After spending more than 7 months scoping out the dating scene in the fastest developing city in the world, I am now excited to expand Singlefied internationally. Meanwhile, The Beijinger, the biggest publication for foreigners and expats living in Beijing, did a nice feature on yours truly. Page 54.
Posts Tagged ‘miss singlefied’
Tags: miss singlefied, singlefiedyue, The Beijinger August Issue, yue xu dating coach
Tags: dating advice for men, dating tips, defending her, handling rejection, miss singlefied, reading women, singlefiedyue, what does she really mean, yue xu dating coach
Buddy: “Yo, what happened with the girl you met on Saturday?”
You: “I got her number. Texted her on Tuesday.”
Buddy: “Nice. And?”
You: “Nah. I mean it’s only been three days. I know she’s really busy with work. She works at Google, and you know working there can be a bitch.”
Buddy: “What did you text her?”
You: “I wrote…’Hey, it’s Derek, we met on Sat. Wanna grab drinks Thursday after work?’”
Buddy: “As in yesterday?”
You: “Yeah, but it’s cool because I know she takes yoga pretty often, so I’m sure she was occupied with that yesterday.”
Buddy: “Right, ’cause it’s hard to type out a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you’re in down doggie style.”
You: “I believe it’s ‘down dog.’ Thanks. And shit, she might be out of town for work, I know she travels a lot for her job. Whatever, I texted her again yesterday to see if she’s in town on Saturday. Nothing back yet, but if anything she’s just playing games.”
Buddy: “Yeah, playing games as in ignoring you?”
You: “No, she’s just making me work for it. I like that. Feisty. Or maybe she didn’t get the text. She doesn’t have an iPhone, so you know how crappy the other phones are.”
Buddy: [NO RESPONSE]
You: “Dude, she’s a cool girl. Not like the rest. She has a busy life. I think she’s also involved with some sort of volunteer organization. And her friends from out of town may still be here. I’ll probably give her a call this weekend.”
What does a PR agent do? They cover up their client’s mistakes, highlight the positive points, and distract the public from the truth. For example, when Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch like a chimpanzee, PR statements were put out staying he was preparing for a new movie role. When Kobe was accused of rape, PR statements described him as a “responsible” man who got involved in a conspiracy. But guess what, you’re not doing PR for the girl you’re pursuing. Deep down, you know when you’re being rejected, when she’s being a bitch, and when she’s not interested, but for some reason, some of you still feel the need to DEFEND her. Especially in front of your friends. Stop making excuses for her because it doesn’t do you any good either. In the above scenario, you should just face the truth: she’s clearly not interested but gave you her number because she likes the attention. But c’mon, no response after 2 texts? That’s just disrespectful and rude. You shouldn’t have to defend that fact.
So next time, you find yourself defending some chick you’re chasing after, ask yourself, “Do I actually believe this statement?” And if you don’t, you better fucking be paid for your PR blitz.
Tags: chinese dating show, fei cheng wu rao, handling rejection, if you're the one dating show, jiangsu tv, miss singlefied, no means no, no means yes, singlefiedyue, take out, women's mindset, yue xu dating coach
I’ve been spending some time lately watching a really popular Chinese dating show called “If You’re The One.” Here’s the basic premise:
- 24 girls, 1 guy
- Girls have the option to either keep their light on (interested) or off (not interested) for the guy. They can turn their light off whenever they want.
- When the guy first comes out, he secretly picks one girl as his First Impression girl, or literally translated as “The girl that moved my heart.” This choice is only revealed to the host and people watching at home.
- There then is banter between the host and the bachelorettes, as they unleash their opinions about the bachelor in question.
- At the end of the segment, given that there is more than 1 girl who has her light on still, the bachelor picks 2 girls to find out more info. In addition, the First Impression girl is thrown into the mix, too, regardless of whether she left her light on or not.
- Result: the bachelor can pick one of the girls to “take away,” but if he chooses his First Impression girl and she did not leave her light on for him, he has to plead for her to give him a chance.
I started watching the show because it’s the type of absurdity that you know would never exist in reality. For example, the girls are extremely honest with their opinions of the bachelors. “He’s a little fat.” “He looks a little gay.” “I question his fashion sense.” And my favorite: “He looks poor.” But when the bachelor is extremely good looking (quite rare), or is an overall great catch, the girls get super desperate. “It’s my dream to be the perfect wife for you.” “I will cook for you and bring you food to your office, everyday.” “I can look a lot prettier if you want me to.” Basically pleas along the lines of, “I will do everything short of wiping your ass. OK, I could do that, too.”
So, the most interesting observation I’ve made pertains to how bachelors handle their First Impression girl, the girl who moved their heart. I would say, of all the episodes I’ve watched, close to 90% of men choose their First Impression girl in the end, regardless of whether she left her light on or not. And about 99% of time, the girl rejects him. And the more she says “no,” the more the bachelor ups his game. Which, then forces the girl to say something devastating cliche like, “Let’s try to be friends first.” He’s then left empty-handed and publicly humiliated in front of millions of viewers who were rooting for any of the other girls.
What are the takeaways?
One. Guys are hunters. HER. ME WANT. <good ol’ fashioned chest pounding>
Two. Girls may not know if you are what they want, but they sure know when you’re NOT what they want.
Three. When a guy has his eyes on the prize, all other options pale in comparison.
Four. If a girl rejects a guy, her mind is made up.
Five. When a guy is faced with rejection, his first inclination is to try harder.
Six. Girls can be dicks, too.
So in the end, if she’s pretty clear that she’s not interested, she’s not interested. And the energy you spend trying to convince her otherwise should be used to open your eyes to the other “contestants” who are just as great, if not better.
And if you want to waste 10 minutes of your life…
DATING SURVEY RESULTS: Women Want Better Sex; Men Don’t Know What Women Want (And it May Not Matter)Posted: 02/10/2012 by Singlefied in Dating, How To, Pick-Up Strategies, Rejection, Uncategorized
Tags: dating research, dating study, dating survey, miss singlefied, singlefiedyue, what men want, what women want
Results of the Dating Survey are in! We had 100 participants: 41% female and 59% male. The results are fascinating and somewhat surprising.
*In the survey, participants were asked to give their demographic info (age, location, occupation, employment status, relationship status and sexual preference) and then rank the following qualities in order of importance when evaluating a potential mate: Looks, Personality/Sense of Humor, Job/Salary, Intelligence/Education, and Good in Bed. Then they were asked to answer the same question according to how they think their opposite sex would respond (this question was added after the survey launched so 10% of participants did not get to answer this question).
Tags: dating advice, dating coach yue xu, dating tips, jackfroot.com, miss singlefied, singlefied, singlefiedyue
I was recently interviewed and profiled by JackFroot.com. I promised I wouldn’t hold anything back. And I didn’t…
Up Close and Personal with Miss Singlefied
STAN KARR YEUNG
If Will Smith’s character from the 2005 movie Hitch were a real person, he would be a she, and she would be Chinese and hot. Everything else is pretty much the same, minus the story line and plot, actually only the part where Hitch helps guys with dating advice is the same.
Read the rest here
Tags: dating advice show, miss singlefied, uvidy
Tags: 1801 club, bad date ideas, chivas, date tips, great date ideas, miss singlefied, online dating, scotch tasting, singlefiedyue, sparkology, yue xu dating coach
Wow, some of you guys are so romantical and some of you are just douchey. It’s all good, because the girls of Singlefied have picked a winner: Aaron H. Congrats Aaron, you and a guest will be attending the Chivas Tasting Event courtesy of Sparkology! Check out the winning date idea below, and scroll through to see some of the entries that stood out to us.
Start out in Central Park by surprising her with a lunch picnic including some of her favorite dishes. Bring extra blankets in case it’s chilly. After lunch, take her on a dessert tour while walking downtown. Map out 5-6 bakeries along the way. At the last bakery, have a pre-planned dessert with a rose attached (set up ahead of time). She’ll be pleasantly surprised. Reward all this walking with aperitivo at Casa Nonna, an Italian style happy hour where you have access to a buffet of appetizers with the purchase of a cocktail. Drop her off in a cab and walk your ass home.
Our verdict: How thoughtful, well-planned, simple, and romantic! This date requires some pre-planning, but it’ll make any girl impressed and giddy. And hello dessert tour? Hell yeah! Well done, Aaron. We all want to date you now.
1) 1st date Strbcks in mall, be late so she buys her own drnk, get an iced chai, chat abt life n thn buy af1s while askn 4 input
Our verdict: Yo, we said $100 budget, not $1.50. And btw, don’t ever be late for a date.
2) The date starts at the Brooklyn Bridge, where you greet her with a single red rose (or other flower;$3-$5). You walk across the bridge to the middle deck and take out some red wine to have a toast (Trader Joe’s wine, $4). Next, onto Flamenco dance lessons at Dance New Amsterdam ($16.50 each). The studio is a few blocks from the bridge. After dance lessons, get onto the 6 train going downtown. This train ride loops back uptown at the last stop, taking you through beautiful, historic City Hall train station that many people don’t know about. The view is very beautiful and romantic. Ride the train until you get to Grand Central (train ride $4.50). Stroll trough Grand Central and then on to Bryant Park. Across from the park, make a stop at Lily O’brien’s for Coffee or Hot Chocolate and receive a free gourmet chocolate with your drink (with a 2 for 1 coupon on their website the cost will be about $3.50). She will appreciate a bargain and the resourcefulness. After coffee, stroll through Times Square and enjoy the lights. Then on to 5 Napkin Burger. Don’t let the name fool you, this restaurant has great food, drinks and atmosphere, at very reasonable prices(entrees range from about $12-$16). The menu includes great sushi, delicious gourmet burgers, salads and other seafood dishes. At this point you should have just enough money to finish the night off with a drink….and that concludes my version of the perfect date for under a $100. With this date I would hope to have given the impression that I am fun, creative, outgoing, and romantic.
Our verdict: We love the romantic and surprising (Flamenco!) aspects of your date, but we do not love you pulling out a 2-for-1 coupon. There’s nothing wrong with finding a bargain, but make it discreet.
3) While Lincoln Center is mostly known for it’s operas and ballets, it allows for an upscale variation on the tried and true movie dinner date as well. For $20 you can watch a screening of your favorite movie from a year ago followed by a live q&a with the director. Somewhere between the strangely polite audience (a rarity in NYC), the frank discussion with the director (the glitz and glamour of celebrity), and the outraged older woman in the front row berating said director (you are after all still in New York), you the makings of a date her roommates will definitely hear about. For a $10 cab ride you can end up on the corner of 49th and broadway at Hagi. While it’s pretty much as close to Times Square as you can be without technically being in it, the nondescript door filters out any fanny pack toting tourists. First made famous as a watering hole for Bourdain and culinary buddies, the menu features a slew of Japanese delicacies at an affordable price and pitchers cheap enough to never feel guilty about ordering another one.
Our verdict: A Bourdain-worthy restaurant is always a plus, but spending half of the date not talking to each other is a negative. Save movie dates for a girlfriend, not a girl you’re trying to fuck.
4) Take her to Nobu and tell her she can order whatever she wants. Throw in a couple bottles of champagne! Then at the end of dinner, claim that you lost your wallet. Be convincingly frazzled, then tell her you’ll make it up to her next time.
Our verdict: You’re a dick.
5) The date starts at lunch at an uncrowded Chelsea Market where we whet our appetites by slowly meandering and picking up pieces here and there from the various purveyors. Inevitably, conversation steers towards food: we notice each other’s reactions to the tasty fare in the storefronts, to the samples of various goodies that we would not have tried normally, but the relaxed atmosphere encourages us to be indulgent. Lunch in hand, we head southwest to Battery Park and hungrily dig into our makeshift picnic at the park near the World Financial Center. The sight of moored yachts and sailboats make for a playful backdrop as we share stories of unforgettable meals.
The notion of being on the water on a sunny day grips us so we board the Staten Island Ferry and watch the skyline shrink and appreciate this token act of escapism. Sea mist and unfamiliar views of familiar places give us a different, thus tastier slice of New York. Swirls of history, nostalgia and PBS specials well up as we pass by the Statue of Liberty. Finally, we arrive at Staten Island only to immediately go back and experience the whole thing in reverse.
Traipsing through TriBeCa, we grab a quick Vietnamese iced coffee to fuel us to Columbus park in the heart of Chinatown where we revel in the sensory chaos of amateur Beijing opera, handball, fishmongers and senior citizens showing off their tai chi skills to their grandchildren. We take mental notes as we casually mention tidbits of our travels, pressing for more details when it merits.
Then off to SoHo for a quiet(er) respite where we leaf through the new Visionaire and the photo-laden tomes at Tashen and Phaidon. Eagerly showing each other images and/or prose that made an impression, we notice some shared tastes in art but more importantly, we take note of the differences that we can discuss later.
Finally, we take the subway to Coney Island. This short 45 minute train ride allows us to get a small gauge of how we would travel together. We continue our travel talk, while witnessing the dramatic change in scenery from the above ground subway. Escaping the hustle of Manhattan and emerging in the bustle of southern Brooklyn, we stroll on the boardwalk and determine that Nathan’s hotdogs are indeed better in Coney Island. The cool sea air is especially romantic at dusk when on the ferris wheel.
Our verdict: What a wonderfully poetic, scenic and well-scripted date. However, how many hours do we need for this whole production? And when can we take a break from all the traveling? If you’re planning a very involved and active date, make sure to warn her the night before so she wears proper shoes!
Check out “Sex Diaries” in New York Magazine, real life sex stories from New Yorkers.