DATING SURVEY RESULTS: Women Want Better Sex; Men Don’t Know What Women Want (And it May Not Matter)

Posted: 02/10/2012 by Singlefied in Dating, How To, Pick-Up Strategies, Rejection, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Results of the Dating Survey are in!  We had 100 participants: 41% female and 59% male.  The results are fascinating and somewhat surprising.

*In the survey, participants were asked to give their demographic info (age, location, occupation, employment status, relationship status and sexual preference) and then rank the following qualities in order of importance when evaluating a potential mate: Looks, Personality/Sense of Humor, Job/Salary, Intelligence/Education, and Good in Bed.  Then they were asked to answer the same question according to how they think their opposite sex would respond (this question was added after the survey launched so 10% of participants did not get to answer this question).

Key: L=Looks, P=Personality/Humor, J=Job/Salary, I=Intelligence/Education, G=Good in Bed

Underlined letters=no statistically significant difference between the two attributes; in other words, the attributes are tied.

1) OVERALL FINDINGS

WE LOOK FOR SIMILAR QUALITIES

…BUT WE DON’T THINK WE DO

In order of importance, men chose PLIGJ, while women chose PILG



  • Both men and women consistently ranked PERSONALITY as Most Important and JOB/SALARY is Least Important.
  • Both men and women ranked INTELLIGENCE as more important than GOOD IN BED.
However, according to women, men would choose LGPIJ.  And according to men, women would choose PJLIG.  In other words, we don’t really know each other very well. 

Implications:

MEN ARE LESS SHALLOW THAN WOMEN THINK

  • Women thought men would rank LOOKS as Most Important, and would put more value on GOOD IN BED than INTELLIGENCE.  However, men ranked LOOKS as less important than PERSONALITY, and put GOOD IN BED as the 2nd to Least Important (JOB).

WOMEN VALUE SEX MORE THAN MEN THINK

  • Men thought women would rank GOOD IN BED as Least Important, while women ranked it as IMPORTANT, tying with LOOKS.

2) FINDINGS BY DEMOGRAPHIC

UNDER 30: MEN AND WOMEN LOOK FOR EXACTLY THE SAME QUALITIES

(PILGJ vs. PILGJ)

However, women thought men would put INTELLIGENCE as unimportant, while men reported INTELLIGENCE to be as important as LOOKS (tied for 2nd most important).  Also men thought women would put INTELLIGENCE as unimportant and JOB/SALARY as Somewhat Important, while women reported just the opposite.

Implications:

Under the age of 30, men and women aren’t as shallow as both parties believe each other to be.  In fact, both parties put LOOKS as  only “Somewhat Important.”

AFTER 30: MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER THE MOST IN WHAT THEY LOOK FOR

(PLIGJ vs. PIGJL)

  • Women put a little more emphasis on GOOD IN BED than men.
  • Women found LOOKS and JOB/SALARY to be interchangeable for Least Important.

Implications:

Women crave good sex more than men do after 30; makes sense since women reach their sexual peak at 30.

AFTER 30: WOMEN CHANGE WHAT THEY LOOK FOR BUT MEN DO NOT

(WOMEN WENT FROM PILGJ TO PIGJL)

  • Women over 30 ranked GOOD IN BED higher than LOOKS, which was the opposite for women under 30.
  • Women under 30 reported LOOKS to be interchangeable with GOOD IN BED for Important.  However, women over 30 reported LOOKS to be interchangeable with JOB/SALARY for Least Important.

Implications:

Women under 30 made mistakes sleeping with hot guys thinking they’d also be hot in bed.  They’re correcting their mistakes in their 30′s.

UNEMPLOYED MEN HAVE A BETTER IDEA OF WHAT WOMEN WANT THAN EMPLOYED MEN

  • Unemployment men were right in guessing women would put INTELLIGENCE as more important than LOOKS and GOOD IN BED.  Employed men thought the opposite.

Implications:

Unemployed men have more time and energy to get to know women better?

REGARDLESS OF DEMOGRAPHIC, WOMEN ARE CONSISTENT WITH WHAT THEY THINK MEN WANT.  MEN ARE NOT.

(WOMEN CONSISTENTLY THOUGHT MEN WANTED LPGIJ)

  • Except for slight differences that are not statistically significant, women had the same mindset in terms of what they think men want regardless of age, employment status, occupation, geographic location, and relationship status.
  • Men consistently changed what they thought women looked for depending on demographic.

Implications:

Women are stubborn about what they think men want.  Men are constantly trying to figure out women.  In reality, women think they know men but they don’t.  Men just have no clue and they know it, too.

WOMEN CHANGE WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR BY AGE; MEN CHANGE WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR BY OCCUPATION

  • This was probably the most interesting finding for me: although overall men stayed consistent in what they looked for in women, their occupation was a factor that motivated the most drastic changes.  In the survey, I had people write-in their occupation.  I didn’t have an efficient way to show the data but it was apparent than men in Finance looked for different qualities than those in Education, and those in Education differed from those in Tech, and etc.

Implications:

When it comes to dating, men are most affected by changes in occupation and status.  Women are most affected by aging.  Thus, the phenomenon of The First Wives Club: women who marry men at the beginning of their careers and when the men reach professional success, they divorce their first wives for younger, hotter chicks.  

3) DEEPER FINDINGS

I had the pleasure of interviewing some of the survey participants and found some more interesting implications.

MEN VIEW WOMEN AS STEP LADDERS;

WOMEN VIEW MEN AS SPIDERWEBS

  • Both men and women had a hard time ranking the attributes but for different reasons.  The male participants told me this: “For me to be interested in a woman, she has to be attractive and have a good personality.  Without these two qualities, I don’t want to even know how she fares in the other 3 attributes.”  So, I see it as a step ladder.   If a woman doesn’t have the first steps (PERSONALITY and LOOKS), she’s a broken ladder.  A guy doesn’t want to go up a broken ladder, regardless of how stable and well-built the rest of the steps are.
  • Women found it hard to assign importance to the attributes because as some said, “They’re all important!  Since I was forced to rank them, I had to give an answer, but in reality, if a guy has a really amazing career and not a great personality, I’d work on him.”  Think of it as like a spiderweb.  You may lack the bigger pieces, but the smaller webs will still hold the web together; it won’t fall apart.   Women are willing to work on men like a project, in hopes of strengthening the missing pieces to weave a perfect web.

4) LESSONS LEARNED

MEN: STOP TRYNG TO GUESS WHAT SHE WANTS.  SHE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.

  • It was really hard for me to find definitive results when filtering just the women’s responses.  The truth is, women are probably as indecisive as we’re stereotyped to be.  Isn’t that why we’re bad at multiple choice tests?  So men, the time you spend trying to read her should really be time spent on bettering and perfecting at least 1 of the 5 attributes.  If you can grab her with a stellar quality, you’ve already got her in your web.  And BTW, women want good sex, so give to them.

WOMEN: MEN ARE AS SIMPLE AS THEY SAY.  FOCUS ON BEING NICE AND PRETTY.

  • Although men are less forgiving when it comes to LOOKS and PERSONALITY, at least they’re definitive and realistic.  They want you to be pretty to look at and fun to talk to.  Our struggle for equality is not their struggle.  They’re not turned on by your professional status (that you beat hundreds of other men for) and they don’t want to masturbate to your Ph.D. degree.  Those are things you should be proud of, but not things you should resent men for dismissing (“But I’m such a good catch!”).
Many disclaimers:  This survey and its results are not perfect.  I am not perfect.  But I did the best I could to sift out some interesting nuggets that are only intended to initiate further discussions.  Also keep in mind, what people say may be different than what they actually do.

And if you haven’t already, read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

Comments
  1. As a man, I don’t consider myself simple. And women often struggle to “figure me out.” However, I don’t fit into the “average guy” mold, so perhaps the average guy does just want someone who is fun and looks good. I don’t know.

    With that said, I tend to agree with a lot of your other conclusions. Or at least find that I resonate with them anyway.

    • Singlefied says:

      There are definitely exceptions and from your blog, I can definitely tell you’re not an “average guy.” Damn you outliers! hahaha.

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