So You’re a Virgin? Get a Hooker

Posted: 12/21/2010 by Singlefied in Sex
Tags: , , , , , ,

You may be at an age where most of your friends have stuck their penis in a pussy and/or asshole.  Your penis has only met a hand or a mouth.  Technically, you are a virgin.  You know what?  You’re not as rare as Four Loko (you can still buy on eBay, btw), but also not as common as professional athletes who cheat on their hot wives.

There are 3 shared barriers with all the male virgins I’ve met:

1) You don’t know how to close the deal

2) You’re afraid you won’t know what you’re doing

3) You’ve waited this long, why not wait for the girl of your dreams

The first step to combating barriers #1 and #2, is to get over #3.  Let’s say you meet the girl of your dreams, how the hell are you going to please her in bed when you’ve never done it with a human before?  I suggest you just get it over with…with a prostitute.  Before you totally reject this idea, think about it.  You’re guaranteed sex.  Barrier #1, check.  You don’t need to impress her, in fact, you should take this opportunity to get some pointers from her.  Ask her what turns her on, what are some major no-no’s, and then ask for demonstrations.  Barrier #2, check.  And while some hookers are nasty ho-bags, there are hot and smart ones out there believe it or not.  Don’t you remember the pretty elementary school teacher who was fired for blogging about her days as a Craigslist sex worker?  Barrier #3, potential check.

Sex is a sport.  The more you practice, the better you’ll be.  Just like how athletes invest in personal training, you should invest in some personal sexing.  Now go get’em, sport!

P.S., here’s a special treat for ya.

Comments
  1. LOVE IT!! Fucking hilarious…..

  2. Datingisms says:

    [...] is a sport.  The more you practice, the better you’ll be.  Just like how athletes invest in personal training, you should invest in some personal sexing. [...]

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