Try out these fashion tips at speed dating! Miss Singlefied recommends Hurry Date
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Tags: ask miss singlefied, dating advice, dating tips, dress for first date, dress to impress, fashion tips for guys, first date wardrobe, singlefiedyue, yue xu dating coach
Try out these fashion tips at speed dating! Miss Singlefied recommends Hurry Date
Tags: ask miss singlefied, grooming tips, manscaping tips, on the cheap tip, prevent ingrown hairs and razor burn, singlefiedyue, yue xu dating coach
Miss Singlefied highly recommends the book: I Suck at Girls (don’t be fooled by the title)
Tags: dating advice, dating tips, don't be a dick, improve dating life, improve love life, new years resolutions, singlefiedyue, yue xu dating coach
Let’s take all the lessons learned from 2011 and apply them to a kick ass 2012. I can already see that 2012 is going to be hotter, smarter, and kinkier than 2011.
10. Surround yourself with success stories
Misery does love company so hanging out with your loser friends, who think women are the devil, is probably not the best way to start off 2012. People take on the mindset of the characters they surround themselves with. Have you ever noticed that you eat a lot more around your foodie friends? Or drink a lot more around your alcoholic buddies? It’s called “groupthink,” a social phenomenon where groups reach social consensus without good reasoning. It’s something that happens psychologically with all us in group situations. So, if you’re going to experience groupthink, why not experience it with happy, successful people? 2012 is the year to be selective about who you hang out with the most. Is it your buddy Tom who can’t over “that bitch” or your coworker Dave, a former douche who is dating an awesome girl with even more awesome single girlfriends?
9. Don’t hold on and don’t lead on
This is where I firmly stand: feelings are either there or not. Feelings and chemistry cannot be manufactured. This is why sometimes we have feelings for people we should’t have feelings for. It’s out of our control. So, there’s no hope in forcing chemistry with anybody. If the girl you’ve been pining after has already told you she’s not interested, I can 100% guarantee you she’s still not interested. 2012 is not the year for you to convince that girl that you would treat her like a princess. That girl don’t give a shit. This is the year to let go. Have you closed the Ex Files? If your answer is, “Yes, we just meet up occasionally to catch up,” then I don’t want to talk to you anymore. You obviously do not understand what “closing the door” means.
Similarly, if you’ve been leading a girl on, sure it’s fun and games, but you know you’re hurting her feelings, too. We all like to surround ourselves with people who like and admire us. But that’s what friends and stalkers are for. Not the poor girl who poured her heart out to you. Let. her. go.
8. Constantly improve yourself
I had a really interesting conversation with my good friend B the other day. He’s been in NYC forever and used to be quite the playa, like Dick Lambert level. When I first moved to NY 7 years ago, B used to play this game called “Shampoo.” Similarly to how you shampoo, the suds would build up to a bigger and bigger lather. Well, B would literally take a girl out on a date, and while on the date, hit on a hotter girl. And while on the date with the hotter girl, he would hit on an even hotter girl. I’ve personally witnessed him do it a couple times and was compelled to give him a plaque.
Recently I was out with B, and he said this to me, “Just the satisfaction of knowing I could sleep with that chick [points at hot girl] is good enough. Frankly, I’d rather go home early, avoid waking up next to someone I’m never going to call, and actually get my ass to the gym in the morning.” B now looks better than ever and even took up Spanish lessons. Instead of wasting his time on girls that were nothing but a hot piece of ass, he made himself into a hot piece of ass.
How can you improve yourself this year? You can always be smarter, fitter, richer, cooler, nicer, and just overall better.
7. Act your age
The Peter Pan Syndrome is only cute around your mom, and even she may want to slap you sometimes. If you’re in the I-Don’t-Know-What-I’m-Doing age bracket, then fine, you be a dumbass and nobody’s gonna judge. But if you’re a grown ass man pulling a Benjamin Button, nobody’s going to have sympathy for your dating woes. The fact is, you know exactly how you’re suppose to act at your age. The “I’m a 22-year-old trapped in a 30-year-old’s body”? Not hot. What is hot is the 22-year-old trapped in his 22-year-old body.
We, women, want to date a man who acts his age. It’s really not too much to ask.
6. Start new adventures
Dating is a lot more fun if you see it as a series of adventures. Remember the first time you and your buddies went on a roadtrip to nowhere? Or when you decided to discover a new route to work? Those are adventures. Those are the times when you didn’t know what to expect but you were excited about the unknown. Dating should be the same. That girl who’s standing behind you at Starbucks? She’s a new adventure. I wonder why she has jogging gear on in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. And that seemingly quiet girl you met at last weekend’s house party? She’s a new adventure. I wonder what really makes her tick. Adventures are about learning and EVERYONE can teach you a thing or two.
5. Stop playing the victim
Everybody comes with a disclaimer. “Emotionally-damaged, questionably-distant with a streak of douchiness.” I’m a big fan of disclaimers because it’s an honest approach to dating. However, what is not healthy is using disclaimers to excuse your behavior or your unfavorable situation. Let me tell you that almost every client I’ve had opens up the conversation with, “I just got out of a really bad relationship,” or “My family is fucked up,” or “I’ve had to support myself all my life…” and then finish the sentence with, “and that is why I’m an asshole,” or “that is why I can’t have healthy relationships.” I get it, we’ve all been through shit and it makes for our strengths and weaknesses. However, victimizing yourself will only make you lazy and complacent. You’ll always have something else to blame other than yourself. Having emotional baggage is like having a handicap. But, does the one-legged man not go on the treadmill because he only has one leg? No, he fucking finds a way. Does the deaf lady stop playing music because she can’t hear? No, she fucking finds a way. So, does the guy with a dysfunctional family avoid starting a family of his own? No, he fucking finds a way to start a better family. We are human beings and it is in our power to morph, cope and transform. Your life challenges and hardships are there to strengthen you for the road ahead, they’re not there to excuse the road you’re stuck on. Move forward.
4. Be open to change
Your dating life may be less than favorable because everything’s the same. If you keep plugging in the same formula, you’re going to keep getting the same result. 1+1 will always equal 2. So let’s take a lesson from basic algebra and change the variables. Find the variables that are the most negative in your life. Is is the bumblefuck town you’ve been in for 10 years? Is it the hellish job that causes you to drink gallons of alcohol? Or maybe it’s the same circle of childhood friends who’ve now married their cousins and had ugly babies? 2012 is a year for change and you gotta be open to it. Once your variables change, your outcome is guaranteed to be different.
3. Be respectful and respectable
I don’t need to elaborate much on this; it’s common sense. You should always treat others with respect, even if it means hurting them or putting them in an undesirable situation. Being a respectable human being can only yield respectable dating results.
2. Be a MAN
I don’t blame some of you for forgetting to be a man sometimes. This society is so focused on gender equality, that it forgot to emphasize the importance of being a man. The role of the man is often overlooked and undermined. That has to change. But YOU should still focus on fulfilling your manly role. There’s a great website called The Art of Manliness that focuses on manly things not just in relationships, but in every aspect of your life. What makes us as women attracted to you is the fact that we can’t be you. We can’t be men. We’ll never be men. That is why your manliness is sexy and admirable. We want you to take your stance, smell like a man, take charge, claim your woman, show your strength, acknowledge your weaknesses, and fucking manhandle us like there’s no tomorrow. Pound your chest and have something to show for it, Tarzan.
1. DON’T BE A DICK
There’s a big difference between having a big dick and being a big dick. You have a choice in the latter. Choose wisely.
Tags: breakups, dating advice for guys, dating timeline, dating tips, handling rejection, heartbreak, online dating, self awareness, speed dating, understanding women, what women like, what women want, yue xu dating coach
2011 was a great year for Singlefied. We officially launched the blog, created great partnerships, attracted worthy attention from the press, started the successful show Ask Miss Singlefied, and ended the year with a sexy write-up on Jackfroot.com. But most importantly, we met you. Thank you for your support, feedback, stories and discussions. As a thank you, let’s review all the popular posts from 2011 that will make your dating life even better in 2012 [given that the world does not fucking end].
Who are you?
Get to know yourself: the good, the bad, the ugly.
How to stop being victimized as the nice guy.
Where are you?
With each new year means movement in your Dating Timeline.
Who are women?
How do women think differently.
How to talk to her.
How she becomes attracted to you.
How to handle hot, bitchy women.
How to tell when she’s truly interested.
How to handle rejection.
Why she swallows.
What do women like in bed?
Learn from porn for women.
How to keep your dick hard.
Tools of dating:
Handling the ex
Coping with heartbreak
The Creeper Sweeper
5 things that won’t get you another date
Curse of the buffet (dating too many women at once)
Tags: ask miss singlefied, dating advice, dating questions, dating tips, dating vlog, eharmony, improve online dating profile picture, match.com, okcupid, singlefeed, singlefiedyue, singlefield, yue xu dating coach
Tags: color psychology, color theory, datingisms, how colors make you feel, miss singlefied, singlefied, what colors to wear on a date
Lately, I’ve been playing around with how our senses affect our dating experience. There are certainly things that we can’t control, such as our bone structure, natural body odor, and sound of our voice, but then there are somethings we can control. This week, I want to explore color psychology.
What if you could give off a specific persona, create a mood, or stimulate action by just wearing a certain color? Sure, a color won’t win over the girl of your dreams or fend off the busted-face-girl at the bar, but look at this way, it can’t hurt.
After doing some research on the Color Theory, I’ve come up with the following cheat sheet:
When you want to be noticed (in a crowded space):
Wear ORANGE – It evokes excitement and enthusiasm. It’s attention-getting and it’s a color of action, that’s why many websites have the “Buy Now” button in orange. Orange has also been a color used in therapy to increase energy levels. Wearing this color will definitely draw attention to you, but you better have the energy and enthusiasm to live up to all the orange hype!
When on a first date:
Wear BLUE – It has a soothing, calming effect. It evokes a sense of safety, serenity, peacefulness, tranquility, and security. Blue has been used to soothe illnesses and treat pain. It’s a great first date color because it’ll calm her nerves and give you the persona of a secure, soothing guy. First date jitters begone! And just as an added bonus, blue is the least appetizing color and has often been used in weight loss products. So, it’ll deter your date from ordering too much food! Schwing.
Wear GREEN: It has similar effects as wearing BLUE, except it also adds the perception of being healthy and confident. Additionally, it has been shown that people who work in offices painted green experience less stomachaches. Eat all the Mexican you want! Ole!
When dating an anorexic girl:
Wear RED: Contrary to popular belief, red is not a sexual color when worn by guys. It’s intense and threatening, and it makes the heart beat faster (in a stressful way). But apparently, red makes people feel hungry and that is why many restaurants are painted red. It is also used to stimulate the body and mind and used in therapy to increase circulation. Your waif girl will appreciate the increased appetite.
When asking your ex to take you back:
Wear WHITE: It makes you seem pure, innocent and honest. It’ll bring her guards down and maybe help her forget how shitty you were to her. Just as a side note, white is a good color to wear on job interviews because it makes you seem dependable and reliable.
When you want to date a supermodel:
Wear BLACK: It’ll make you look powerful and wealthy. High quality. High class. Even if you have $10.83 to your name.
Wear PURPLE: It gives off the perception of wealth, wisdom, and spirituality.
When meeting up with an ex you hate:
Wear YELLOW: It’s the most fatiguing color to the eye and brings about frustration and anger. It severely stimulates the nerves. And therefore, she will leave you alone from now on.
Tags: best hair cuts to cover bald spots, dating advice, dating tips, dating while losing hair, datingisms, losing hair, male pattern baldness, miss singlefied, singlefied
Tags: dating advice, dating questions, dating sociologist, dating tips, miss singlefied, youtube, yue xu dating coach
Subscribe to the Singlefied Youtube channel and send Miss Singlefied your dating questions:
Tags: dating, pick up girls, pick up strategies, single guy
I know I like to give you guys some proactive pick-up strategies such as the Creeper Sweeper and Toast ‘n’ Bolt. Mystery, the pick-up artist even takes it one step further and tells you to do magic tricks and shit to break the ice. Well boys, there are less involved ways, such as paying attention to what you wear. This past weekend was the prime example of that.
Thursday: I notice a guy wearing a Power Balance wristband on the subway (I have one too) and I ask if it’s helping him surf the train. We have a solid 5-minute convo debating the “science” behind using holograms to improve balance and agility. I get to my stop before he could finish his argument, so he asks for my number. Smooth.
Friday: Spotted. A guy wearing a UT-Austin t-shirt, my friend Lisa’s alma mater. She approaches him to ask what year he graduated. Turns out they’re 6 years apart, no over-lapping friends or classes, but lived in the same apartment complex (just not at the same time). He gets her a drink and she goes home with him. Fist bump explosion.
Saturday: Starbucks catch-up sesh with one of my clients. He’s sporting a vintage Laker’s hat, which I mistakened for a gross, dirty hat. While ordering his coffee, hot girl taps him on the shoulder and asks if he’s from LA. She is and her dad collects vintage Laker hats. They have a giggle about how much New Yorker’s don’t like LA’ers. They exchange business cards. He puts cream in her coffee. I charge him double for the session (dating advice AND picked up a chick).
Sunday: Brunch with the girls. Next to us, a bro-brunch. My friend Dana discovers one of the guys is wearing Silly Bandz . Kinda gay but she has her’s on too. She yells out, “Hey, what you got over there?” He responds, “Cars!” Next thing you know, it’s a coed brunch for 8.
No, I’m not trying to tell you that the next time you go out, get decked out in silly bandz, balance bracelets, sports team hats and college shirts. But, next time you’re out, make a conscious decision to wear something that’s a statement about your interests. Not only does it give you character, it helps to break the ice. And if you’re feeling more aggressive, keep your eye out for something a girl’s wearing that could interest you, and use it as a conversation starter. However, let’s keep it classy. “Hey I noticed your thong peeking out of your jeans is from the 2011 Victoria Secret’s Very Sexy collection” won’t break the ice, but she might break your nose.
Tags: dating, dating sociologist, self awareness, single, swot analysis, yue xu dating coach
Dating is like selling yourself as a product and seeing who wants to buy. But how can you really sell yourself if you don’t know your product? Self-awareness and understanding is something lacking among many men, so this week, I challenge you to go back to Marketing 101 and get to know your product. SWOT yourself:
STRENGTHS – What do you do best? What are you good at? What have your past girlfriends admired about you? Your best personality traits? What are you most proud of? What advantages do you have over other guys?
WEAKNESSES – What are you not comfortable doing? What is out of your comfort zone? What have your ex’s complained about? What would your biggest critic say about you? What do you suck at? What places you at a disadvantage to other guys?
OPPORTUNITIES – What are some external factors that could provide positive outcomes for you? Ex: Just joined a co-ed softball team that could provide opportunities to meet new people. Or seasonal dating is in full effect. Or a hot girl just moved into your building.
THREATS – What are some external factors that could impede you from getting a positive outcome? Ex: Your ex-girlfriend won’t leave you alone. Or your identical twin just joined the same dating site as you. Or your family members usually don’t age well.
Having a good sense of yourself will not only help you sell yourself better, but will also help you date more efficiently. The goal is to work on your weaknesses while finding opportunities to highlight your strengths, and using your strengths to combat any potential threats.