot cooler when you talked about robots and not your contrived workout routine.

b) THE WHITE ETHNIC GUY

You love grilling and eating outdoors.  You love high-fiving all your friends and calling them “bro.”  Most of your wardrobe used to be Abercrombie but now you’re graduating to Brooks Brothers.  You celebrate St. Patty’s Day like it’s Christmas.  And oh, speaking of Christmas, everyone loves your annual “Ugly Sweater” party!  All your friends are white and that’s the way you like it. Actually, you’re whiter than your white friends.  But dude, weren’t you born in India?  Sure, you didn’t want to do what every other Indian did by being a doctor, so you went into something more cool, like banking.

Why we’ll date you:

You are frat-tastic and your friends are a hoot!

Why we’ll stop dating you:

Your name isn’t really Tom, it’s Mukesh.  And you talk shit about your own kind.  You take too much pride in parading your friends around when all we really want to know is about you, and your upbringing.

c) THE ETHNIC WHITE GUY

You went to China…15 times…in the last year.  You speak better Mandarin than your dry cleaner.  You love showing off your apartment because it’s Feng Shui‘d out.  And yes, you’ve already discussed your preference for the Tang Dynasty over the Han Dynasty, but sure, tell it to me again.  Your last girlfriend was a fob but you prefer the term “authentic.”  All your friends are Asian because you feel a better connection, or “qi,” with them.  Sometimes you forget that you were born in Sheridan, Wyoming and went to Arizona State; but you swear the moment you met Cao Ying when you taught English in Beijing, you knew you felt “at home.”

Why we’ll date you:

You seem cultured, refined and knowledgeable about wordly things.

Why we’ll stop dating you:

You just have yellow fever.  Or jungle fever.  Or anything-but-white-fever.

d) THE POOR RICH BOY

You grew up in Connecticut and went to private school.  Deciding between Princeton and Yale was a tough call because mommy went to Princeton and daddy went to Yale.  You decided on Brown because it’s Need-Blind and Gramps went there.  There’s some sort of family business, you’re not too sure what it is, but you are sure you’ll be inheriting millions.  You think, “what’s a ‘trust fund baby’? Doesn’t everyone have a trust fund?!”  Money to you does grow trees but your family neglected you.  They thought they could buy your love but now you realize why you’re so emotionally fucked up.  As a big FU to the family crest, you decide you’re going to be a starving musician.  Or artist (using your iPad2 of course).  Because you need to find a soul.  You might even start wearing tight jeans and shop at, gawd forbid, American Apparel.  Muffy would flip over your nouveau hipster look!  And then to add to it, you’re going to live with “soulful” roommates like a spoken word poet, a human rights activist, and an aspiring mime (or crack head, you’re not too sure yet).  You’re anti establishments, corporations, and The Man!  But yeah, that trust fund does come in handy, especially since you’re against working.  Period.

Why we’ll date you:

You’re our project.  We want to fix you, protect you, and help you “find yourself.”

Why we’ll stop dating you:

You’re truly fucked up beyond words and your cold upbringing was not our fault.  You’ll never work hard to keep a girl because you’ve never had to work hard for anything in your life.  Even if you’re “starving,” your trust fund has hardly a dent and that family business can always be your back-up plan.

Next week?  The “Anti-Cliché” Cliché girls you should avoid.

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Comments
  1. henry says:

    the moral of the story? spend too much time worrying about cliches and you end up being totally disingenuous. really though, generalizing like you are, you could call anyone a cliche. yeah, i might be overthinking this for a dating blog post, but whatever its late and I can’t sleep

    • Singlefied says:

      You’re totally right, we’re all walking cliches. So we should all stop worrying trying to be different, and just be…

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