HOW TO: Spot a Girl with Bedbugs

Posted: 12/30/2010 by Singlefied in Dating, How To
Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s bad enough that we have to screen for STDs, now we have to mix bedbugs into the dating equation.  Thankfully, there are some signs of bedbugs that you should pay attention to:

  1. Ask.  Just as if you would ask someone if they have STDs (I hope you all do), you have every right to ask a girl if she has bedbugs.  Of course, there are more tactful ways than asking, “Hey, you got bed bugs?”  Bring it up in conversation since it’s already a hot topic.  Maybe tell a story about you heard about a friend having bedbugs.  Then ask if she’s heard any stories or have experience with the critters.
  2. Scan her skin for a rash and red blotches.  Most of the bites will appear on the more visible skin, such as arms, neck and face.  There will also be multiple bites gathered in one area.
  3. Visit the Bedbug Registry.  No, this is not a link to Macy’s where you’ll buy presents for bedbugs.  It’s a website that lists all the infected addresses.  So, offer to pick her up for the date, that way, she’ll have to give you her address.
  4. Check out her apartment.  If you’re lucky enough get an invite over, take some time to look for bedbug feces (black and brown), shedded skin and blood smears.  These clues can usually be found in the mattress crevices, corners of sheets, notches in bed frame, under carpets, electrical outlets, and ceiling corners.  Basically anywhere with a dark crevice.
  5. Get the fuck out.  If you spot any of the above, leave as soon as you can.  Trust me, no amount of Jessica Alba hotness would be worth the pain of bedbugs.
  6. Wash your clothes.  Just by being in a place with bedbugs, you could be at risk.  They could’ve fallen on you from the ceiling or crawled on you from the sofa.  Just to be safe, thoroughly wash and dry your clothes.
  7. Don’t try to date her roommate.  You know the drill.
  1. Datingisms says:

    […] bad enough that we have to screen for STDs, now we have to mix bedbugs into the dating equation.   LikeBe the first to like this […]

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