Posts Tagged ‘miss singlefied’

While living in Beijing for first half of the year, I kept hearing about this new dating site that I was missing out on back in NYC.  In fact, Chinese people couldn’t stop tweeting about it, disappointed that they couldn’t try it out first hand.  So, I had to see what all the fuss was about and was lucky enough to interview co-founder Dawoon Kang.  Coffee Meets Bagel is name of the site.  And I have to say: simply brilliant.

Here’s how it works - 

1) You sign up using your Facebook account, with a couple simple questions and some are already auto-filled.

2) The magical algorithm will do its job to dig into your friends’ inventory of friends, collecting your potential matches.

3) At noon every day, you’re given one choice (aka Bagel), and you can either LIKE or PASS.

4) If you both choose LIKE, you’ll be notified and it’s up to you two to take it from there!

Here’s why I think it’s dope:

  • Less is more.  You’re only given one choice a day.  I recently watched a TED talk from Sheena Iyengar called “How to make choosing easier.”  Basically she talks about how the more options we’re presented with, the less we’re able to make confident decisions, leading to higher chances of buyer’s remorse.  Well, the same goes for online dating.  Remember my post on The Curse of the Buffet (lots of titties in case you’re easily offended by funbags)?  The reason why people get so burnt out by online dating is that it’s hard to focus on the matches, when you’re busy thinking about what other matches may be out there.  Also, after looking at gazillion profiles, they all mush together.
  • Less creepy.  You and your matches will have friends in common.  This technically makes them AND YOU less creepy, even if you’re creeper-certified.  According to the site, people are 37% more likely to date someone if they have Facebook friends in common.
  • Instant dating resume (possibly).  Sometimes dating gets difficult when you meet a rando at a bar and you have no idea what their story is.  So  meeting someone with friends in common gives you instant insights into this person’s history and dating patterns.
  • Perfect for lazy people.  Let’s face it.  You’re lazy.  It probably took you lots of energy to read up to here.  Now all you need to do is lift a finger to press LIKE or PASS once every day.  Takes less effort than taking a shit.

Bad news bears:

  • Rejection on the spot.  Rejection is a lot easier when it’s from strangers who never return your emails.  But it may be a little tricky when it’s a friend of a friend who chose PASS on your mug.  Don’t worry, if you ever meet this person out, just get really really really drunk.
  • Available only in NYC and Boston.  But don’t worry, they’re expanding quicker than you can bitch about it.
  • Matches not ideal.  In order to appear as one of your Bagels, that person would’ve had to sign up, too.  This obviously limits your matches to people who 1) have heard about the site and 2) are willing to put themselves out there forgoing the anonymity they get from traditional dating sites.  But if they value their anonymity so much, they might also be at home collecting human skin and snorting bath salts.  Just sayin’.

Overall, you don’t have much to lose with Coffee Meets Bagel.  Quite a few of my friends and clients have signed up for it.  So far, nobody’s found their dreamboat, but at least they’re having fun doing it.  Because after all, isn’t that what dating should be about?  Having fun?  LIKE!

And just some random facts about how your college affects your dating experience (according to the Coffee Meets Bagel blog):

Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova

After spending more than 7 months scoping out the dating scene in the fastest developing city in the world, I am now excited to expand Singlefied internationally.  Meanwhile, The Beijinger, the biggest publication for foreigners and expats living in Beijing, did a nice feature on yours truly.  Page 54.

Sample scenario:

Buddy: “Yo, what happened with the girl you met on Saturday?”

You: “I got her number.  Texted her on Tuesday.”

Buddy: “Nice.  And?”

You: “Nah.  I mean it’s only been three days.  I know she’s really busy with work.  She works at Google, and you know working there can be a bitch.”

Buddy: “What did you text her?”

You: “I wrote…’Hey, it’s Derek, we met on Sat. Wanna grab drinks Thursday after work?’”

Buddy: “As in yesterday?”

You: “Yeah, but it’s cool because I know she takes yoga pretty often, so I’m sure she was occupied with that yesterday.”

Buddy: “Right, ’cause it’s hard to type out a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you’re in down doggie style.”

You: “I believe it’s ‘down dog.’  Thanks.  And shit, she might be out of town for work, I know she travels a lot for her job.  Whatever, I texted her again yesterday to see if she’s in town on Saturday.  Nothing back yet, but if anything she’s just playing games.”

Buddy: “Yeah, playing games as in ignoring you?”

You: “No, she’s just making me work for it.  I like that.  Feisty.  Or maybe she didn’t get the text.  She doesn’t have an iPhone, so you know how crappy the other phones are.”

Buddy: [NO RESPONSE]

You: “Dude, she’s a cool girl.  Not like the rest.  She has a busy life.  I think she’s also involved with some sort of volunteer organization.  And her friends from out of town may still be here.  I’ll probably give her a call this weekend.”

___________________________________________________

What does a PR agent do?  They cover up their client’s mistakes, highlight the positive points, and distract the public from the truth.  For example, when Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch like a chimpanzee, PR statements were put out staying he was preparing for a new movie role.  When Kobe was accused of rape, PR statements described him as a “responsible” man who got involved in a conspiracy.  But guess what, you’re not doing PR for the girl you’re pursuing.  Deep down, you know when you’re being rejected, when she’s being a bitch, and when she’s not interested, but for some reason, some of you still feel the need to DEFEND her.  Especially in front of your friends.  Stop making excuses for her because it doesn’t do you any good either.  In the above scenario, you should just face the truth: she’s clearly not interested but gave you her number because she likes the attention.  But c’mon, no response after 2 texts?  That’s just disrespectful and rude.  You shouldn’t have to defend that fact.

So next time, you find yourself defending some chick you’re chasing after, ask yourself, “Do I actually believe this statement?”  And if you don’t, you better fucking be paid for your PR blitz.

Don’t Take It Personally!: The Art of Dealing with Rejection

I’ve been spending some time lately watching a really popular Chinese dating show called “If You’re The One.”  Here’s the basic premise:

- 24 girls, 1 guy

- Girls have the option to either keep their light on (interested) or off (not interested) for the guy.  They can turn their light off whenever they want.

- When the guy first comes out, he secretly picks one girl as his First Impression girl, or literally translated as “The girl that moved my heart.”  This choice is only revealed to the host and people watching at home.

- There then is banter between the host and the bachelorettes, as they unleash their opinions about the bachelor in question.

- At the end of the segment, given that there is more than 1 girl who has her light on still, the bachelor picks 2 girls to find out more info.  In addition, the First Impression girl is thrown into the mix, too, regardless of whether she left her light on or not.

- Result: the bachelor can pick one of the girls to “take away,” but if he chooses his First Impression girl and she did not leave her light on for him, he has to plead for her to give him a chance.

I started watching the show because it’s the type of absurdity that you know would never exist in reality.  For example, the girls are extremely honest with their opinions of the bachelors.  “He’s a little fat.”  “He looks a little gay.”  “I question his fashion sense.”  And my favorite: “He looks poor.”  But when the bachelor is extremely good looking (quite rare), or is an overall great catch, the girls get super desperate.   “It’s my dream to be the perfect wife for you.”  “I will cook for you and bring you food to your office, everyday.”  “I can look a lot prettier if you want me to.”  Basically pleas along the lines of, “I will do everything short of wiping your ass.  OK, I could do that, too.”

So, the most interesting observation I’ve made pertains to how bachelors handle their First Impression girl, the girl who moved their heart.  I would say, of all the episodes I’ve watched, close to 90% of men choose their First Impression girl in the end, regardless of whether she left her light on or not.  And about 99% of time, the girl rejects him.  And the more she says “no,” the more the bachelor ups his game.  Which, then forces the girl to say something devastating cliche like, “Let’s try to be friends first.”  He’s then left empty-handed and publicly humiliated in front of millions of viewers who were rooting for any of the other girls.

What are the takeaways?

One.  Guys are hunters.  HER.  ME WANT.  <good ol’ fashioned chest pounding>

Two.  Girls may not know if you are what they want, but they sure know when you’re NOT what they want.

Three.  When a guy has his eyes on the prize, all other options pale in comparison.

Four.  If a girl rejects a guy, her mind is made up.

Five.  When a guy is faced with rejection, his first inclination is to try harder

Six.  Girls can be dicks, too.

So in the end, if she’s pretty clear that she’s not interested, she’s not interested.  And the energy you spend trying to convince her otherwise should be used to open your eyes to the other “contestants” who are just as great, if not better.

And if you want to waste 10 minutes of  your life…

How To Get The Girl | IGNORE and SCORE: Dating Mindsets Explained – How To Attract And Date Beautiful Women

Results of the Dating Survey are in!  We had 100 participants: 41% female and 59% male.  The results are fascinating and somewhat surprising.

*In the survey, participants were asked to give their demographic info (age, location, occupation, employment status, relationship status and sexual preference) and then rank the following qualities in order of importance when evaluating a potential mate: Looks, Personality/Sense of Humor, Job/Salary, Intelligence/Education, and Good in Bed.  Then they were asked to answer the same question according to how they think their opposite sex would respond (this question was added after the survey launched so 10% of participants did not get to answer this question).

(more…)

Written By: Dick Lambert

Sorry, I haven’t been posting my adventures recently. I am going to catch you all up and also say goodbye, as this will be Dick’s last post.

I recently, had a house guest for a few weeks. A friend of mine from high school is getting divorced and he needed some time to recharge his testosterone at my man cave. Nothing cures a discouraged heart better than getting right back on top of or behind another woman, so we set out with Operation Wingman.

Operation Wingman has a few key ingredients: one is a dive bar where the drinks are good n cheap, two the women are plentiful, and three a friend who knows the fine art of wingmanship. I was looking forward to helping Ned out because he was going through a tough time, while he is handsome, Ned is an awful closer. Plus Ned hadn’t really seen the full Dick in action so I was going to show off a bit.

We hit the bar at 11:30 pm enough time for anyone there to have already gotten a buzz on. Ned eyed two women he was interested in and in a brazen move walked right up one and started chatting her up. Ned was just plowing through trying to be bold. I had to rescue him as he was like a bull in a fine china shop. Once I reared him in and helped him get his drink on we casually saddled up next to his second pick, let the games begin!

I wish I had a good name for this particular wingman technique, your suggestions are welcome. I played to perfection the role of funny but obnoxious friend that goes a little to far. I started the ice breaker off by talking about an unusual viewpoint on the movie Forrest Gump. I then poll those around us, lo and behold the woman Ned is interested in. No matter what her opinion I tease her, disagree, and bust her as much as possible in a playful manner. The wingman is great because you are loose and on your game because you don’t care, there is no pressure for yourself. I say playing the wingman role is great practice in general for picking up woman. Now, here comes the tricky part, you want to make Ned seem smarter, funnier, and a better choice. You do not want to flip her to yourself that usually causes problems between you and Ned. I make sure this doesn’t happen by occasionally pushing things in the kidding around a little to far and there is Ned to rescue her, offer her a smoke outside, another drink, and a dance all to rescue her from my sinister clutches.

Ned is such a bad closer that he goes outside for a smoke without her. I tell her straight out look what you have done. My good friend from way back is outside by himself, smoking while you are in here being made fun of by me. I think there has to be some sort of rule that you aren’t following, do you leave your girlfriends alone to brave the women’s room alone? Im pretty sure you aren’t suppose to leave Ned alone. She complies because by this time she knows the dynamics of our group, I’m the funny but obnoxious one, Ned is the very funny (laugh extra hard when you are the wingman), employed traveler.

By the end of the evening I invite all to the diner for some grease to settle stomachs. I of course make up some outlandish reason my car is full and I have to stop home so Ned and her will have to ride together. They never make it to the diner and Ned gets his freak on at her place for the next three days; my man cave is mine alone!

I have also been hard at work breaking into an ex’s new circle of friends at belly dancing class. I have met the women after class at the local bar on two occasions. I have shown I am funny, smart, tall, handsome, man of means who can thrive in a pack of sexually aggressive liberated belly dancing women. My X is doing her part of the wingman by downplaying we use to go out ages and ages ago. I’m torn between two of her friends. The belly dancing instructor herself or the young Latin gal. I even come to the performance showcase and afterwards close the dance floor with them. By the way this is the best advice about dancing with a woman I have ever seen.

I start a little dance circle, a little conga line, and just have silly fun. The young Latin girl is into me and the belly dancing instructor takes every opportunity to check me out, impressed I can have fun dancing. I eventually choose the young Latin woman, Marisa.
I figure I can always come back to the dance instructor.

I bring all the A game to my first date with Marisa. Our first date is the gun range and drinks or what I like to call Shooting and Shots (in that order always!). If you have never shot a rifle or pistol before you should go with some of your friends. It makes for a fun first date because its exciting, you can show off a little, on a primal level guns are sexy, men who can handle themselves with a firearm is sexy, and a woman with a gun is sexy, its win-win. I also like the gun range because you can have a lot of fun with body language and some non-creepy touching. Help her grip the pistol, help her spread her legs even with her shoulders, shift her hips to the side, look down sight, control your breathing, and lean into the recoil. Afterwards we are doing shots high on the excitement from the range and then down the street from her parents’ house, making out in my car.

Here comes the part where I explain why this is my last post. I got a lot of high fives from Ned, my other friends, and some great feedback from our readers, and of course Miss Singlefied herself. Meanwhile, through this I started dating this one woman who I met online. I’m not going to even make up a name for her here. We have been on three dates and haven’t even hooked up yet. Out of all the ladies: Marisa, belly dancing instructor, and the others along the way I’m more myself around her, I make all the mistakes I implore you not to make in my previous posts. I think I have reached a time where I find if I play the game too well I outplay the organic development of any real connection or feelings. Marisa and I played a perfect game but it wasn’t much of a challenge, I wasn’t being myself, I was really just Dick Lambert looking to win and score, somehow more and more it feels unnatural and I feel alone. By playing the game too much and too well you play yourself out of romance and love, like the difference between a delicious homemade cherry pie and a diet artificial supermarket cherry pie if there was such a thing.

Playing the game is fun, but with the girl who really matters, you just have to play yourself. Gentlemen, it has been an absolute pleasure.

Happy New Year.

I was recently interviewed and profiled by JackFroot.com.  I promised I wouldn’t hold anything back.  And I didn’t…

________________________________________________

Up Close and Personal with Miss Singlefied

STAN KARR YEUNG
If Will Smith’s character from the 2005 movie Hitch were a real person, he would be a she, and she would be Chinese and hot. Everything else is pretty much the same, minus the story line and plot, actually only the part where Hitch helps guys with dating advice is the same.

Read the rest here

How To Get The Girl | IGNORE and SCORE: Dating Mindsets Explained – How To Attract And Date Beautiful Women

Let’s just pretend I never went on a blogging hiatus.  Cool?  Cool.

Continuing our “Art of Conversation” series, last time I wrote about Deep Listening: The most scarce resource in a conversation is attention.  And once you’re in a conversation, what do you do?

The biggest mistake many make when in a conversation with a new person is that they worry too much about how they’re being perceived.  “Am I coming off interesting?”  “Do I sound smart?” “What should I talk about next?”  Now I challenge you to shift  your perspective, and focus entirely on the other person:

1)  What does this person want?

Let’s say on a first date, a girl brings up her dog Guido.

What she wants: She wants to brag about her dog and why she named him Guido.  So hey, you should ask her about her dog Guido.  Ask as many questions as possible.

2) What does this person need?

On the same first date, she tells you about her biggest pet peeve: loud eaters.

What she needs: Good manners.  So, you should ask her about how she realized this pet peeve.  How she feels when she’s in a noodle shop.  And how are Guido’s table manners?

3) What are her values?

She tells you how after playing Dance Central for 5 hours, she was impressed that her neighbor downstairs came by with cookies and a nice note kindly requesting her to “tread lightly.”

What’s important to her: Respect.  Mature communication.  Sensitivity.  And cookies.  It gives you an opportunity to ask her what she would do if the situation were reversed.  Also, what kind of cookies?

By putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, you not only get a better sense of that person, but it also takes the pressure off of trying too hard to impress.

This week’s challenge: Talk to a bartender and try to assess her needs.  Bartenders are 1) open to talking to strangers and 2) not used to talking too much about themselves.  It should be a fun challenge.  And even more fun if she has distracting teets.

 

P.S. In the class, we were given the scenario of when a cop pulls you over.  While most people shit their pants and try to come up with an excuse, it turns out that according to a survey of police officers, they want you to 1) have your hands on the wheel (Safety), 2) address them by “sir” (Respect), 3) admit your wrongdoing (Acknowledgement of Authority), and 4) say you’ll ever do it again (Job Accomplished).  Apparently, if you follow these 4 steps, you’ll most likely be let off on a warning.  And to think, all those years of faking “female problems,” or my favorite: “no speak English.”

I highly recommend this book by Dale Carnegie: How To Win Friends and Influence People

Miss Singlefied will be answering dating questions LIVE tonight on Uvidy.  You can also get your dating questions early by submitting here.


You Got Served – Take It to the Streets (Dance Instructional)