Thanks to the hilarious Simone Grant, I was given the opportunity to guest post for her popular blog, Sex Lies & Dating in the City.  *No exes were harmed in the making of this post:

Let’s face it, most of us don’t exactly get “closure” when we go through breakups.  Sometimes, after much time has passed, it’s hard to even pin point what were the exact reasons for splitsville.  For the past year, I’ve been playing around with this idea of an Exit Interview.  We have exit interviews when we leave a job, so why don’t we have exit interviews when we leave a person?

The premise of the Exit Interview is to reveal each other’s strengths and weaknesses, reasons for departure, and key takeaways for the next relationship.  I know, this all sounds so corporate, but the Exit Interview is most successful when it’s mostly void of emotions.  As a , I recommend all of my clients to first close the ex files for at least 3 months and then conduct the interview.  This way, it allows both parties a time to chill out and think (somewhat) rationally.

While this all sounds fine and dandy, and it has proven successful with several of my friends and clients, I decided it’s time to practice what I preach.  I picked 3 victims from my past and went for it.  Here’s an overview of my victims:

1)   The Freebird.  He loved the idea of falling in love.  The problem was, we weren’t in love.  Also, his younger age created a sense of insecurity about where he was in his life, and I needed more from the relationship.  Not commitment-wise.  I just needed more of a man.  [I ended it]

2)   The Good Guy.  He was perfect on paper.  The problem was, I never felt a connection with him.  I tried and tried to like him.  But in the end, my heart wouldn’t budge. [I ended it]

3)   The One.  I pictured him at the end of the aisle.  The problem was, he was a perpetual bachelor whose heart was as small and crammed as a NYC apartment.  Not much room for anybody else.  I thought I could change him.  He was my “project.” [He ended it]

EXIT INTERVIEW: The Freebird:

We decide to meet for lunch at a casual restaurant.  The premise is to “catch up” but of course I have ulterior motives.  Freebird looks cuter than ever with his borderline hipster style and frayed backpack.  That’s the problem: Freebird would’ve been my perfect crush in high school.  He’d walk by me in the hallway on his way to Chemistry and I’d giggle to myself while secretly writing our initials in hearts inside my locker.  But again, that would’ve been great in high school.

Our conversation starts with the usual small talk and I slowly ease my way into the hard-hitting questions, Barbara Walters style.  I ask him why he thinks our relationship ended….(read the rest here).

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Comments
  1. nathan says:

    I wrote a post on my blog about your exit interview idea. The commenters on my blog really didn’t like the idea much, but I feel that could be part of consciously finishing old business and moving on to a new relationship in a more healthy way. I’m wondering if you might offer a comment on my blog giving readers a bit more insight as to why you think this idea works, and how a few of your clients might have employed it? It’s ok if you don’t have time to do this, but I thought I’d offer the opportunity to have more conversation about it.

    Best,
    Nathan

    p.s. I’m adding your blog to my blogroll. Cheers.

  2. Singlefied says:

    Thanks for the discussion Nathan. I just posted my respond. For anyone else interested in reading it, here it is: http://21centuryrelationships.blogspot.com/2011/07/exit-interviews.html

  3. nathan says:

    Thanks for sharing the link. A few folks really have strong reactions to the idea over at my blog. I didn’t expect that, but hey, life is often unpredictable!

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