Female Sadists and Male Masochists: The Way it Should Be?

Posted: 03/25/2011 by Singlefied in Dating, Sex
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Last weekend, my hot leggy friend Bethenny asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with her and her girlfriends.  Her text to me was, “We have a driver and dinner will be free.”  Fully intrigued, I agreed to tag along.  As I waited on the curb, a nice SUV pulled up with a group of attractive girls, like in any good rap video.  The driver was a quiet, older gentlemen (probably in his 50’s).  On our way to the restaurant, Bethenny would speak to the driver in a tone that was very unlike her – she was mean and bossy.  The driver, on the other hand, was not fazed by Bethenny’s commands, and even seemed to be encouraged by her irritated tone.  What the fuck was going on?!

We pulled up to the restaurant and the driver asked Bethenny if he gave us enough money for dinner.  She replied, “If we don’t have enough, I’ll get more from you.”  So…this guy’s not just a driver.  He dropped us off and pulled into a parking space; I waited for him to join us.  I was wrong.  The dude waited in his car while we dined for the next 3 hours.

Turns out, he is Bethenny’s “client.”  He pays her to boss him around and make him do things, such as clean her apartment, drive her around the city, take her shopping.  He also occasionally asks for her to step on him, in stilettos.   The man, a former football coach, apparently went through something traumatic in his early adult life where he now feels indebted to women.  He devotes his time and money to his master, Bethenny.  He even put her in his will.

Like you, I question if there is something sexual (although Bethenny has never done anything remotely sexual with him).  You know, there has to be.  I’ve known many dominatrices (did you know that’s plural for dominatrix?  I had to google it), especially when I lived in the Bay Area.  Some of the most high-powered CEO’s in Silicon Valley would boss people around during the day and hire this woman Ally to boss them around at night.  And it wasn’t just verbal commands, it was spanking, yanking, pulling, tugging, whipping, hitting, cutting, thrashing, and bullying.  One of Ally’s most popular services was pissing or pooping…on them.  And for the golden shower rookies, they would lie beneath a clear coffee table while she’d do her thing on top of it.  Believe it or not, sex was never involved.

In the case of Bethenny’s football-coach client and the Bill Gates of Silicon Valley, it almost makes sense.  They devote their days to telling other people what to do and in their domestic life, they just want to be told what to do.  But then I wonder, why is there not a female equivalent.  Meaning, why is it that the more powerful a woman is in her work life, the more bossy she is in her domestic life?  You’ll rarely hear of a woman who is some hot shot bossy boss by day and lets her husband micromanage her at home.  And furthermore, why is there no such thing as a male dominatrix (as a hired profession, not a fetish such as male doms and sadists)?  Are women inherently able to be powerful in all aspects of life when men are only able to act in such a way in their profession?  Do men deep down just want to be bossed around by women, and actually get off on it?  Does a couple work better when the woman wears the pants?  Are men unable to hit/beat women even if she wanted it, because of social norms?  Why is it when a guy beats a girl, he’s Chris Brown, and if a girl beats a guy, it’s assumed self defense?

Lastly, would you get off on a girl stepping on you in stilettos?  ‘Cause I have a closet full…

Happy weekend everyone!

  1. I love this post! I hope you guys enjoyed your dinner!

  2. Singlefied says:

    My friend forwarded me this anonymous comment, thought I’d share:
    There are plenty of male doms. I am one. Have never pursued it for monetary reasons, but I would think it is probably a matter of supply and demand. I don’t think there are a lot of woman who would be willing to pay for the services of a dom. And woman tend to have a lot less discretionary income. Also, I think most submissive woman need to feel very trusting of a dom so most relationships build over time. All of my dom/sub relationships have lasted several years. I am sure there are probably so doms who service the gay population, and you might find a couple in the NYC area who service woman, but they probably work for an agency or in tandem with a female.

    • Anthony says:

      I’m a male in his late 30’s who’s known since probably ages 10-12 or so that he liked women being physically and verbally abusive. But it wasn’t until I was 16 and read an article in the Playboy Advisor about foot fetishes (I have a shoe/sock fetish for women, not into barefeet) that I realized I wasn’t completely alone in my strange fantasies.

      I was fortunate to marry a woman who enjoys being sadistic and we complement one another nicely. But we don’t fit into the typical viewpoint that society has on BDSM (i.e. we aren’t into whips, leather, chains, cuffs, latex, dom/sub lifestyle, prefer flat shoes over high heels. etc)

      We are pure masochist/sadist, with no dom/sub in the mix. She is not my master/mistress and I am not a slave or submissive. In all actuality, I’m the dominant one in the relationship, and while we roleplay me in a role that could be considered somewhat subservient, she as the sadist is providing me pleasure based on what I enjoy, so in a way she is serving me. But she is also deriving pleasure herself.

  3. Datingisms says:

    […] is there no such thing as a male dominatrix (as a hired profession)? LikeBe the first to like this post.▶ No Responses /* 0) { […]

  4. lynette says:

    I think it’s not that men wants to be debased deep down so there are not many male dominants. in my opinion it’s because most men are protective of women in nature.

  5. Control says:

    Interesting theory. Most powerful rich men are very weak individuals. They have are pampered by money. It makes them weak. I always dominate my submissives. i have friends that allow their girlfriends or wives to spank them etc. It makes me sick. I give the punishment. Its not in my nature to bend over and offer my hide. So not all men are naturally submissive. Real men still exist.

  6. Riku says:

    I think any man with a reasonable self esteem wants deep down just want to be bossed around by women, and actually get off on it. And I think that a couple works better when the woman wears the pants.

    • Luke says:

      Riku…you are kidding, right ? If you think most “men with reasonable self esteem ” want to be “bossed by women” I suggest you get a psychological appraisal. I can’t think of anything worse than being “bossed” by a woman. A real man doesn’t allow anyone to boss him around. You’ve obviously never heard the expression “be your own man ” ? If he does allow himself to be bossed around, he’s not a man…he’s a boy.

      • Nick says:

        Masculinity is so fragile. Why do you feel the need to defend it so viciously?

      • Luke says:

        Wrong, Nick. Masculinity is not fragile. Rather than focus on my “need” to correct an injustice why don’t you you look at it from another angle…here’s a thought..ask yourself what makes a woman want to dominate a man in a very power-focused way. If a woman feels the need to dominate in this way it speaks volumes about her underlying insecurity, and need to project power. Can you imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was the man dominating and subjecting the woman to a degrading power imbalance ? You would hear every feminist in a 100-mile radius screeching “Misogyny ! Misogyny !” Open your eyes, friend. You’ve obviously been sucked in by politically-correct, hypocritical mainstream behaviour.

  7. Franky says:

    Sorry Luke, but the girls on here are very much so correct. My wife and I have an extremly funtional D/s relationship and she wears the pants. I have great self esteem. I have a wife, two kids, a high paying job, a nice house etc etc. My wife still cares for me obviously, she is just more dominant. This is an incredibly grey area though. If I do recall, Gorian society states that males are natrually more dominant, but females can be. Many cultures state that males are naturally more dominant too. Although, in all these cultures, females are more dominant and inherintly more evil and sadistic. Males are just aggressive, brutes is the way to say it. Females are more of the vampire. They are far more cunning in tactics, MUCH more evil, higher desire for blood, and like to toy with their prey. Those are just some adjectives for you to help. The only reason males are “percieved” to be dominant is due to their aggressivness. Females, like a vampire, can hide their inner evil. My wife does not AT ALL seem to be dominant on the outside. She is five-foot-four, blonde hair, and weighs 132 lbs. Her favorite color is pink and wears it all the time. She is also very girly and perky. The last thing you expect her to be snaping is a whip. You see what I am getting at? The reason my point may seem conveluted is because the subject is conveluted. Let me simplify this now. Females, are naturally dominant and evil, while males are naturally aggressive and brute. Thus making males a working force and a protective force, while females are the masters and string pullers. So there you have it, on the whole, females are more dominant, except it. Honestly it is not bad, it does not mean you are “less of a man” infact, if you offer a girl more power you are likely to get more girls if you think like that. Im far from being a playa but I can say that I am educated on female pyscology since in my graduate days at George Town, I took a Graduate level Female Behavior as an lective and, to make this more powerful, the teacher was a female to. Believe what you want but I believe I am done here.

  8. Ace says:

    I think that guy masochists out number female masochists so the males that would try to get a career has to be gay.There is also that women have a social brain so things like money, and negotiations are easier giving them to seem more manipulative than they want to be. They are also ones that hold grudges and creativity this mixed with a need to control makes a sadist. In a way sadists all are trying to get back for anger they hold. Sometimes submissiveness is stemmed from guilt. After all masochists want that guilt gone. There are some that have to have girls that wear pants. It’s not a matter of pride it’s more of responsibility and deep psychological connection. This girls bossing around is all human nature of mothers. Sorry to pull a Fruid(sp) here but the Oedipus complex kinda drives men to look for women who are like the mother bossy. Now I’m a female and I can’t stand being bossed around but my brother is so bad with money thats what he is marrying this woman for. He can’t keep his money straight. He paid on his credit card for a coffee. She is handling his money for him. Yes in Japan the females more more dominant as shown by the sun goddess. In S&M it’s all about trust. I think each sex style means something in the relationship. To do S&M somone has to put away the pride they have if they have any at all. Course I take it to the extreames. when I’m in the bedroom I make it so you can’t touch me. This makes the trust factor that much more important. However the sadist has to trust themselves that they will not go too far. How do you like my answer?

  9. viagra says:

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