HOW TO: Spot a Girl w/ Too Much Makeup (Hot at night, ugly by morning)

Besides being a dating coach, I also work in the entertainment industry.  Over the years, I’ve seen plain Janes come on set sans makeup and magically transformed into drool-worthy hotties after being in the makeup chair.  Sometimes the transformation would be so drastic, I wouldn’t be able to recognize the chick.  Girls can do a lot when it comes to hiding and enhancing.  Clothes, hair, makeup, underwear, shoes…everything marketed towards females either hides and/or enhances.  You dudes don’t have the “tools” that we have, which is probably why we place so much emphasis on your personality.  Shit, you guys embody “what you see is what you get.”

Recently, I’ve had a lot of guy friends complain about the girls they’ve hooked up.  Apparently, they’ve all been on this losing streak of fucking “hotugly” girls.  You know, you meet her at night in filtered lighting.  Everything about her is super hot and you’re excited to take her home.  Then you wake up the next day and realize the bitch is down right nasty.  You wonder what happened.  Somehow, in natural daylight with her makeup smeared, she looks like a completely different person.  Good thing you have the Magic Alarm Clock to get rid of this hotugly.

To prevent this from happening to you, here are some ways to tell if a girl may be wearing too much makeup (or may just look really different without makeup:

• DARK EYE MAKEUP. This is the area girls like to concentrate on the most, so if you see thick eyeliner, piled-on mascara, dark eyeshadow, and shimmery shit, you can pretty much bet that this girl will look different without eye makeup.  This is especially true for girls with naturally light features, like natural redheads and blonds.
• MISMATCHED SKIN COLOR. Girls with bad skin like to hide their imperfections with lots of foundation.  It’s hard to find an exact skin color match so you can tell when a girl wears too much of it if her face doesn’t match the color of her hands, or neck.  This can be very subtle, but if you look for it, you can spot the color discrepancy.
• CHECK UNDER HER NAILS. We constantly touch our faces, whether to scratch an itch, brush hair out of face, or as a mannerism.  If a girl wears too much makeup, she’s bound to catch it under her nails.  If you see gobs of orange/tan colored shit under hair nails, she fo’ sho’ painted on her face.
• TAKE THE FACE MEMORY TEST. After talking to her and examining her face, close your eyes and try to picture her face from memory.  If you see actual feature details, you have a good idea of what she looks like.  But if all see are outlines and colors, chances are, her makeup is overpowering her face.

There you go, grasshopper.  Now go find a chick who’s consistently hot (or ugly, whatever floats your boat).