Dating in China changes faster than these half-assed skyscrapers that get built. This time around, I’m learning more about the deceasing stock of foreigners (white guys), how local girls are getting smarter, and why Confucius won’t let Chinese guys go for white girls. I was told that if you get offended, I’m doing my job right. Here’s a podcast I was invited to do by the Economic Observer all about dating in china.
Archive for the ‘International Dating’ Category
Tags: ask miss singlefied, Chinese dating culture, Confucius, date Chinese girl, dating in china, laowai dating, LBH, love, singlefiedyue, white guy chinese girl, yellow fever, yue xu dating coach, 徐悦，爱情专家
Tags: ask miss singlefied, dating advice, dating outside of your race, dating tips, interracial dating, singlefiedyue, yue xu dating coach
Miss Singlefied recommends the book: Around the world in 80 Girls: The epic 3 year trip of a backpacking Casanova
Tags: dating in china, international dating, miss singlefied, singlefiedyue, The Global Times, yue xu dating coach
Some might be born experts in the art of seduction, while others need a bit of help. This is where dating coach Xu Yue comes in handy.
The Beijing native started offering dating advice in New York City two years ago, and since then has seen her career rise. She now coaches men face-to-face or online around the world, with a focus on Beijing and New York.
“I don’t think romance can be taught… [read more here]
Tags: miss singlefied, singlefiedyue, The Beijinger August Issue, yue xu dating coach
After spending more than 7 months scoping out the dating scene in the fastest developing city in the world, I am now excited to expand Singlefied internationally. Meanwhile, The Beijinger, the biggest publication for foreigners and expats living in Beijing, did a nice feature on yours truly. Page 54.
Tags: chinese dating show, fei cheng wu rao, handling rejection, if you're the one dating show, jiangsu tv, miss singlefied, no means no, no means yes, singlefiedyue, take out, women's mindset, yue xu dating coach
I’ve been spending some time lately watching a really popular Chinese dating show called “If You’re The One.” Here’s the basic premise:
- 24 girls, 1 guy
- Girls have the option to either keep their light on (interested) or off (not interested) for the guy. They can turn their light off whenever they want.
- When the guy first comes out, he secretly picks one girl as his First Impression girl, or literally translated as “The girl that moved my heart.” This choice is only revealed to the host and people watching at home.
- There then is banter between the host and the bachelorettes, as they unleash their opinions about the bachelor in question.
- At the end of the segment, given that there is more than 1 girl who has her light on still, the bachelor picks 2 girls to find out more info. In addition, the First Impression girl is thrown into the mix, too, regardless of whether she left her light on or not.
- Result: the bachelor can pick one of the girls to “take away,” but if he chooses his First Impression girl and she did not leave her light on for him, he has to plead for her to give him a chance.
I started watching the show because it’s the type of absurdity that you know would never exist in reality. For example, the girls are extremely honest with their opinions of the bachelors. “He’s a little fat.” “He looks a little gay.” “I question his fashion sense.” And my favorite: “He looks poor.” But when the bachelor is extremely good looking (quite rare), or is an overall great catch, the girls get super desperate. “It’s my dream to be the perfect wife for you.” “I will cook for you and bring you food to your office, everyday.” “I can look a lot prettier if you want me to.” Basically pleas along the lines of, “I will do everything short of wiping your ass. OK, I could do that, too.”
So, the most interesting observation I’ve made pertains to how bachelors handle their First Impression girl, the girl who moved their heart. I would say, of all the episodes I’ve watched, close to 90% of men choose their First Impression girl in the end, regardless of whether she left her light on or not. And about 99% of time, the girl rejects him. And the more she says “no,” the more the bachelor ups his game. Which, then forces the girl to say something devastating cliche like, “Let’s try to be friends first.” He’s then left empty-handed and publicly humiliated in front of millions of viewers who were rooting for any of the other girls.
What are the takeaways?
One. Guys are hunters. HER. ME WANT. <good ol’ fashioned chest pounding>
Two. Girls may not know if you are what they want, but they sure know when you’re NOT what they want.
Three. When a guy has his eyes on the prize, all other options pale in comparison.
Four. If a girl rejects a guy, her mind is made up.
Five. When a guy is faced with rejection, his first inclination is to try harder.
Six. Girls can be dicks, too.
So in the end, if she’s pretty clear that she’s not interested, she’s not interested. And the energy you spend trying to convince her otherwise should be used to open your eyes to the other “contestants” who are just as great, if not better.
And if you want to waste 10 minutes of your life…
Tags: ask miss singlefied, dating apps, dating in china, easy girls, singlefiedyue, weixin
Happy Valentine’s Day guys! Yay, another day reminding you that you’re single whether you like it or not. I am currently in Beijing working on a couple dating-related (and some just for fun) projects. The dating scene here is borderline absurd where men outnumber women 3:1 but expats know China to be a notorious easy lay. Who knew such a conservative culture on the outside would hide so much promiscuity underneath. Trust me, I could write a whole book on it (and I will). And if you’re a guy not getting enough ass in the US, you should come to China. But don’t expect “Me love you long time.” It’ll be more like, “Me love you tonight or until I find out you’re dirt ass poor.”
OK, back to Valentine’s Day. The topic of dating has become the most popular thing in China with hundreds of dating shows, matchmaking services, and online dating sites popping up by the second. In the past, people traditionally met by being introduced by family or co-workers. Now, young Chinese adults have taken on more non-traditional approaches to dating. One of which is through the most downloaded app in China called Weixin, available for Android and Apple.
This free app is available in English and Chinese and after downloading it for only 2 days, I’ve already decided that it is perfect for the single and bored. So the basic functions are:
- SMS anyone in your phonebook without using up your text message allowance
- Send instant audio messages (way better than voicemail)
- Send bulk messages
- Search for friends
- Find people within a 1000m radius through an advanced geo-location service
But here’s some of the kinky stuff you can do:
- Strike up a conversation with any of the strangers you find through the geo-location search. Everyone has a profile pic and a brief intro so you can weed out the uglies.
- The “Shake” (摇一摇）function asks you to shake your phone and if other people (strangers or friends) happen to shake their phone at the same time, you’re instantly connected and can initiate a conversation with each other. I was at a dinner where someone told me that her brother in Australia found his current girlfriend through this function. Apparently, Weixin has reached more than 100 million shakes a day, meaning over 100 million strangers are connecting daily.
- My favorite is the “Drift Bottle” function, which can be really quirky and naughty. You have two selections: 1) You write/record a message and “throw” it out into the cybersea, or 2) You pick up a random message and respond to the stranger if you choose to. It may seem innocent enough but last night while using this function, I thought I was in the middle of some weird cyber porno. I “threw” out the audio message “I love cake!” and got several replies along the lines of “Is it as yummy as you?” “I’ll eat it if it’s on you,” and the most forward, “I want to eat you.” Now I’m dating all 3 guys. (haha, j/k)
So there are 50 million Weixin users with the majority being between 22-30. It helps if you know Chinese but many of the users are non-Chinese and/or know English. But that may also be because I’m using it in China. How about you guys try it in the states and tell me who you find?
And just a word of caution from my friend PK: people always look better as a thumbnail. Make sure you ask for more pics before you meet up with these randos.
If you want to find more dating apps, check out Apps Magazine: The Best dating Apps
Tags: breast size, datingisms, penis size, singlefied, what country has big breasts, what country has large penises, world map of breast size, world map of penis size
- Motorboating in Russia must be intense
- Tig ol’ bitties and piny lil’ tenises in the US
- Ethiopian women are fucking in Sudan
- I am moving to Peru
Tags: dating advice, dating questions, dating sociologist, dating tips, miss singlefied, youtube, yue xu dating coach
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Tags: 2nd wife, concubine, ernai, marriage in china, mistress, polygamy in china
Draped in Gucci, Prada and LV from head-to-toe, an attractive thin woman in her early 20′s walks arm-in-arm with a suited gentleman wearing a wedding ring. Her ring finger is bare. They sit down to have dinner with his business partners in a busy, trendy restaurant. After dinner, he has his driver take her home. He catches a cab back to his wife and kids.
In recent years, the concept of a 2nd wife, or “Ernai,” has become more prominent than ever in midst of China’s booming economy. It is now quite common for rich businessmen in China to take on a modern day concubine, where he’ll pay her, house her and clothe her all while living the day-to-day with his legal wife. There are several tiers of an ernai: purely gifts = casual ernai, gifts + cash = part-time ernai, gifts + cash + house + car = full time ernai. Obviously, you get what you pay for, so the more you give your ernai, the more you can demand from her. Most of the time, a “salaried” ernai is there to be arm candy and to provide hot sex. She has to be showered with high-end luxury brands, because after all, she’s groomed for you to show off in public.
I personally know a professional ernai who has been supported by the same married man for over 20 years. We’ll call her Lily. He pays her enough so she doesn’t have to work full time. Their arrangement is that he comes over every Thursday to have sex, then dinner, then more sex. Lily is now 45 and never been married. Her pay decreases every year she gets older. But, she considers herself lucky because just like models, it is rare to find women over 30 who are still desirable as an ernai.
Women who become an ernai early in life (some start as young as 19) become stuck because after they’re no longer desirable, they have no education or job skills to fall back on. The one thing they do have is power, if they’re smart enough to exercise it. Some women can get guys to support them forever just from blackmail. “I’ll tell your wife/go to the press if you cut me off.” Since many of these men are important foreign diplomats or political figures, they’d rather support these women than deal with the public backlash. What did I tell you about women being intelligently manipulative?
So, here’s a business idea. Let’s start an ernai training academy where we teach these women how to dress, how to put on makeup, how to recognize fake brands, and high-class etiquette. We churn out these high-end ernais and charge a shitload for men who want access to this exclusive group of girls. We negotiate a contract and a confidentiality agreement. This way, the women can’t use blackmail but are guaranteed a certain number of years under contract. Win-win for both parties! Who’s in?
(If you’d like to read more about this topic, pick up the book Foreign Babes in Beijing: Behind the Scenes of a New China, by Rachel DeWoskin)