“The Chase” Theme Park?

Posted: 01/12/2011 by Singlefied in Dating, Online Dating
Tags: , , ,

My friends wouldn’t believe me when I told them about an adventure park in Mexico that simulates an illegal border crossing.  Well kids, it is a true story.  Parque EcoAlberto, near El Alberto, offers a 3 hour trek where people are put in a simulated border crossing obstacle course, complete with fences, ravines, ditches, rivers and even gunshots!  The trail ends with participants being taken away by U.S. border-patrol trucks.  All that for $20!  Sweet.

Then I thought, wouldn’t it be a good idea to create a similar park that simulates what it’s like to be a single woman dating?  The park would only be open to men.  When you walk through the trek, you will experience:

– A construction site where construction workers and homeless men will whistle at you shamelessly, sprinkled with a few lines of “Nice ass” and “Marry Me.”  Then when you ignore them, you’ll be showered with “Your ass is flat anyway” and “You don’t speak English?”

– Construction site will transform into a club where drunken men will be handing you endless drinks.  While you get drunk (and think this is awesome), they will hump on you vigorously on the dance floor until you feel their boner poking at your thigh.  That’s when you can bitch slap them.  Then one of them will bring up one of your biggest insecurities (“Bitch, nice muffin top” or “I hear butterfaces are in this season”).  You begin to cry.

– Before you know it, the club turns into an online dating site.  Multiple men are winking and poking at you; you get cocky.  So, you take your time weeding out the creepy ones and finally narrow it down to the seemingly nice ones.  Just as you’re about to wink back, your friend steps into the room.  “Squirrel!”  The men then all flock to the new “gal” with winks and pokes.

– The trek ends with you being greeted by 10 cats.  You feel safe and happy.  Then you start knitting individual kitten socks.

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