It’s the perfect scenario (based on a true story): You’re hanging out with your group of friends one day like the norm, and you get a lil’ wasted. You’re horny, for the 85th time tonight, but too lazy to make a move with the random at the bar. ‘Cause then you’d have to talk to her, buy her a drink, ask her her name, actually remember her name…blah blah blah. Too much work. But shit, you’ve got needs and it’s been a while. Suddenly, you look across to see your buddy Steph. You’ve always thought she was cute but damn, tonight she looks hot. You think, “What did she do differently? Did she wear a push up bra? Her skin looks good. Oh snap, didn’t even notice she’s wearing a skirt. That’s a hot skirt. Like a librarian. Or school girl.” Then…your eyes meet. [Cue slow mo and wind-blown hair]. Steph not only looks hot, she’s also in heat.
Your friends start trickling out but a voice inside your head keeps saying, “One more drink.” Steph sticks around too. And before you know it, you’re the last two standing. Your dynamic feels different, more flirty and touchy. Now it’s getting late and you live so far away. But Steph? She lives down the block. You offer to walk her home, and she asks you to come up for “tea.”
Several “teabags” later, you wake up the next morning and you both realize how awesome this is. You’re both friends, who love to fuck. And now, you can fuck each other. Whenever. No. Strings. Attached.
But is it?
Friends with benefits always start great, but they never end great. Here’s a look into Steph’s mind as this scenario progresses:
“OMG, I just had sex with my friend who I’ve always been attracted to, but never thought we’d be here. In my bed.”
“I feel empowered that I can have ‘no strings attached’ sex with a man and not get all attached and emotional on him.”
“He’s like my boy toy, I just called him at 4am and he came right over. This is perfect!”
“It would be nice if he stuck around the next morning, but whatever, no strings attached.”
“It’s weird that he doesn’t wanna take me out on at least one date. I mean, I’m pretty, fun and awesome in bed. Why doesn’t he want to pursue this a little more?”
“I just texted him to come over and he tells me he’s busy. Who is he busy with? Now I feel a little shitty.”
“If he doesn’t respect me and take me seriously, I am going to show him I am not some hussy he can call up whenever he wants. I’m going to reject him next time.”
“He’s no longer my boy toy, he’s my project. I’m not sure how I feel about him but I’m going to make sure he likes me.”
“Ok, he’s so not falling for it. What a dick. I’m going to warn all my girlfriends about him. And besides, the sex wasn’t that great anyway.”
See, having a friends-with-benefits relationship plays into our biggest insecurity: having sex with someone who doesn’t want to be with us. It sounds really empowering at first, but in the end, we cannot separate our heart from our cooch. Feelings are eventually developed, and if not reciprocated, resentment ensues. And after that, good luck trying to hook up with any of her hot friends. EPIC FAIL.